Shooting Stars
by Gairi
Summary: Life is too short to take everything seriously. Commander Shepard doesn't seem to be getting this idea, but Jeff Moreau would swear by it. When she ends up assigned to his ship, they don't know how they'll ever get along. Each chapter is 500 words and based off a one-word prompt.
1. Crash

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters, locations, or concepts. I make no profits from this endeavor.

* * *

Caffeine withdrawal was setting in. The bridge was going to get a lot less happy if Joker didn't get his third cup of coffee. However, he really wasn't in the mood to get up and deal with the crutches and braces again.

Just as he was settling into his bad mood, the Commander walked up beside him and said hello.

"You need somethin', Commander?" Joker asked impatiently.

"Not really. Just wandering around while we're en route. I'd like to get to know the crew."

Joker turned around in his seat and gave the Commander a sarcastic smile. "Oh yeah? Well, hi."

She frowned at his reluctance. "You know what? I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some coffee?"

Joker scoffed. "I can see where this is going. You did a background check on me, didn't you? Well, I'll tell you the same thing I told the captain: you want me as your pilot. I'm not good. I'm not even great. I am _the_ _best_ damn helmsman in the Alliance Fleet. Top of my class in flight school – I earned that! All those commendations in my file – I earned every single one! They weren't given to me as charity for my disease! So don't play nurse to me. I can get my own damn coffee."

She stepped further into his field of view. "Sorry. Geez. I didn't even know you were sick."

"You mean… you mean you didn't know? Ah, crap." Joker groaned under his breath. "Okay. I've got Vrolik's Syndrome. Brittle bone disease? The bones in my legs never developed properly; they're basically hollow; too much force and they'll shatter. Even with crutches and my leg braces, it's hard to get around. One wrong step, and _CRACK!_ It's very dramatic." He waved his hand in the air emphatically. "But I've learned to manage my condition, Commander. Put the Normandy in my hands and I'll make her dance for you. Just don't ask me to get up and dance. Unless, y'know, you like the sound of snappin' shinbones."

"Well, I'm sorry I upset you by politely asking if you wanted coffee." The Commander said, leaning against the console and folding her arms. "I wasn't trying to insult your manliness."

"My manliness?" Joker repeated, looking up at the Commander with suspicious green eyes.

She smirked. "Mm-hmm. You seem like you want to be treated like someone who's strong and capable; not a cripple."

"I'm not a cripple!"

"I didn't say that. I said you don't want to be treated like one."

"Damn right I don't!"

"Exactly. That's why I _won't_ treat you that way. I'll treat you like any other member of my crew. So I'll ask you again: do you want coffee?"

Joker looked down. "Yeah."

"Good. I'll keep the pot on for you." She finished teasingly, walking away.

Before she got far, Joker turned and declared, "One cream, two sugars."

She smiled over her shoulder. "What's the magic word?"

"Uh, screw you?"

She laughed lightly. "Screw you…"

"…Commander."

"Much better."

* * *

_Author's Note: All of these chapters are meant to be 500 words exactly unless otherwise specified. I use Microsoft Word's word count feature for this, but for some reason, this website counts it as a word every time you hit the Enter button. I'm not sure why this happens, but if you notice that a chapter isn't exactly 500 words and it doesn't have an author's note, it's because of FFN, not a miscalculation on my part. Enjoy the story! I may come back and edit Part One since I'm not very happy with it now, but that's a project for the future. If you aren't in love with these chapters, try everything after chapter 25 or so! I've improved **so** much over the course of writing this story and I'm so glad I started writing it. It's made me so happy and I hope it makes you guys happy too.  
-Gairi_


	2. Dim

**Two: Dim**

It was hard for the Commander to be in the Wards. Everything had a low reddish hue that made it difficult to see. She was in Chora's Den, looking for a man named Harkin, but she was so distracted by the scantily clad girls – some asari, some human – that were working in the club.

Shepard wasn't attracted to them, though some would assume so by the way she was staring. She felt sad for them, and she wished she could help them. However, she was fully aware that the choice to work in the sleazy bar was theirs alone. She had made that choice a few years ago, as well.

Almost eleven years had passed since she joined the Alliance. She was eighteen, and she wasn't even originally trying to sign up. She had been reporting the suicide of one of her friends, but she saw someone that she recognized, and he eventually talked her into joining. He gave Shepard what she needed – an intervention. She had been living an unsavory life that revolved around drugs, meaning that what money she could have made from a respectable job wouldn't pay for the lousy apartment she was renting _and_ her addiction. So she turned to waitressing in a strip club for credits, which only made the addiction worse.

It was only fitting that she join the Alliance after they had dragged her from the rubble of her idyllic home on Mindoir. She was one of less than a dozen people who had escaped the reach of the Batarian slavers who had assaulted the colony, and her parents were among the dead. She was only sixteen.

Her life had turned around completely when she was accepted into the military. The man who helped her join had proposed to her, and she said yes. But then, they were sent to Akuze, and everything was jolted upside-down. Thresher maws tore her team apart, including the man she loved. She was the only survivor, and even though she won a medal for her bravery, she felt empty inside. Those memories were even worse than the memories of Mindoir, if only because they were more recent in her mind.

She was taking medication for her anxiety, and she had emergency pills in case she ever had a panic attack in public. If she was alone, she could usually deal with it herself, but if she was in the public eye, the amount of people made her even more anxious. The anxiety medication had to be very specific, otherwise she would fall back into the patterns of addiction.

When Lieutenant Alenko placed his hand on the Commander's shoulder, she realized with a start that she had been staring at the girls for a while. Even though she knew she had a mission to attend to, the club made her feel… young. But weak, as well. She felt as if she was a misguided teenager again. Not the battle-ready Commander Shepard, but merely little Mara once more.

* * *

_Edit 1/10/16: I incorrectly called Kaidan Alenko a Major, when at this point in the timeline, he's still just a lieutenant. It's now been corrected. Thanks to WitchOfTheWilds for pointing this out!_


	3. Tease

**Three: Tease**

"I'm telling you, Commander, this is why we shouldn't trust politicians." Williams shook her head. "Captain Anderson should be here."

"I know, Chief, but I can't do anything about it." Shepard replied, stopping at the bridge. "Joker, take us to the Artemis Tau cluster."

"Sure thing, Commander." Joker nodded. "Coordinates?"

"Here." She stood beside him and let him copy the coordinates from her omni-tool. When she stepped back, it occurred to him that he'd never seen her in her casual uniform – only her hardsuit. The uniform was too loose; it draped over her figure and didn't hug her curves at all. _So_ unflattering.

"Joker." Shepard quirked her eyebrows up at him, noticing where his pointed stare was directed. "The Artemis Tau cluster?"

He realized he'd been caught and immediately averted his eyes. "Uh, yeah. Got it." He typed in the coordinates and cleared his throat a couple times.

Ashley and Shepard glanced at each other knowingly, and the Gunnery Chief allowed a snort of laughter. "I'll be at my post, ma'am." She stated, walking out of the bridge.

Shepard nodded and glanced back at Joker. "Anything you'd like to get off your mind, Flight Lieutenant?" She asked pointedly.

Joker tugged his hat down over the tips of his ears, which were quickly turning a bright shade of pink. "I'm all set, Commander." He responded and sank down further into his chair, trying to evade her gaze.

"Mm-hmm." Shepard hummed knowingly, a smirk forming. "You know, all you have to do is ask, and I'll show them to you."

Joker couldn't tell if his face was on fire or if he was just blushing. "Wh-what?"

Shepard sauntered back into his view, thoroughly enjoying herself. "My medals." She replied innocently. "That's obviously what you were looking for, right?"

"Uh… yeah. Medals. They're cool." Joker muttered, switching on a few screens and attempting to look very busy. "We're, uh, we're all set, ma'am. You can go… do whatever… you do."

"You mean like saving the galaxy?"

"Yeah, that."

"You know you're blushing, right?"

Joker scowled up at her. "You're not helping."

"Oh, come on, Joker." She insisted. "It's nice. Wouldn't you play it up if someone was checking you out?"

"I was _not_ checking you out!" He protested. "I was trying to figure out why your uniform was a size too big."

"Ooh! Compliment after compliment!" Shepard said teasingly. "It _looked_ like you were checking me out."

"Well, I wasn't." Joker snapped. "Are you just gonna sit up here and bug me all day? 'Cause I've got stuff to do. You probably do too."

"Aww, we were getting along so well!"

"Commander, with all due respect, what dimension are you living in?"

"I could die on the next mission, you know." Shepard frowned. "I bet you'd miss me then."

Joker rolled his eyes. "You won't die, so I won't miss you."

"Okay, I get it." Shepard muttered, turning on her heel and leaving the bridge.

"See ya, Commander." Joker called sarcastically after her.

* * *

_Reviews are really nice! I've only had one so far, but it made my whole day. If you like this, just say something simple. It really helps me out and lets me know that you guys are here._

_\- Gairi_


	4. Erratic

**Four: Erratic**

Joker was in the middle of surfing the extranet when it happened. Panic erupted in the Mako. Joker always kept the comm channel open in case he had to warn the Commander about going out of the operational range, but he wasn't really paying attention to it.

But then Garrus shouted.

Even though the sound was low, Joker could hear the word "thresher" as clearly as if it was yelled in the bridge. He raised the volume and sat up tensely as the sound of gunfire rang throughout the small rover. He switched the link to go to his earpiece, and listened intently as Shepard ordered Garrus to fire the rockets.

It was over just as quickly as it began. Not ten minutes had passed before the sound of heavy breathing came in over the comm.

"Is it gone?" Kaidan asked.

Joker could only assume someone was nodding, because he heard only silence. Shepard's voice was shaky as she gave her boys a command. "Go outside and disable that beacon. See if you can identify the troops."

"You coming, Commander?" Kaidan inquired.

"Negative." She responded. "Get going."

The sounds of scurrying and scuffling came from the comm, and Joker guessed that the two men were getting out. Shepard, on the other hand, banged at the side of the Mako and let out a shuddering exhale. "What is wrong with me today?" She hissed. "Get it together."

Her voice was low and trembling, and she was taking sharp breaths. "Travis… c'mon, help me out here." She whispered, so quiet that Joker almost couldn't hear her. It almost sounded like she was crying. But this was Commander Shepard. She didn't cry.

That wasn't just fear; that was trauma. Joker leaned back in his chair and let out the breath he'd been holding. However, Shepard heard the sigh, and she stopped muttering. "Joker?"

The helmsman knew he'd been caught. "Uh… yeah. Sorry. Comm channel was open, I just—"

"Were you listening?" She asked, her tone calmer now.

Joker rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah. But I couldn't make out half of what you were sayin'… y'know, I'll just, uh, close the channel."

"Don't. Talk to me." She sounded so pleading when she said it.

Joker inwardly winced at her vulnerability. "If you want." He didn't know what to say, so he told her a joke. "What do you call it when a turian gets killed by a horrible spiky monster?"

"Friendly fire." Shepard answered, playing along.

He frowned. "You coulda stopped me, Commander."

"That one goes back to Shanxi." Shepard said. "You should get some new material."

"Well, why don't you try, then?" Joker urged with a smile.

"Not right now. Alenko and Vakarian are back. We're ready for pickup."

Disappointment flickered across Joker's features. "Sure thing, Commander. We're coming around now." He turned off the comm and warmed up the Normandy, readying her for a landing.

Shepard was the toughest girl Joker knew… but even she had her weaknesses.

* * *

_Thank you guys for all your reviews! They made me happy, which made me write more, which means more chapters for you! Spread the love! Thanks so much. It's so much fun to say I have fans now. I can call you guys fans, right? :)_

_\- Gairi_


	5. Acid

**Five: Acid**

"We're on course for the Citadel, right?" Shepard asked.

Joker nodded. "I'll ask you to keep all arms and legs inside the ship for the duration of the flight. And no flash photography, even though I know you're dyin' to get a good shot of the most handsome pilot in Council Space."

"Most handsome, huh?" She repeated. "I think I can work with that."

He grinned, despite himself. It wasn't the reaction he was expecting from her, but it sounded pretty damn nice.

"So tell me: why does everyone call you Joker?" She inquired, and his mood dropped. He didn't like talking about himself at all, but Shepard just seemed to know how to push his buttons.

"It's a lot shorter than saying 'Alliance Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau'. Plus, I love to make little children laugh." He replied in a snarky, mocking voice.

"I was just thinking how much you remind me of Santa Claus." Shepard remarked.

Joker made a mental note that she could pull off sarcasm… _really _w_ell_. "Look, I didn't pick the name." He sighed as if he couldn't be inconvenienced with explaining it. "One of the instructors in flight school used to bug me about never smiling. She started calling me Joker, and it stuck."

"Why didn't you ever smile?" Shepard asked.

"Hey, I worked my ass of in flight school, Commander. The world isn't gonna hand you anything if you go around grinning like an idiot." Joker said icily. "By the end of the year, I was the best pilot in the Academy – even better than the instructors, and everybody knew it. They'd all gotten their asses kicked by the sickly kid with the creaky little legs. One guess who was smilin' at graduation."

"Eeesh, okay." She held her hands up as if to protect herself from his acerbic tone.

"Not sure why you care." Joker muttered, tapping some numbers on his console.

"I just wanted to get to know you better." Shepard maintained calmly.

"Well, I think it's my turn to ask questions." Joker said, giving her a hard stare. "What's _your _deal? All you ever talk about is me, but you're no Mother Theresa."

"You mean I'm _not _perfect? Ouch." Shepard joked half-heartedly.

Joker glared at her. "Fine, y'know what? I'll just leave it alone. I don't have to know anything."

"That's right. You don't." She replied, earning a surprised glance. "But my therapist said I should have friends, so I might as well start now."

"We're not friends." Joker snapped.

Shepard stared at him with inquisitive blue eyes. "Are we enemies?"

Joker shrugged. "We are if you don't think I can do my job."

"When did I say that, Moreau?" She demanded, the conversation taking a turn for the worse. "That's right. Not once."

"I didn't—"

"Just stop." Shepard interrupted, standing up sharply. "Forget it. I don't even care anymore."

"Well, flip out, why don't you?" Joker snapped back.

Shepard shook her head and walked away, leaving Joker annoyed and confused.


	6. Soft

**Six: Soft**

The Commander was down in the mess making her breakfast when Joker walked in, looking for coffee.

"I didn't know you could cook, Commander" Kaidan commented. Joker rolled his eyes at Alenko's failed pickup line and turned the coffee pot on with a flick of his wrist.

"There was a culinary school on my colony. I learned some tricks there." Shepard answered cheerily.

"You're a colony kid?" Joker remarked in a surprised voice.

"Mm-hmm, I was for sixteen years. Then I lived on the Citadel until I was accepted into the Alliance." Shepard said. "Why?"

"Just didn't expect it." The coffee pot dinged and Joker fixed his cup quickly, then left the Lieutenant to continue his flirting… or whatever he thought it was.

"Hey, Joker. Wait up." Shepard called from behind him. She jogged up to meet him at the foot of the stairs, a plate of scrambled eggs in her hands. "I want to talk to you."

"Again? Didn't you yell at me enough yesterday?" He retorted, impatient to get back in his chair.

The Commander read his expression and waved him up the stairs. "I'll talk while you walk." She suggested, and he rolled his eyes subtly.

"It'll take me a while."

"Take your time." Shepard stated, much to his annoyance. "I know there's more to you than you let on, Joker. You've made it abundantly clear _what_ you are. I want to know _who_ you are. I don't care if it takes you ten minutes to get up the stairs."

He turned his head and glared at her, but when he saw the serious look in her eyes, his expression softened.

"You're different from anyone else I know." She continued. "I'd say what I really believe, but honestly, I think you'd whack me with your crutches."

Despite himself, Joker smiled. "Oh yeah? Why would I do that?"

"Because I don't think you'd like to be called a softie." She replied with a knowing smirk. "You work awfully hard to keep up that prickly exterior of yours."

"You're only _kind of_ right. If you weren't my commanding officer, I _would_ probably whack you with my crutches." He said, half kidding.

She followed him up to the bridge, where he finally put his crutches down where they usually rested at his feet and sat down in his chair.

"What I mean by all this," she said, "is that I'd like to start over with you. I don't think we got off on the right foot."

"Does this mean we have to play twenty questions again?" Joker asked, glancing up at her.

She pushed a bit of golden blonde hair from her eyes. "Sort of, but some things stay private. Does that work?"

Joker nodded slowly. "Yeah. We can start over, Commander."

"No titles today." Shepard declared, holding out her hand.

"Okay." Joker took her hand, which was smoother than he expected the hand of a soldier to be. "Jeff Moreau."

"Mara Shepard." She smiled brightly. "Nice to meet you."

* * *

_A.N.: All this feedback is amazing! Thank you all so, so much. I love writing these two, and your comments help me revive my muse when it dies. The second half of the last chapter stuck out to me; it seemed like Mara got too defensive, too quickly. I have an alternate version that I may replace it with, but if you didn't see a problem, please send me a message or leave a review. I read and reply to all of them. Thanks millions for your continued support! It means the world to me._

**Edit: 6/27/14**

_Due to the number of positive reviews I've received about the ending of the last chapter, I'd just like to say thank you to you all (again), and I won't be uploading an alternate version of Chapter Five._


	7. Hold

**Seven: Hold**

A sixteen year-old girl with warm blonde hair and sharp blue eyes was sitting on the front steps of her parents' house. She was chatting with her cousin on her omni-tool, still smiling from the vid he'd sent her a few minutes ago.

The tool pinged, alerting the girl to a new message. _[Shepard, W] You comin tonight?_

The girl typed out a reply. _[Shepard, M] Nope. Mom vetoed._

_[Shepard, W] Dang. We'll miss you._

Mara sighed. _[Shepard, M] I'll miss you too. I'll be sitting here, bored, while you have all the fun._

_[Shepard, W] Yeah. Maybe I can bring Kate and Josh and swing by OH GOD ALIENS KILLING US GO GO GO GET HELP RUN RU_

Mara inhaled sharply and tapped another message furiously. _[Shepard, M] Will? What's going on? Will?_

Then, she looked up at the sky to see several ships descending upon her colony, with alien pirates pouring out from the ones that had landed. People started screaming, and Mara covered her ears and closed her eyes tightly.

Then, the screaming turned into shouting, and she looked around again. She was older now, twenty-three, and she was on a planet she knew all too well. Her hair was slicked down over her forehead with sweat and not just a little bit of blood, places in her suit melted away by Thresher acid. She was running as fast as she could, but it wasn't enough. She fell down, and rolled over onto her back. She watched as her fiancé was ripped away from her and she screamed, tears streaming down her face and blurring her vision as she scrambled back up to her feet once more.

_Not Travis. Not Travis._

She was in denial, her despair deepening with every step. All she wanted was for him to hold her and wake her up, but she never felt his arms around her. She only felt the tightening grip of panic as it slowly enshrouded her, and she tripped once more, tumbling into a deep, dark pit. She tried to find the night vision on her helmet, but she couldn't. She felt desperately for the flashlight on her gun, but she had dropped it.

Then, the blackness all turned red, and a thousand images flashed across her eyes. War, fire, death, worlds without names, and sounds without words. They flickered and screamed in her mind, always the same furious red. Loss became trauma, which turned into fear, and fear was the catalyst to annihilation. She realized she was still falling, but instead of flailing around, she made herself still.

There was nothing to do except wait for the end… but the end never came. Only a woman, twenty-nine, with scars aplenty, gasping awake in the darkness of a small room in a quiet ship, was left behind in the chaos of life. Many said it was a miracle that she came out of it all with her mind intact.

But no one knew, save her alone, that she hadn't.


	8. Shackles

**Eight: Shackles**

_Springtime. Cherry blossoms. Cold. Handcuffs. C-Sec. Ankle restraints. Cops. Jail. Clubs. Dealers. Drinks._

Shepard took her fingers off the keyboard. "Why am I doing this?" She sighed at the woman on the other end of her vid chat.

"We need to discuss things that trigger your anxiety, Mara." The woman replied. "I'm having you write them so I can keep them in my database for reference. I'm noticing quite a few words relating to crime. Are those from your history?"

"Yeah, I was arrested a couple times." Shepard answered, rubbing the back of her neck. "It takes me back to when I was younger."

"You had to be placed in ankle restraints?" The woman inquired with an arched eyebrow.

"Once. I was pretty high." Shepard said, unwillingly recalling her criminal past.

"And the cherry blossoms?"

"Mindoir. It was spring when it happened. We had cherry trees outside our house."

"I see." The woman paused and made a few notes on her omni-tool. "I think you're purposefully avoiding the more serious triggers." She exhaled. "Can we talk about those?"

"I'm avoiding them for a reason, Dr. Richards." Shepard said firmly. "I don't want to bring them up."

"I need to know them, Mara." The doctor insisted. "We don't have to dwell on them. Just continue writing."

Shepard squeezed her eyes shut and returned to the keyboard, wishing that she didn't have so many damn triggers.

_Travis. Thresher. 78__th__._

"What's that?" The doctor interrupted.

"It was my unit on Akuze."

The doctor nodded. "I see. You're doing great."

Shepard didn't feel like it, but she kept typing anyway.

_Gangs. Slavers. Batarians._

"How long has it been since you've seen a batarian, Mara?" The doctor asked.

"Uh, I saw one on the Citadel last week." Shepard replied. "I did slow breathing and I tried to count to a hundred, but I stopped."

"You stopped?" The doctor repeated, making more notes. "At what number?"

"Eighty-six."

"You've mentioned that number before." The doctor remarked. "What's the significance?"

Mara fidgeted in her chair. "It was my address on Mindoir. When the house… collapsed… I was in the doorway and the number fell down next to me. It's the last thing I remember seeing before the soldiers dragged me out."

When the doctor grimaced, it was made clear that she didn't like listening to her patient's stories of trauma. "Okay. And did the Batarian on the Citadel try to speak to you?"

"No." Shepard shook her head. "He was just… there. Freaked me out."

"Okay. What about your other trigger words?"

_Home. Mom. Dad. _Mara paused. She didn't want to write the last one, but she knew that she had to. "I don't have to talk about this if I don't want to?" She asked, her forehead wrinkled with anxiety.

The therapist shook her head. "No. And this will end our session for today." She answered kindly.

"Okay." Mara flexed her fingers and slowly typed in the last word, her grim emotions surfacing with every keystroke.

_Love._

* * *

_A.N.: Oh my gosh! A thousand views already! Milestone! I've posted two chapters tonight in honor of this. And this is the last Sad!Mara chapter for a little while, thankfully. Posting these together should help keep the depression to a minimum. More Joker is coming shortly, but I had to get some backstory down. As always, thank you all so much for your continued support! I love seeing how many people are reading and enjoying my work._


	9. Broken

**Nine: Broken**

Usually, when Shepard was groundside, Joker was in the bridge watching vintage vids. It got awfully boring to be the pilot, but it was great for someone who wasn't a people person. At least he couldn't complain about getting bugged all the time, and he didn't have to worry about heavy choices.

Then her voice, sharp with urgency, filtered through the comm. "Joker! Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal!" She cried. "On the double, mister!"

Joker resisted the urge to laugh—the addendum sounded comedic coming from her—but he knew from the stress in her voice that she was dead serious. He did as she asked within seconds of the order. "Aye aye, Commander. Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes." He informed her. The comm channel went silent and Joker veered the Normandy toward the signal that he was picking up on his screens.

Those eight minutes were painfully long, especially when Joker heard the sounds of shouting from the comm. "This whole place is falling apart!" Cried an unfamiliar voice, static crackling in the background.

"Move, move, move!" Shepard shouted, the words barely audible over the sounds of falling rock and tearing metal. Joker wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew it would look pretty bad on his reports if he let a mountain fall on his commanding officer.

He banked a left and landed the Normandy, unmuting his end of the comm so that he could tell Shepard that they had arrived. Instead, he heard only harsh silence.

"Shepard?" He said quietly. "You okay?" When all he got was more static, he began to worry… and _that_ was stranger than anything else.

"We're here!" Shepard panted as the shore party boarded the Normandy. Joker pulled up from the planet, not a moment too soon. The ground shook under them as molten metal devoured the ruins.

"The Council's gonna hate me." Shepard muttered softly, pulling her helmet off.

"I guess that means you don't want me to patch you through when we reach the next comm buoy?" He asked.

"Wait on it." She replied. "I'm not eager to tell them I just destroyed a Prothean ruin with a mining laser."

"Awesome!" Joker cheered, but then quirked up an eyebrow at her unimpressed stare. "Too soon?"

"Probably." Shepard said. She rested her hand on the back of his headrest. "Thanks for getting us out of there."

"Just so you know, I'm entitled to a couple jokes about this."

Shepard gave a tired laugh. "We'll see. I might make some jokes at _you__,_ slowpoke."

"Slowpoke?" Joker repeated indignantly. "Who's the clumsy one who destroyed a Prothean ruin with a mining laser?"

"Hey, _you_ try rescuing a scientist from a Prothean force field. It isn't a cakewalk."

Joker smirked. "Mmm, cake."

Shepard gave him a playful whack on the arm and walked away, shaking her head slowly.

"Just another day at the office, huh?" Joker called back to her retreating form, punching in the new coordinates.


	10. Truth

**Ten: Trust**

"Hey Joker?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something a little personal?"

He glanced up to see Shepard peering at him expectantly from the copilot's chair, a position she seemed to like an awful lot. "Thought we wrote those off, Commander." At the disappointed look she gave, he sighed and relented. "Sure. Go for it."

She shifted and looked down at her feet. "Have you ever felt like you were going crazy?"

Joker stopped working and turned in his chair so he could see her better. "That's not exactly the type of question I wanna hear from my commanding officer."

She smiled, but it quickly faded. "I shouldn't be asking you." She shook her head and rested it in her hands. "You're not my therapist. You're just my pilot."

"Yeah, but…" Joker hesitated and swallowed the silence that had suddenly filled his throat. "You okay?"

"I don't know." She murmured into her hands. "I really don't know."

"What's goin' on?" Joker asked, not even fully knowing why he kept probing her.

She sat up straight in her chair and took a deep breath. "I've been having more nightmares than usual." She stated, saying it firmly as if she could command them away like she did with so many other things. "About Mindoir. About Akuze."

Joker quirked up an eyebrow. "I knew you went to Akuze, but… Mindoir? Isn't that the place where… the…" He stopped himself at the look she gave him, and gave a quiet, "Right."

"The Batarians came and took most of the colonists. We were right on the edge of Alliance space—some people said we had it coming because we were so bold." Shepard remarked with a small shrug. "Maybe we did. Other species never build colonies way out there."

"That's because they're cowards." Joker interjected. His tone was familiarly defensive, but this time, it wasn't directed _at _Shepard. "I grew up on a colony, too. Way out in the middle of nowhere. But y'know what? We survived."

"And we didn't." Shepard whispered, looking up at him. "I don't know if it's luck or coincidence or fate. All I know is that it happened. And I… all of us… had to live with it. I can't go back and change it. I can only look forward and hope to God I never have to do anything like it again."

"You won't." Joker assured her. He reached over as far as he could and settled his hand on her shoulder. He could've sworn she moved toward him to lessen the distance. "And even if you ever did, you'd just kick its ass to the other end of space."

This earned him a smile. "Thanks, Joker. I think I needed that."

"I bet you did." He settled back into his seat and gave her a pointed stare. "Now get your ass off of my bridge. Ma'am."

She laughed. "I'll let you have that one. Next time, I may fire back."

_I hope you do, _he thought with a smirk.


	11. Odds and Ends

**Eleven: Odds and Ends**

_[Shepard, M] What's your favorite vid?_

_[Moreau, J] Come on! That's too boring. Gimme a good one._

_[Shepard, M] What did you expect? "How many girls have you banged?"_

Joker wanted to burst out laughing at the fact that Shepard had actually used the word "banged", but Kaidan was sitting in the copilot's seat checking diagnostics, and he looked too grumpy for chuckles. Joker tapped out a reply on his omni-tool, setting the Normandy on autopilot and stretching out his legs.

_[Moreau, J] Well, if you really wanna know…_

Down on the crew deck, Shepard smirked at the reply and typed one of her own. _[Shepard, M] Don't answer that. It was sarcasm._

_[Moreau, J] Hard to pick up sarcasm over text._

_[Shepard, M] I can tell when you do it just fine._

_[Moreau, J] Maybe you're psychic._

Shepard smiled._ [Shepard, M] No, I'm just a sidekick. Like Batman's Robin. Common mistake._

Joker stifled a scoff. Kaidan turned his head, and Joker hardened his expression into a solid frown, mirroring the one on the Lieutenant's face. "What?"

"What are you laughing at?"

"I'm havin' fun. You should try it sometime." He replied, and Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm working. Maybe you should try _that."_

"Sheesh." Joker grumbled, looking back down at his omni-tool as another message appeared.

_[Shepard, M] Hey, tell Alenko to get his rear in gear. His console's going crazy._

He turned to the Lieutenant and relayed the Commander's exact words.

Alenko narrowed his eyes and stomped back down the bridge without a word.

Joker typed another response as Alenko's footsteps receded. _[Moreau, J] He's pretty frowny today._

_[Shepard, M] He usually is. I'll talk to him._

Joker replied before he could stop himself. _[Moreau, J] Count how many times he tries to hit on you. We'll do shots._

_[Shepard, M] Are you jealous, Joker?_

Joker's ears began to turn pink. _[Moreau, J] No ma'am. Just warning you._

Shepard smiled to herself. _[Shepard, M] You never answered my question. You have to answer everything, remember?_

Joker made a face and responded. _[Moreau, J] Fine. My favorite vid is... Fleet and Flotilla._

_[Shepard, M] That's such a chick flick!_

_[Moreau, J] So what? Don't judge!_

_[Shepard, M] You're messing with me._

_[Moreau, J.] Fine, you caught me. Blasto 2._

_[Shepard, M] I knew it. It's your turn._

Joker smiled boyishly. _[Moreau, J] How many girls have YOU banged?_

Shepard rolled her eyes._ [Shepard, M] None._

_[Moreau, J] Any asari?_

_[Shepard, M] NO!_

_[Moreau, J] That's a pretty strong denial. You know what they say about those…_

Shepard shook her head. _[Shepard, M] I've never slept with any girls or any aliens at all. Happy now?_

_[Moreau, J] Mostly. Your turn._

_[Shepard, M] I should probably talk to Kaidan before we touch down on Feros. Sorry._

Joker was a little disappointed, but he didn't want Alenko to be depressed while he was covering Shepard's ass groundside. _[Moreau, J] Aw, but I was just getting warmed up. Thanks for the laughs. Joker out._

* * *

_A.N.: Oh my gosh, TWO thousand views and twenty-five reviews! You guys rock. Thank you all, so much, and I'm glad that you're loving this story as much as I am._

_As always, please don't hesitate to drop me a review or a PM if you have any questions, suggestions, or comments. I read and respond to all of them._


	12. Tea

**Twelve: Tea**

"Normandy to shore party." Joker said nervously as the sounds of banging came from outside the Normandy. There was no reply, and that worried him. Shepard wouldn't just _not _answer. He knew she was too tough to be beaten by geth, but on Feros, she could just as easily fall down a giant hole or get crushed by a crumbling building. "Normandy to shore party!" He said again, raising his voice. "I repeat, Normandy to shore party! Are you reading? Anyone there? Normandy to shore party. Come on, Commander, talk to me!"

"Joker?" Shepard's voice filtered in, full of static. "What's going on over there?"

"We're in lockdown here, Commander." Joker answered, trying not to look at the… things… outside the Normandy. "Something happened to the colonists. They're bangin' on the hull, trying to claw their way inside the ship. They're freakin' out!"

"They can't do any real damage." She said calmly. "We're on our way back. Just hold your position."

"Uh… yeah. Okay." Joker met the stare of one of the crazed colonists and they roared. He quickly turned back to his console. "Well, we'll just wait right here for you, Commander." He muted his end of the comm. It didn't stay like that for long, however, as she spoke to him again a few minutes later.

"Joker?"

"Commander?"

"Can you do me a favor?" She inquired over sounds of gunfire. "Alenko, cover that opening!"

"Does it involve breaking bones or getting shot in the face?" Joker asked.

"Neither."

"Well, whaddya need?"

"Commander, we're surrounded!" Kaidan cried.

"We wouldn't be if you would _cover that opening_!" She snapped. Her voice switching back to sweetness, she answered Joker, "Could you tell Liara to get me a cup of tea?"

Joker's expression twisted into an unimpressed glower. "…Really, Commander?"

"Yes, really. Earl Grey, two teaspoons of sugars and a tablespoon of milk."

"You're pretty particular about that, aren't you?" Joker noted, impressed at the measurements.

"Just like you and your coffee." She smiled. "And if you think Liara has better things to do, you can always go make it yourself… not like I'm hinting at anything at all."

Joker shook his head. "Are you seriously asking me to make you tea?"

A short pause followed. "It can't be proven."

"Shepard!" He chuckled. "Well, what do I get out of this?"

"Let's see…" She said after a quiet laugh. "I'll let you get away with all your jokes for a day or two."

"I kinda wanted a raise." A loud bang from the side of the Normandy interrupted his thought. "On second thought, can you just speed up a little bit?"

"On our way. Use force if you have to, Joker." Seriousness filled her tone as she murmured, "Stay safe in there."

"Ah, my baby's tough. She can take it." Joker smirked, patting the wall of the Normandy fondly. "Joker out." He stood up and grabbed his crutches. He was really craving coffee now.

And besides… Shepard's tea wouldn't just make itself.

* * *

_A.N.: What else am I supposed to do with a prompt like "Tea"? It's kinda hard to make tea a metaphor for anything. *Ahem* anyway... Quick question: Race names like geth, turian, krogan - capitalized or not? I've seen it both ways. If you look at the word "human", that isn't capitalized, so why would the other race names be? If anyone has extra insight or can remember what format they use for it in-game, feel free to send me a message or leave it in a review. Thanks all!  
\- Gairi_


	13. Twisted

**Thirteen: Twisted**

In a rare bout of apprehension, Shepard asked Joker to pay close attention to his comm while she was groundside. He didn't know why she'd be anxious, especially on another minor assignment like this one, but he did as she asked.

Her concerns weren't unfounded. Joker heard unfamiliar voices, all sounding equally stressed, so he upped the volume and listened in.

"Stay back!" Called a man. "I've got no grief with you! I just want this bastard!"

"He's a madman!" Cried another fearfully. "Mister Toombs, you're insane! You need help!"

"You don't get to lie!" The first man snapped. "You don't… Shepard? My God, Shepard… is that you?"

Judging by her sudden intake of breath, the surprise was mutual. "Toombs? But… I saw you die on Akuze!"

Joker sighed. He knew this was going to be bad.

"They took me, Shepard! The scientists!" Toombs stated frantically.

"You can't prove any of this!" Yelled the other man, presumably the scientist. "This man is delusional!"

"They were running tests on the thresher maws!" Toombs exclaimed. "They _let_ those things hit us just to watch and study! I woke up in a holding cell. The scientists were delighted I'd survived. They had someone to run tests on."

"Toombs, I-I didn't see anybody." Shepard gasped. "If I saw you, I'd have come back for you, I swear!"

"You can't believe Toombs! He doesn't have any proof!" The scientist shouted. "I demand a fair trial!"

"He was there!" Toombs insisted. "He knows the truth! They're part of some organization—Cerberus—that runs secret tests like this. They treated me like a lab animal." His voice cracked with emotion. "This man deserves to die, Shepard! For you, for me, for Travis—everyone in the unit! Are you with me?"

Shepard's breath hitched at the name. "Toombs, if you kill him, you're a criminal." She paused. "But I'm a Spectre. Nobody will question me."

Joker furrowed his brow. In the short time he'd worked with Shepard, he'd never heard her so willing to end someone without all the facts.

"You can't kill me! You don't know who you're dealing with!" The scientist argued.

"Dammit, Shepard, this is _my_ kill!" Toombs protested. "_You_ got out with scratches and a scary reputation! _I'm_ the one they tortured!"

"Don't you dare think that!" Shepard cried. "_I_ was the one who had to face the families! _I_ had to watch as mothers cried, knowing that _I_ left you all! Let me do it. Please."

Silence filled the next few moments, and then a gunshot sounded.

"It's really over. Maybe the screaming will stop now." Toombs muttered.

Shepard sighed. "It might not." She answered. "But those twisted sons-of-bitches can't hurt you. Not anymore. Joker?"

He scrambled to unmute the comm. "I'm here."

"We need a ship for pickup."

"Aye aye, ma'am." He quickly sent a message to the Fifth Fleet asking for a transport, and telling them to be gentle with their passenger.

It was gonna be hell when Shepard got back.

* * *

_A.N.: 50 reviews! Whoa! Thanks for the love, guys! I'm doing a double upload today because these next two chapters go together well, like a "to be continued" on a tv show. Only I'm nicer than tv producers and won't make you all wait until next week. :)_


	14. Echo

_A.N.: Double upload today! If you missed the last chapter, this one's a direct follow-up, so be sure to go back and check it out first._

* * *

**Fourteen: Echo**

She sat alone in her bedroom in deafening silence. Her heartbeat seemed as thunderous as a dreadnought's cannons, and all she could think about was Akuze. Teeth-breaking earthquakes, friends falling everywhere… but she didn't hear anything. Only the whisper-quiet hum of the Normandy's drive core.

She still had her duty. She had to get up, but she felt paralyzed. The scientist on Ontarom flickered across her memory. He needed to die. She and Toombs were the only ones who knew what happened—that was how it had to be.

Her omni-tool pinged and a message appeared. She didn't look at it for several minutes, the alert leaving a sustained ring in her ears. Everything echoed. Everything remained.

She finally looked down.

_[Moreau, J] Commander. Question about coordinates?_

Shepard simply stared at it. Everything seemed to take longer. She collected her thoughts and typed a reply, her fingers heavy on the keys.

_[Shepard, M] I made them clear._

_[Moreau, J] Damn, snappish much?_

_[Shepard, M] Out of it today. Sorry. What's wrong?_

_[Moreau, J] The fact that you gave them to me._

Shepard stood and rolled her shoulders back. They were stiff from sitting in the same tensely hunched position. [_Shepard, M] I'm coming up._

He didn't reply, which she took as a sign of acceptance, and a few minutes later, she was on the bridge.

"I hope you didn't actually want me to fly out of the galaxy, Commander." Joker said.

"What are you talking about?" Shepard scowled.

"You added a couple extra fours to the latitude." Joker explained, showing her the coordinates she had asked him to punch in, which were quite off the map. "I think you wanted to go here." He pointed at a star cluster that was safely inside the borders of Citadel space.

She buried her face with her hand and groaned. "Don't fly us out of space, please."

"Don't worry. I caught it. We're about an hour out from the relay." He responded. "Sit down. Stick around." He motioned to the copilot's chair.

She smiled. Barely. "I'm good."

"No, you're not." Joker corrected. He sucked in a breath and asked the million-dollar question. "Who's Travis?"

Her expression was blank for several moments, and she sat down with a quiet sigh. "Travis was part of my unit. He asked me to marry him the month before Akuze."

Joker couldn't mask the shock on his face. "You were _engaged_?"

A short laugh escaped her. "Don't be so surprised. _Some_body in the galaxy should like me enough, right?"

"Well, yeah, you're _kinda_ likeable." He responded. "But… damn, I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's just my luck. Everyone who loves me seems to die."

"Maybe I'd better back up," Joker said. After an amused glance from her, he quickly added, "Never know if it could carry over to friends too."

"So we _are_ friends now?"

Joker smiled, not grinned or smirked as Shepard would expect. "I can attempt friendship."

"Finally," she laughed. "It took you long enough."


	15. Soothe

**Fifteen: Soothe**

Virmire hit everyone hard. Shepard left one of her squadmates on the ground, sitting next to an improvised nuclear bomb. Nobody heard anything from her for hours, and she didn't even give Joker any coordinates to fly to. She'd given him a list of places to take them to and laughingly said "surprise me", but that was before she lost Ashley.

Joker always thought Shepard and Williams could have been pretty good friends. Granted, the chief had a few problems that Shepard shook her head at. She didn't believe a word about Ashley's problems with the non-humans. But they would have gotten along well.

But now Ashley was dead, and Shepard could never find out if they'd even like each other.

Joker heard footsteps behind him. Shepard gave him a tired smile when he turned around, but he knew it was forced.

"Commander. I know it couldn't have been easy for you down there." He said somberly. "Makin' the call between Alenko and Williams must have been…" His voice failed him, and he shook his head. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I just don't know if I could've done it."

"There is no right choice for something like that." She sighed from behind him. "I just hope I never have to go through it again."

"I'm not blaming you, Commander." Joker denied quickly. "I'm just… it's hard, y'know."

"Saren's still out there, Joker." Shepard said, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. "Hold it together. We need you."

"Don't worry, I won't let you down." He swore. "I wanna be there when you make that son-of-a-bitch pay!"

A long silence followed, and Shepard sighed. "Joker, do you think I made the right choice?"

His smile vanished. "You said there _was_ no right choice."

Shepard rubbed her temples. "I know what I said. Just… who would you have picked? Honestly?"

Joker pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "I don't know, Shepard. I don't do that kind of stuff. You're in charge for a reason."

After a long pause, she muttered, "Sometimes I wonder why."

"Hey," Joker began, "Anderson put you here. He knew you could do it. If he didn't think you could make the hard choices, you wouldn't be standin' here."

"You're right, of course." Shepard responded, but it sounded like she didn't really believe it. "I should just try to think about something else."

"Nah, think about it." Joker shook his head. "If you ignore it, it'll never go away."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You think so?"

"Well, when I ignore _you_, you never go away." Joker grinned, and Shepard rolled her eyes. A smile crossed her face, though—a real one.

She pulled her arms around the chair and gave him a small hug. "Thank you, Joker. You've been putting up with so much lately."

"Yeah, that's me. Just along for the ride, I guess."

"Well," Shepard began, tugging his hat down and smiling. "You can't complain much. After all, you're the one driving this ride."

* * *

_A.N.: 3,000 views, 60 reviews! I love how much attention this story has. Since this is my first experience with putting my writing out here, it's thoroughly exciting! I may be implementing a plan to do double uploads once a month, but I'll be writing new chapters pretty soon, so I may hold off on it for a while. Either way, I'll still be aiming to release a chapter every week, so don't worry about a failing supply. Thank you all, as always. If you've been following this since Crash or if you only just found this story, you're amazing. You all deserve hugs._

_-Gairi_


	16. Fight

**Sixteen: Fight**

_"Mindoir made her strong."_

_"No. It drove her to drugs."_

Punch.

_"Shepard's a survivor. Look at Akuze."_

_"What happened there nearly drove her off the edge. It's a miracle she hasn't had a complete psychological breakdown."_

Punch.

_"Every soldier has scars."_

_"Is she the kind of person we want protecting the galaxy?"_

_"She's the only kind of person who can."_

Shepard's next punch snapped the chain, sending the heavy bag flying across the cargo hold. She growled menacingly and then sighed, wiping the sweat from her forehead. She'd been letting out her anger from Virmire for hours, exhausting herself with sprints, pushups, and now a fight with the punching bag.

Her arms burned with effort. Her fists screamed for a break; the skin on her knuckles had become raw. Her sweat-drenched tank top clung to her back and her hair was plastered to her face in damp curls. To anyone who saw her, she was a mess. But there was a fire in her eyes, furious and focused.

Shepard pushed herself toward the elevator. She had to take a shower and cool down before landing on Noveria. She went over the events of Virmire in her mind, the same way she had done after Akuze. She had come to terms with her tactical failures on both planets, but not with the loss of her friends. In some ways, Virmire hurt more. _She_ had made the choice. She had an active role in Ashley's death, and it was her fault for sending her with Kirrahe.

As the water from the showerhead pounded her back, she imagined it as bullets she had dodged… death that her companions had paid for. She didn't know how many more people she could lose before she lost herself too.

Up in the bridge, Joker scowled when he couldn't find Shepard on the cameras. One minute, she was beating a punching bag to a pulp, the next, she was gone. He asked Kaidan where she was, but he only shrugged, making Joker even more annoyed. He wanted more coffee, he was stressed out, and he wanted to stop being so worried about Shepard.

Shepard could handle herself; she was tough. But something had stuck with him. She let him see past the uniform pretty early, all the way back when they didn't know about Sovereign or Reapers or the end of all galactic life. She had shown him the woman who came before the Commander, and something about the trust she had placed in him was heartwarming. If she ever called him on it, he'd make a crack about it making him feel "special."

They both knew it went deeper than that.

Joker grinned at his console when he finally spotted Shepard emerging form the women's bathroom with damp hair and fresh clothes. Her senses were uncanny. She could tell that he was watching, and she gave the camera a little wave. Whatever sour emotion she'd felt earlier was gone, replaced by a resolve to be feared.

* * *

_A.N.: Sorry for the long wait between updates! It's been very busy and hot here-too hot to have my beloved computer anywhere near me. She kicks off heat like a radiator. Chapter Seventeen will be posted on Saturday to make up for the long wait and get back to my schedule._

_I know this is shameless and rather annoying, but I'm not making a habit of it, so bear with me here. My second story, A Skyrim fanfiction called "We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes" is being rewritten and I need readers. The first two chapters are revised, and the next three will be done sometime soon. Reviews help me immensely with motivation, so the more I get, the faster I'll post.  
And while I'm on the topic of Elder Scrolls stories, I've recently started beta-reading one called "The Nerevarine's Return" by J. APPLEGATE. I read twenty chapters of it in one morning. I started beta-reading around chapter 48, so you may see a bit of my influence there. If you're a fan of Skyrim and/or Morrowind, you should definitely check that out. And even if you don't read that one, he wrote a few Mass Effect parody fics which had me laughing out loud. He definitely deserves the views._

_Again, please don't mind the giant Author's Note here. J. plugged this story in "The Nerevarine's Return," so I knew I should return the favor. And "Little Mad" really needs some love. As always, I respond to all my messages and reviews. It's the least I can do for you guys. I love hearing from you all and seeing how much you enjoy this. If you want to help out, leave me a suggestion for a one-word prompt to start off upcoming chapters! I have a few more pre-written, so your word may not show up next week, but I'd love to know what words you all think of!_


	17. Naked

**Seventeen: Naked**

Chasing Saren was out of the question. The Normandy was out of the Alliance's hands. Out of Shepard's hands. They were lured back to the Citadel with empty promises of a fleet to storm the Terminus, but they were screwed over. Ambassador Udina sold them out to the Council and forced them out of their ship.

When the news was announced, most of the crew disappeared onto the lower deck to gather their belongings. But not Joker. He bypassed every firewall, broke every code, and hacked every password that stood in his way to get his baby free, but it was still no use. He sighed in frustrated defeat and rubbed his forehead.

His omni-tool pinged, signaling a private message from Captain Anderson. It was brief, but that was all it had to be. Joker knew Shepard was still on board, so he searched the camera feeds—which he thankfully still had control over—and located her on the crew deck. She was taking her things from her locker and angrily throwing them into a bag, growling silent curses at the Council and the Ambassador.

Joker relayed the message from Anderson over the comm, earning a "thanks" and little more. She took a few more things out of her locker, and he sighed. "Hey, Shepard?"

"What?" She responded wearily.

"Y'know, I'd come with you to Flux if you wanted." He stated. "We'd have a couple drinks, make fun of the people dancin'."

"No. You should stay." Shepard replied distantly.

He scowled. "Why? It's not like I can do anything here."

"She's your ship, Joker. You should stay with her." Shepard insisted.

"Listen, crabby-cakes. I can't do anything." Joker repeated. "All I can do is stare at this one red button. I might as well keep you company."

Shepard's features turned up into a tiny smile. "Did you really just call me crabby-cakes?"

Joker laughed. "Damn. You picked up on that."

"Of course I did, smartass." She quipped back.

"Hey, don't make me come down there." He warned teasingly. "Just give me an hour to hobble down the stairs and I'll show you what's what."

She smiled, but it was insincere and sad.

"Aww, I think someone needs a hug." Joker remarked.

"Don't worry about me." Shepard said. "It's just... the Normandy is safe. It's home to me. Leaving is like having my armor ripped off in the middle of battle."

Joker smirked to himself as he pictured the scene. "You wearin' any clothes under that armor?"

She scoffed in response. "You are such a dog."

"What? I'm only human!" He shrugged. "You're lucky I didn't say anything about your ass."

She glanced up at the camera. "You wouldn't."

"I _so_ would." He corrected. "Have you seen your ass lately?"

Shepard sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay. I'll go see Anderson. But you're staying here, got it?"

Joker rolled his eyes. "Aww, but don't you wanna laugh at everyone there?"

"Nah." She smirked. "The Chora's Den crowd makes much better joke material."

* * *

_A.N.: I realize that many of you came to this story a little while after I posted my first few chapters. If anybody wanted to read more Mass Effect work, I have a oneshot called "Welcome Home" that stars Mara and Joker! You can find it on my profile page. It's a bit fluffier than this, and takes place somewhere between Mass Effect 2 and 3. Thank you for the lovely reviews you've all been leaving! They always make my day._

_\- Gairi_


	18. Push

**Eighteen: Push**

Liara, Tali, Kaidan, and Navigator Pressly were all on the bridge, throwing off Joker's groove. He hated it when people crowded him, and he could feel the pressure in the room. The Ilos landing was going to be rough, and everyone knew it. Shepard, however, was very collected, almost eerily so.

"Take us down, Joker. Lock in on the coordinates." She ordered.

As he moved to do so, Pressly interrupted. "Negative on that, Commander. The nearest landing zone's two klicks away."

"We'll never make it in time on foot!" Kaidan shouted tensely. "Give us something closer!"

"There is nowhere closer! I've looked!" Pressly yelled back.

"Drop us in the Mako." Shepard suggested evenly.

Pressly shook his head sharply. "You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain for a drop like that! The most I can find near Saren is twenty!"

"Twenty meters?" Kaidan repeated. "There's no way we can make a drop in that!"

"We have to try!" Liara declared insistently.

"Find another landing zone!" Kaidan instructed.

"There is no other landing zone!" Pressly argued.

"The descent angle's too steep." Tali added.

Liara looked at Shepard gravely. "It's our only option."

"It's not an option!" Kaidan countered. "It's a suicide run! We don't—"

"I can do it." Joker said quietly.

Shepard looked down at him, her stare somehow firm and gentle at the same time. "Joker?"

"I can do it." He maintained.

She turned around and looked at the others. "Suit up and head down to the Mako, Liara. Find Garrus on your way."

"Shepard—"

"Don't argue, Alenko. You're not coming anyway, so what are you worried about?" Shepard asked pointedly. Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard."

"Aye aye, ma'am." He nodded, already calculating the vectors and approach speed.

As the others slowly left, she lingered for a moment and positioned herself where he could see her. "Joker…"

"I can do it, Shepard." He insisted.

She placed her hand on his slouched back. "I know you can." She said, leaning over and kissing his cheek softly. She righted herself and walked away, her posture telling all.

She meant business, and so would Saren. If anyone could push that turian back, it was Shepard. But as of right now, Joker was the one who was pushing himself. If he didn't make that run perfectly, he could kill Shepard's squad and doom the rest of the galaxy.

But first he had to stop blushing.

"We're all strapped in, ready to go." Shepard said through his earpiece.

"Hold onto your hats. It's gonna be bumpy." Joker advised.

"You got this." She reassured him. Her voice was impossibly calm for a woman who was about to fall from the sky.

"I'll try not to kill you, Mara." Joker said in a barely audible mutter. If she heard it, she didn't acknowledge it, and as he dropped the Mako onto Ilos, he couldn't decide whether to be thankful or regret that.


	19. Alive

**Nineteen: Alive**

Sometimes, it really bugged Joker that all he had was audio. He heard yelling, then a massive crash, and from his scans of the Citadel tower, he could tell that part of Sovereign had flown through the window. He hadn't heard much aside from shifting metal after that, and he was getting upset.

Shepard had told him to hold back the rest of the fleet until the arms opened up, saving their strength for Sovereign instead of saving the Destiny Ascension. She knew it would probably make humanity pretty unpopular in the galaxy. So far, humans had been like that one know-it-all in the back of class—the one everybody knows is right but nobody wants to talk to.

It felt like hours before Captain Anderson let Joker patch into the audio on his omni-tool, and it was even longer still before the worried helmsman heard chatter.

Someone cried, "They're over here!" and Joker quickly reconnected his earpiece to Shepard's comm set.

"You there, Commander?" He called. "Come on, talk to me."

Nothing.

Captain Anderson asked, "Where is she? Where's the Commander?" but nobody replied.

"She's not…" One of the other people trailed off, and Joker felt his stomach clench with fear. He had been pretty upset about things before—angry, sad, worried—but he never felt afraid. Shepard seemed to push that particular button with him, and Joker didn't really like it.

More metal shifted in his earpiece, and the grinding was enough to make him mute the sound for a couple seconds. But then he looked down at his console and saw the small light that indicated which audio feed was making the noise. It was Shepard's. Unmuting the sound again, he hunched over the console as he tentatively called for her again.

This time, he heard more movement, followed by a light inhale.

"Mara?" He said, his fists tightly clenched. "You there?"

"Who were you expecting?" She managed through gritted teeth. "Saren?"

Joker rubbed his face and laughed with excited relief. "Goddamn, woman! You are a _serious_ badass!"

"Especially considering that a Reaper just landed on me." She seconded.

"I have Anderson on the other line. I can tell him where you are if he doesn't already know."

"Not yet." She breathed in sharply. "Just stay on for a second."

Joker leaned on his elbows. "Sure thing, Mars."

"Mars?" She repeated. "So I'm a planet to you now."

"Sorry if it's informal, ma'am." Joker corrected.

She laughed, but it sounded more like a pained huff. "Nah, don't worry. I kinda like it. The Alliance can shove their protocol right about now."

Joker grinned. "I'm with you on that one."

"I should probably get up before I bleed out." She said in a nonchalant tone.

"You'd better not die down there."

"Why?" He could almost hear her smug little smirk. "Would you miss me?"

He pursed his lips and decided, for once, maybe he'd let her win. "Yeah, Mars." He said in barely above a mutter. "I would."

* * *

_A.N.: Next chapter marks the end of part one. I don't know if I'll be taking a short break before part two, but I doubt it. This story is just too much fun! I'll be posting end-of-section statistics (total views and reviews count) next week as part of the Author's Note there. Stay tuned!_

_If you missed the earlier announcement, my Shoker oneshot, "Welcome Home," is still up and it's on my profile page. You'll also find my Elder Scrolls multichap there and a little bit about me._


	20. New

**Twenty: New**

Shepard grinned as she watched Joker hop onto the bridge. "What are you wearing?"

He made a face and leaned back against the wall. "It's my uniform. Never seen one before?"

She laughed. "I've seen uniforms. I've just never seen you wearing yours. I had you pegged as a 'comfort at all costs' kind of guy."

"What, you think I can't clean up?" He said, shooting her an indignant glare.

"I figured you could, but I wasn't about to make you. I'm a little surprised you're wearing a uniform at all."

"It's new and everything, too." He insisted, plucking at the fabric. "But you… I gotta say, I never thought I'd see you in a dress like _that_."

She smirked at him as he ran his eyes over her form. "You should probably pick your jaw up from the floor before the Admirals give you your medal. It'd make for a sloppy image."

Joker blinked and took a deep breath. "Sloppy image. Got it." He eyed her suspiciously as she stepped closer. "What are you doing?"

"You're still wearing your hat." She noted. "You should take it off."

Joker frowned. "It's Alliance-issue!"

"It may be regulation, but it's not classy." Shepard said pointedly. "You just killed a Reaper. You should look like the dashing hero you are."

"Dashing hero?" He repeated. "You're the one the Reaper just crashed on."

She only stared at him expectantly.

"Okay, okay." He finally pulled the hat off of his head and made a face at Shepard. "Happy now?"

"Almost." She replied, fixing his hair before he could stop her. She ruffled it and smoothed it down in places, even going so far as to part it differently. Despite his annoyance, he felt an urge to hug her while she was close.

He couldn't wait.

He draped his arms around her shoulders and her quiet hum of surprise melted into a smile.

"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed."

Joker pulled back a bit and smirked. "Left side, actually. There's a wall on the right."

Shepard pursed her lips. "Oh, forgive me, Flight Lieutenant Smartass." She said, giving him a playful glare. "Mind if I ask why I'm so magnetic today?"

He shrugged. "Maybe I just wanted a hug. Makes me feel all heartwarmed, y'know?"

Her expression morphed into one of curiosity. "But there's more, isn't there?"

"Don't read too much into it, okay?" He held his hands out as if trying to stop the unintended transfer of emotions. "We've got regulations and stuff."

She scowled, but not at him. "Do you feel that inescapable urge to smash your copy of the handbook too?"

Joker gave a little smirk and tugged at his newly freed hair. "Heh… wondered if that was just me…" He set his hat down on the headrest of his chair and glanced back at Shepard. "Maybe later, right, Mars?"

Despite knowing that "maybe later" really meant "we can't," a smile grew on Mara's face.

"Yeah, Jeff. Maybe later."

***End Part One***

* * *

_A.N.: I know this is a very quick update, but I couldn't help it; this chapter was calling for me to upload it and I just couldn't say no! I'll be taking a short break between this chapter and the beginning of Part Two, to give myself some time to adjust the chapters I already have and hopefully write some new ones. Work on "We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes" will continue as planned._

_Part One ending statistics:__ Reviews: 83. Favorites: 20. Followers: 31. Total Views: 5,112.__  
_

_Wow, you guys. That is A LOT! I'm so flattered and thankful that so many people have looked at this story, reviewed it, and love it enough to want more the minute it comes out. I really hope you all know that you're playing a huge part in my motivation and excitement for this story. As more of you have come to it and told me what you think, and as these numbers above have increased, I've been getting more invested in the ship, in my character, and in my writing in general. While this is definitely not the end of the story, or anywhere near it, I do feel a sense of completion. Part one is probably the hardest part of a story to write. I introduced you to Mara, my take on the galaxy, and I got a feel for Joker's character. You guys have supported me a lot during this, and for that, I thank you all so, so much._

_See you in Part Two!  
-Gairi_


	21. Murmur

*******Part Two*******

_Notice: This chapter is half again the usual length, equaling 750 words._

**Twenty-One: Murmur**

The day was bright, sunny, and warm. The grass was soft and the gentle breeze smelled like cherry blossoms. There were wildflowers dotted around the field, just begging to be picked.

Funerals weren't supposed to look this pretty.

The coffin was empty, so everyone wanted to fill it with useless junk that had "memories." Garrus dropped one of his case files on Saren into the box. Tali put in a holo Mara took of their party after the medal ceremony. Liara gave one of her studies on the effects of Prothean technology on the mind. Kaidan put in a gift he'd been saving for her, and Wrex brought a souvenir from Tuchanka, even though he didn't see the point in it.

In his hands, Joker held a small picture frame. When he pressed the small switch on the side, it flickered on to reveal an image of himself and the rest of the team.

Joker felt a tiny smile as he recalled the quip that made him stand with the others.

_"__What picture's complete without the most handsome pilot in the Alliance?"_

Joker was about to put the frame into the coffin, but just as Anderson said his name, a flashback tore through the tentative peace.

_"__Mayday, mayday, mayday! This is SSV Normandy! We've suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy!" He was just screaming into the endless vacuum. For all the good it was doing. His ship was still going down. His baby._

As much as Joker tried to ignore his fractured arm, he could feel the sling pulling when he shifted. He tried not to move as much as possible to keep himself from thinking of it.

_"__The Normandy's lost. Going down with the ship won't change that." She said. She sounded so pleading, so scared. When he looked at her, he thought he saw tears under the helmet. "Please, Jeff. We have to go."_

_"__Yeah. Okay." He relented. "Help me up."_

_An explosion racked the ship and she wrapped herself around him to shield him from the blast. Maternal instinct? Adrenaline? Love?_

_She grabbed his arm too sharply. He felt the crack in his bone as she pulled him from his seat._

Joker realized people were staring at him. Waiting for him. Quiet murmurs hummed through the crowd as they whispered about what he was doing and thinking. Joker looked down at the frame. It had a small sticker on the side—a pink heart with the word "family" printed on it.

Joker handed his crutches to Dr. Chakwas and shuffled over to the coffin. He was about to set the frame inside, but when he saw it in his hands, he could almost feel the heat of the fires and the trembling under his feet once again.

_"__Work with me, Jeff. Hold this." She shoved a picture frame into his hands and brought her arm around his back to get a better grip._

_She sat him down in the last escape shuttle and he strapped himself in. She fell backward as another explosion shook the vessel, and as pressure rapidly deserted the bridge, she was pulled out of the shuttle._

_"__Commander!" Joker cried, reaching out for her._

_She launched the shuttle mere seconds before she was pulled out of reach, her words rendered inaudible by the blasts._

_"__Mara!" Joker shot himself out of his seat and banged on the door, but it was no use._

_She was gone._

Joker sighed heavily. As he looked down again at the offering he was about to give, he closed his eyes and shook his head. "There were two things Mara cared enough about to save," he began firmly. "This picture, and the guy who flew her ship. I wouldn't chuck myself in there. It would make everything pointless. So I'm not chuckin' this in there either. It won't ever bring her back."

A murmur rose among the people once more as Joker pulled up a fistful of wildflowers and tossed them into the coffin half-heartedly. He grabbed his crutches back from Dr. Chakwas and walked away, the frame tightly clutched in his fingers.

Maybe Joker was keeping it for Mara, maybe he was keeping it for himself. To keep himself moving. If he let himself waste away, her sacrifice wouldn't mean a thing. She had gone back for_ him. _She died for_ him._ That picture frame? Petty compared to another human.

Joker could tell he was even more than that to her. And that hurt worse than anything else.

* * *

_A.N.: Welcome to Part Two! My excitement for the return of this story is tempered by the heavy mood of the chapter. Yes, this is after Shepard's death. I didn't want to open on such a depressing note, but the game itself did just that. _

_I'm experiencing writer's block on chapter twenty-six, which is the next chapter I have to write, and I need a new prompt. If anyone would be willing to offer me one word or a short phrase (like "Odds and Ends" or "Good Riddance"), I would be very grateful and would offer each suggester a shoutout in my next chapter. If I end up using one of the prompts, I'll give the author a follow for helping me out. If you're a guest, I'll just say thank you a lot in the Author's Note next week. :)_


	22. Born

**Twenty-Two: Born**

Mara awoke to see a wide room painted with light, soothing blues. Studying her surroundings, she noticed she was lying on her side in a bay window that looked out over a large, vibrant yard. She sat up and looked around sluggishly. The Moonlight Sonata, her favorite piece, was playing softly from a stereo panel on a wall. The chairs and sofa looked plush and were arranged around a small table. A light breeze was entering the room from a set of French doors, making the room pleasantly cool.

Slowly, Mara stood up. She was about to walk out into the yard when a figure came into the room through an archway she hadn't seen before. He was tall, with blond hair and cheerful brown eyes. He was Travis, her long-dead fiancé. She was surprised by his appearance, but somehow, it all just felt normal to her.

"You fell asleep in the sun again, Mara." He chuckled, approaching her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"What are you talking about?" She managed. "Where are we?"

"We're home, sweetheart." Travis replied, smiling. "It's been a while since we were together, and I know how you get when you just wake up." He tipped her chin up and kissed her. "But we're back together now, and we're going to stay like this for a while."

Mara pulled away from him, her brain slowly collecting itself. "But… where's the Normandy? Where's my crew?"

Travis sat down with her. "Sweetheart, they're gone. You left them and came here."

She frowned, deep in thought, as she tried to remember what had happened. All she could see was fire and smoke, and she could hear—

"Joker!" She suddenly exclaimed. "I pushed him into the shuttle and…"

"He's fine, Mara. They all are."

"But why am I here? Where are they?" She demanded worriedly.

Travis took her hands. "You came here because you wanted to, remember? You said you were okay with it. You wanted to be with me and your parents. They're here too."

Thoughts of Joker and the Normandy were immediately replaced by happy memories of her mother and father. Mara took a deep breath and looked around at the beautiful home.

"It feels a little like a dream." She said quietly. "They're really here? This place is ours?"

Travis nodded. "And your friends left us a couple messages. They'll be by sometime soon. A little house on your homeworld with a white picket fence—it'll be just like we planned."

Mara looked at the yard. "Yeah." She agreed. "It is." As she looked at the yard and listened to the piano, she realized this was the start of a new life. A virtual rebirth.

Mara's memories of a beautiful ship were all but gone. Even the stubborn thoughts of a man in a navy blue cap were slowly melting away. His smirk was hard to forget, but when she closed her eyes, the only thing she felt was Travis's hand in hers.

* * *

_A.N.: This is not my favorite chapter, I'll admit. But, it had to be written. I don't expect you guys to love it if I don't; it's sad and feelsy.  
In happier news, I found my prompt for chapter Twenty-Eight... which I may accidentally have labeled as Twenty-Six earlier. Thank you to Jules Hawke, J. APPLEGATE, Sidnika, and thepkrmgc for offering me ideas! They're all going into my backup list. _I ended up using "Damage" which was suggested in a PM by Sidnika, so she earned a follow from me and a huge "thank you!"_  
If anyone else has ideas for a one-word prompt, or a short phrase like "Odds and Ends", please send them to me in a PM or a review! I'll list your username as thanks in an author's note. If I use one of your prompts, I will give you a follow and special thanks. :)_


	23. Devious

**Twenty-Three: Devious**

Joker stumbled out of the bathroom after hurling for the second time that morning. Sleeping without nightmares wasn't worth the hangover.

Some brunette was on the sofa, asleep. Joker groaned. He knew he should wake her up, but he was in a permanent state of not caring. He grabbed his hat and crutches and quietly left the apartment.

Leaning up against a wall, he opened his omni-tool to see if anyone knew what happened the night before. He had a message, and it didn't look good.

_Hey,_

_You were pretty drunk last night. I want to make sure you're okay. I'll be at the aquarium on Zakera, level 24._

_–__Kaidan_

"Ah, crap." Joker muttered under his breath.

He caught a cab to the wards and made his way to the aquarium. He spent a few minutes watching the fish swimming lazily about, but he had to look away when his head started pounding. He hadn't thought Batarian ale would feel that bad the morning after.

"Mr. Moreau? Come with me." A woman in a tight jumpsuit approached him, staring at him like he wasn't worth the breath it took to say his name. She authority in her voice—a bit like Mara's. But Mara was gentle, and this woman was colder than a Noverian winter.

Joker scowled. "I'm meeting someone."

"I sent you that message," said the woman. "Mr. Alenko isn't coming."

He shrugged. "Well, at least I don't have to talk to him now."

"My name is Miranda Lawson," she said, ignoring his remark. "I work for an organization called Cerberus. We'd like to make use of your talents."

Joker gave her his infamous "_are you kidding_" side-eye, but she continued. "Our scientists have been working on a top-secret project. We want your help."

"Lady, I'm just a pilot," Joker snapped. "Hell, I'm not even that anymore."

Miranda spared him a withering glare. "We want you to fly for us. We'll pay you handsomely." She motioned him into a skycar, which he eyed warily.

"You really expect me to go with you?"

"If you don't like my offer, you can leave," she said, her arm still extended toward the passenger side.

Could he really pass up an opportunity to fly again?

Finally, he sat down in the skycar and Miranda closed the doors. She pressed a few buttons on her omni-tool and showed Joker several images of a broken body lying on a table in a room full of machinery.

It was Mara. She was intact… mostly. Half of her hair was toasted, but that didn't stop her from being the prettiest thing Joker had seen all day. His mouth went dry. He wanted to reach out and touch her, if only to shake her ass off that damn gurney.

"I take it you recognize her," Miranda said, reading Joker's expression. "You'll fly for us until she recovers, and then you'll work with her."

One more look at the pictures made up Joker's mind. "Just give me a ship."

* * *

_A.N.: I hit one hundred reviews the day after the last chapter went up! That's really incredible to me, and I'm so lucky and happy to have so many readers reviewing once or multiple times. You're all so great, and thank you so, so much. Really. In honor of that milestone, I wrote a new oneshot. It's called Warmer Smiles and, of course, features Mara and Joker. The link is on my profile page. Go check it out to celebrate 100 reviews with me!_


	24. Isolation

**Twenty-Four: Isolation**

An unfamiliar voice tore through Mara's head. She opened her eyes to a white room and cold metal. Pain shot through her side as she sat up. Her brain was working tirelessly to figure out where she was, giving her a headache. Alerts were sounding in the room, exacerbating the pain.

Mara's skin burned. She slid her hands across her face and felt streaks of hard scabs. She stood up shakily and flexed her fingers. The soldier in her was wide awake, but the woman beneath wanted to run back to paradise. Her muscles knew what to do from instinct, but it took her mind a few moments to catch up.

She was shooting mechs, running through some sort of facility. The insignia she saw on some of the walls was definitely _not_ the Alliance's. Finding audio logs and questioning a man who had knowledge of the "project" didn't help Mara at all. She was still confused, but her legs kept pushing her forward. Her fingers kept pulling the trigger. Even the words coming out of her mouth weren't quite her own. She wanted more information, but she needed to process what she had already heard.

Then, it finally hit her: she had died.

After that, things started processing faster and easier. She was in a Cerberus base. They had recovered her and put her back together. She had been brought back to life, even if she didn't want to be.

That paradise Mara was in—that heaven—she wanted to stay there. But Cerberus dragged her out and forced her back into the life she was content to leave. She was in a perfect world where the air was clean and cool and the sun was warm. Her fiancé was there, her parents were there. It was everything she'd ever wanted.

And Cerberus took it away from her.

Mara decided then and there: she _hated_ Cerberus. She hated their people, she hated their leader, she hated their very existence. She wouldn't kill them all, but she definitely wasn't about to thank them. They gave her life again, but she didn't want it. And then, there was _Miranda._ She was so flawless and arrogant. All Mara could think about was how good it would feel to punch the pretty right off her face.

As she sat in the shuttle off-station with Miranda and the rent-a-gun, Mara stared out the window at space. The stars reminded her of her death. Her lungs were pressing in on themselves, trying to get any ounce of air that remained in the suit. Her eyes followed the dim trail of the escape shuttles as they fell down to the planet's surface. Her friends were safe, but she was dying alone.

Mara felt spasms of pain in her chest and her hand clutched at her throat. She ignored the questions of the others as she buried her face in her hands. She was alone in space—again. She wasn't dead, but she sure wasn't living, either.

* * *

_A.N.: This is another chapter I don't love. The beginning of part two has been rocky so far, but it's a double upload today in celebration of 100 reviews and my newest oneshot, "Warmer Smiles". The next chapter should be pretty happy after all this gloom. Stay tuned!_


	25. Lost and Found

_Note: The following chapter is 150 words more than my usual limit, equaling 650 exactly. Since this is a double upload, make sure you didn't miss the previous chapter._

* * *

**Twenty-Five: Lost and Found**

It was _not_ a good morning. Joker forced himself out of bed, if only because of what Cerberus told him the previous night. Mara was alive, she was walking, but Miranda wouldn't tell him when he'd see her.

He had the usual bland breakfast in the mess before flying a couple of boring missions for Cerberus teams. It was the same as every other day, and the monotony was starting to get to him. But then, just after lunch, one of the lackeys told him to report to the comm room. They gave him one message: _It's time._

If it wouldn't have snapped his shins, he would've jumped for joy. He hobbled as quickly as he could to the comm room and forced himself down the stairs. Brittle bones be damned, he'd get to that woman.

She was standing with her hands on her hips in frustration, muttering obscenities at the Illusive Man. She made a very unladylike gesture toward the camera in the corner of the room, and Joker couldn't help but grin.

Every emotion was surfacing at once, making his stomach twist. He couldn't put words to some of them. So he stuck to what he knew: quips.

"Hey, Commander," he voiced, smirking as she whirled around. "Just like old times, huh?"

Mara's expression melted into a bright smile. She was quiet for a time—processing things, Joker assumed—and then she sprinted over to him faster than he ever thought she could run. His body tensed before his mind reacted, but her hug was anything but bone-breaking. The softness of her grip was surprising in its own right, considering how she'd approached, but Joker wasn't about to complain.

Allowing himself a moment of sentiment, he hugged her back as tightly as he could. He tried to ignore how well he felt his arms settle into the curves of her sides.

"I can't believe it's you, Joker," Mara mumbled into his shoulder.

"Look who's talking," he scoffed. "I saw you get spaced."

Mara broke the hug—reluctantly—and shook her head. "I got… _lucky_," she spat, "with a lot of strings." She started up the stairs. "But how'd _you_ get here?"

"It all fell apart without you," Joker answered, speeding up to take the lead. "Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. Team was broken up, records were sealed… I was grounded."

"They grounded _you_?" Mara sounded shocked. "Assholes."

"Tell me about it. The Alliance took away the only thing that mattered to me," Joker said bitterly. "Hell yeah, I joined Cerberus." He stopped at a window. The room beyond was dark, but he knew what awaited them inside.

Mara scowled. "You really trust them?"

"I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren't all bad. Saved your life." He nudged her with his elbow. "Gave me some nifty implants so I can walk without the crutches."

She gave a smile that didn't seem genuine. She was happy for him, but something still tightened within her chest.

"And then there's this," Joker said as the lights flicked on in the hangar below. "They only told me last night."

Mara's mouth fell open and her expression was indiscernible between joyous surprise and cold shock. However, when she pressed her hand to the glass and drew so close that every breath fogged the window, it became clear that it was the former.

"Our girl… she's back."

Joker couldn't stop the mile-wide grin he felt. "Yes, she is, Mars."

Mara pulled herself away from the window and grabbed Joker's hand. "Okay… you were right," she admitted. "Maybe they aren't bad."

Joker cupped his free hand up to his ear. "Oh… what's that?" He asked teasingly. "Is that the sound of Hell freezing over?"

Mara let him have that one. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. It doesn't matter anyway." She sighed. "I guess we're home."

* * *

_A.N.: Okay! The other half of my double upload! Sorry for the wait. I had some things to take care of and this chapter underwent a rewrite before I posted it, so it took extra time. I couldn't squeeze the rest of the words out, so I decided to just increase my limit for the chapter. Hope you all don't mind! I ended up re-titling this, and I used J. APPLEGATE's suggested prompt of "Lost and Found". So a huge thank you to J, and as always, if anyone else has ideas for prompts, don't hesitate to let me have them.  
I noticed I got some new followers, and I'd just like to take the time to say thank you to all of my followers-both of this story and of me as an author. You're all so wonderful and it makes me feel so many things when I look at the numbers. I feel humbled, but proud of myself, incredibly small in a vast sea of people, but also big enough that people in so many countries have taken notice, and above all, it makes me thoroughly excited. I'm so lucky and grateful that you're all so nice to and supportive of me.  
Okay, rant over. I tend to get sentimental about my readers. *sniffle*._


	26. Reflect

**Twenty-Six: Reflect**

Everything seemed so much louder when another was sleeping. Every creak of Mara's hard bunk seemed certain to wake the softly snoring pilot beneath her. Even her breath was noisy.

Getting up wasn't going to happen. Irrational though it was, she couldn't wake Joker. Not today; not with her in this state. She was sure she had purple streaks under her eyes. Her throat felt raw and when she exhaled, she rasped. She was not the way she used to be.

She was not Mara, and she couldn't let Joker see this… other.

They called her Shepard or Commander—Joker called her Mara. It just felt foreign. Travis had called her Mara, back in… wherever she was, but it sounded right from him.

Where had she been, anyway? Heaven? A delusion? An intensely realistic dream? Wherever it was, it was better than here. She had her fiancé and her parents and her childhood friends all around her. Those closest to her from the Akuze unit had come to visit, wondering when she and Travis were planning the wedding.

_There is no wedding; you're all dead._

Mara felt the back of her throat fill with a feeling she couldn't place. Was she going to throw up? Was it her anxiety? Or was it something new that the whole experience had brought upon her? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

She wanted to stand up and move. When she swung her legs off the side, the bed groaned again in protest. The creaking subsided when her feet landed on the cold steel floor with an audible _thwack_. She winced as Joker stirred and the snoring stopped.

She held herself perfectly still and held her breath without realizing it. She was too considerate of his needs. She'd just been brought back to life—he'd had two years to sleep.

Looking around, she caught sight of a two-way mirror on the wall. Apparently, Cerberus didn't trust the former friends together at night. Had they been watching them the whole time?

Mara dared to move again and approached the mirror. She looked at herself and felt that clichéd feeling of unfamiliarity. Her eyes were red and puffy—purple streaks lining the bottoms as she'd expected. Her hair was longer and when she ran her fingers through it, it was just a big tangle of blonde strings. Her face was marbled with scars of all sizes, and she could have sworn they became angrier with her mood.

_Who am I looking at?_

Mara ignored her footsteps as she walked back toward Joker's bed. His arm had swung out of the bunk and his thin, fragile fingers were brushing the floor. She knelt down and gently settled his arm back beside his body.

Fingers still lingering on his, she couldn't bring herself to move. Before, she had been so worried of him waking. But now?

She shifted her hand so she was holding his and made herself whisper a new order.

"Wake up."

* * *

_A.N.: I missed my regular upload date yesterday and for that I deeply apologize. This chapter needed an entire rewrite and I wasn't expecting that, and I was having so much fun yesterday that a solemn chapter like this was out of the question. I do not regret the fun, I will merely atone for my lateness by giving you what I think is one of my better chapters, compared to the more recent ones that I haven't loved. But who knows? Maybe you all won't like this one and these are just the musings of a writer who went to bed at four in the morning. Because of that last little factoid, please let me know if you see any mistakes. That goes for all of my chapters and all of my stories. I try to edit and proof-read everything I write, but it can be a challenge sometimes and I can't really beta-read myself. So please, whether it's grammar, spelling, or continuity, alert me to any errors in my work.  
_


	27. Winter

**Twenty-Seven: Winter**

Shepard stepped onto the recently named Normandy SR-2. Her eyes flicked from console to blinking console, staring at the newness of it all, and her smile dissolved. Her eyes faded, and she felt like someone had punched a hole in her chest.

It was so much bigger than the SR-1, with at least double the staff and triple the space. But all that space was empty and cold, like the ship had been covered in snow. The walls were white and the lights were glaring. Between Miranda's attitude and the blank expressions of the crew, it was as cold and unwelcoming as Mindoir in winter.

When Mara went upstairs to examine her new quarters, she was floored. She had a room that was bigger than her first apartment, with her own bathroom and a massive fish tank in the walls. It was insane… and unwanted, just like everything else Cerberus had given her.

She stormed out of the elevator and ignored the yeoman, instead making her way to the bridge. It already smelled like coffee, and it was the only place on the ship that was small and dim. That was how Mara liked her ship. Cozy—not white and clean like a hospital.

Joker, already settled in, spun his chair around and met Shepard with a wide smile. "Can you believe this, Commander? It's my baby! Better than new! Fits me like a glove!" he exclaimed. "And leather seats! Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they could care less if the seats breathe. Civilian sector comfort by _design_."

"The reproduction is not intended to be perfect, Mr. Moreau," the AI droned from its console. "Seamless improvements were made."

"And _there's_ the downside," Joker remarked. "I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this _thing _I don't wanna talk about. It's like ship cancer."

Shepard shook her head and dropped into the copilot's chair. "It's not the same, Joker," she sighed miserably. "There's nothing here that was even a part of the real Normandy."

"There's us." Joker pointed out. "I have to take what I can get. The last two years sucked."

Mara buried her face in her hands. "Did they really?"

"Well… yeah," Joker answered hesitantly. "Wasn't the same without you, Mars."

"It still won't be," Mara mumbled. "I'm not even me anymore."

"Of course you are," Joker assured her. "I mean, yeah, the old Shepard never moped around like this, but hey, I'm gettin' hugs now."

Mara glared at him. "I am not 'moping around.'"

Joker snorted. "C'mon. Have you heard yourself?" When she hung her head sadly, he added, "You'll see. Even if an AI is spying on us, no way they'll invest this much just to screw us over. It'll be _better_ than the old days."

"I hope so," Mara responded, the flicker of a smile crossing her face. "I died."

Joker shook his head as he spun his chair back. "Gah, you're such a downer."

* * *

_A.N.: Okay, I know this is still a bit "moody" of Mara. The next chapter will also be a little bit like this. However, I'm starting to put more hope back into these chapters, and into her mind. She just needs to warm up to these new things, and she will be okay eventually. The next few chapters, I think, will be increasingly hopeful and less moody or broody.  
Also, to alleviate any confusion brought about by the last chapter, Mara was not yet in the Normandy. She was still in the Cerberus base due to some testing or last-minute details that had to be added. The Normandy SR-2 is 100% brand new when Mara and Joker step on board. Thank you all for putting up with sad!Mara, because I know that nobody really wants to read a sad story (unless you're that sort of people, in which case, I guess you're all set) but sometimes happy stories have to include sad moments. I don't want to make my characters miserable, but I know for a fact that nobody wants to read a story about "Mara, the hero whose life was totally perfect and has no qualms about being revived whatsoever!" That's boring.  
Anyway, end ramble. Thank you guys so much for following me and supporting me, because you're so amazing and your reviews and favorites and follows just mean so much. I read and respond to all my reviews and messages, so if anyone has a question, concern, or suggestion, feel free to let me know. I accept all constructive criticism._


	28. Damage

**Twenty-Eight: Damage**

Omega was a broken, twisted station. Not just because of the inhabitants' morals—the structure itself looked like a petrified jellyfish, its metal frame dripping downward like the tentacles of some long-forgotten sea beast.

For once, Mara would agree with Miranda—she felt like she needed a shower too. Standard decontamination couldn't remove the filthy stares people shot her as she walked the streets and tried to keep her head low. She could stand the way the vorcha hissed at her, the way the asari dancers seemed to wave her into their world. She was even strong enough now to resist the pull of the junkies that lined the streets, bottles of pills and empty needles clutched in their cold, trembling hands.

But the station was hideous. Too hot in some places and bone-achingly cold in others. The air was bitter with the smell of rancid food and alcohol. If someone had died, the body was left until someone came along who cared. Maybe they didn't care about the deceased and just wanted the streets to be a little less crowded. Nobody cared on Omega.

The rest of the galaxy didn't matter here. If anybody desired to leave, the ability was crushed within a week. Thieves, liars, con men, and "protection agencies" bled every traveler dry. Mara was lucky her bank accounts were frozen.

Aria, the self-proclaimed queen, was no better than the rest. She could handle herself, sure, but she was rotten and twisted to the core, just like her "kingdom." Mara knew the asari wasn't worth it. The whole station wasn't worth it. She didn't care who she could pick up there; she'd probably pick up twelve different diseases by the time she found her potential crewmembers.

It was even worse in the quarantine zone. Bodies were in the streets, left to rot and burn; mercenary groups were shooting each other down across entire sections of the district; humans were trapped in their houses for fear of going outside.

But then, there was the doctor.

Mordin Solus, the genius—according to the Illusive Man. After hearing Mordin ramble for five minutes straight, counting the words she understood on one hand only, she believed it.

He needed a cure for the plague. A suicide mission in its own right, storming into vorcha-infested territory.

_At least it isn't batarians, _Mara thought. The dying one outside had cursed and spit at her, and yet she'd not felt the fear from Mindoir closing her throat.

Was she getting better?

Maybe being in that heaven—which was slipping from her mind too quickly—had actually helped? Maybe she _was_ recovering. She needed more, of course, but she'd had so much help before that perhaps she hadn't noticed how much of an improvement she'd made. She would no longer run in fear of batarians or slavers. She would realize that Mindoir was then and she was living _now_. She would fix herself.

She would fight. And if Mara Shepard could fight, she could win.

* * *

_A.N.: I really like this chapter. It was originally much, much darker than it is now, if you can believe that. It's finally warming up, and the next chapter ends with *gasp* fluff! Okay, it's sad, post-upsetting-experience fluff, but it's fluff nonetheless. And after that chapter, things should finally be on the up-and-up with my dear Mara! I'm definitely wanting to write some happy!Mars. She deserves it! She should make a pie or something.  
At any rate, it's an early upload because I couldn't wait until tomorrow since I just finished the next chapter, and I'm really looking forward to some feedback and likes/dislikes about this chapter as well as the next. It isn't a double upload, but I'm just so excited that I hope I've piqued your interest about next week's too!  
__-Gairi  
(P.S. I'm going to start "signing" my notes again because why not? Also, there will be news on my profile page sometime within the next week. Hopefully, I'll have my first blog up and running, so if you like the way I write, be sure to watch for that. I'll be talking about original stories, characters, my life in general, and some other fun goodies you won't get unless you check that blog out! I'll post information about it as it happens, so keep an eye on my profile page!)_


	29. Color

**Twenty-Nine: Color**

She'd been so happy to see him.

When Garrus dropped his helmet, Mara felt her heart leap and she completely ignored her squadmates. She ran at him, practically toppling him over in a tight embrace. He played along and caught her, lifting her a foot from the ground.

But it didn't take long before a battle started. Mara wondered how Garrus was surviving alone when so many mercenaries wanted his head. He could handle himself, but against three organizations at once?

Even Archangel couldn't surpass those odds.

Eventually, he lost. A high-powered rocket to the neck made sure of that.

Joker, watching from the cameras Cerberus had installed in every squadmate's earpiece, saw what Mara wouldn't remember. She flew across the room, through the opening where the window used to be, and drove her omni-tool through the windshield of the gunship. Her jump from the gunship back to the window was impossible, but she made it, and without a glance to the mercenaries around her, she scrambled back to Garrus.

The blue on the light steel floors was striking. Alien blood was so foreign—Joker often found himself expecting them to bleed red like humans. Turian blood was just… shocking.

Or perhaps that just because it was _this _turian.

Mara's words were choked and rapid. Joker almost couldn't understand them. Somehow, he did. He contacted Doctor Chakwas—she readied the med bay. He sent out as many crew members as he could—they streamed out of the Normandy like ants.

Mara tottered back onto the ship and dropped like a ragdoll. She missed the copilot's seat completely and thudded to the floor.

Joker's body shot out of his chair before his brain caught up, and he was beside her. She slouched like a teenager and trembled like an addict. When she spoke, it was rough and hushed, but emotionless.

"He's going to die."

Joker's mouth felt dry and unusable. "Ah, Mars… y'know Garrus. He's a tough guy."

"He took a rocket from a gunship that was just below military grade."

"He's still alive."

"Is he?" Mara turned her head, but not her eyes. She was intensely focused on the blue flickering of EDI's console. The shade was too similar to turian blood, and she closed her eyes. She saw Garrus stumble backwards and fall, but after that was just blank.

Joker reached over and cupped her shoulder in his hand. She tensed.

"What, no touching all of a sudden?"

That was the unforeseen breaking point. Her face contorted, and for once, she looked _ugly._ She shot her hand out and grasped his shirt, pulling herself into his arms. She nearly forced him into a hug, and he settled his arms on her back and let her cry.

A soft blinking from Joker's omni-tool made him glance down.

_[Chakwas, K] He'll be alright._

Joker let out his relief as a slow breath that stirred the blonde flyaways resting beneath his chin. Garrus would be alright… and that meant Mara would too.

* * *

_A.N.: Happy Saturday! There isn't much to say about this chapter, other than how much I enjoyed writing it. It's very sad, but we all know that Garrus will be okay, and plus, Shoker hugs cure pretty much anything. My next chapter will definitely be a little calmer - Mara's finally letting herself take some down time - and I'm looking forward to writing it. There are new updates on my profile page, so feel free to take a quick look over there and check it out!  
-Gairi_


	30. Comfort

**Thirty: Comfort**

As the door to her room whooshed open, Mara spun her chair to see Joker's familiar grin.

"Happy hour?"

"Says the man without booze." She smiled and set down the ship model she'd been working on. "Why'd you come up here?"

"Karen said I should check on you, hence the lack of booze." He shuffled down the steps and sat on her sofa. "You doin' okay?"

Mara followed suit and sat beside him. "I guess. You never really get over seeing friends almost—"

"Die?" Joker finished. "Yeah, I know how that feels."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well… it's not like I can say I had it worse. You're the one who actually died."

"You _did_ have it worse," Mara insisted. "I was dead; obviously I didn't have to experience what you went through. You had to keep living—I can't imagine what that was like. I'm sorry."

Joker scoffed. "Sorry for what? Dying? You can't apologize for dying."

"I can apologize for leaving. I left you and Garrus and everyone else."

Joker slouched back into the sofa. "I can't blame you because you died."

"No, Jeff, you can."

His brows furrowed at the sound of his name. "Why?"

"So I won't blame myself. I keep thinking there was one more second I could've saved, and I wouldn't have died. I wouldn't—"

"It _is_ your fault," Joker interjected, glaring at her. "Everything is your fault. You're the one who had to come back for me and screw everything up."

Mara's breath froze in her throat and she looked away. Even though she knew she'd _asked_ him to blame her, she wasn't expecting how crushed she'd feel when he said the words.

His glare vanished and was replaced by his infamous "I-told-you-so" stare. "See how it feels when I blame you? That's how it feels when I hear you blame yourself."

Mara didn't say anything. She picked up one of his hands and began to trace circles into his palm with her thumb. "I didn't know. Does it really feel like that?"

"I blamed myself all the time when you died." He closed his fingers around her thumb. "But then you came back, and I didn't have to do that anymore. Yeah, you went through hell, but it's over. The old gang's all alive, the Normandy's better than ever… we got back what we lost."

Mara shook her head. "We'll never get the time back."

"We'll make up for it." He released her thumb and she laced her fingers together with his. "We'll do everything we wanted to. To hell with those two years. We're _back_."

She leaned her head onto his shoulder, and he stiffened a little.

"Hey, Mars?"

"Joker?"

He paused and glanced down at her. Did he feel guilty because he didn't want to move her, or because he didn't want to like being able to feel her breath on his collar? "Never mind," he murmured, a smile beginning to form. "Stay right where you're at."

* * *

_A.N.: Fluff! This chapter went through so many edits... and you can expect another set of interesting interactions from my next one. As a little treat for getting to 30 chapters, I'll let you in on the title of the next chapter: "Belong." I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks so much for carrying me to 30 of these things! This is more than my first novel! :) As always, if there are any mistakes that you see, please point them out to me so I can fix them.  
-Gairi_

_Edit 10/18: A reader pointed out that I incorrectly labelled this chapter as twenty-nine. It's actually the thirtieth chapter._


	31. Belong

**Thirty-One: Belong**

Mara did like something about the new Normandy—its windows. She'd thought looking out at the stars would make her feel sick, remind her of her death, but she found it quite the opposite. It distracted her nicely by giving her train of thought the chance to switch tracks.

Mara's favorite place by far was the bridge. The way the stars streamed by like ribbons of light was mesmerizing. Joker found her presence somewhat distracting—especially since all she did was sit silently in the copilot's chair. At least she could be cracking jokes or answering absurd questions like they used to do.

About a day before their scheduled meeting with the prison ship Purgatory, Mara was approaching her third hour of sitting in the bridge, and Joker had finally had enough. "What gives?" he asked, swiveling his chair toward her. "You haven't said anything all day."

She turned around, her expression indiscernible between surprise and annoyance. "I've been thinking."

"Well, at least think out loud or somethin'. You're distracting." Before she could reply, he started to correct himself. "I mean, not like, _distracting _distracting; more like 'hard to do my job' distracting. Ma'am."

Mara smiled. "You haven't called me that in a while."

He shrugged, inwardly grateful she didn't notice his word wreck. "You're pretty much just you, Mars. Hard to see you as the commander anymore."

She frowned. "Did I lose that authority?"

"No, no," he retracted, "it's just me. Garrus thinks you're great, and you've got Jacob crawling up your ass enough… I think you're fine in the authority department. Hell, you put Miranda in a sulk just because Mr. Man is giving you better toys."

Mara allowed herself a smirk at the mention of Miranda's displeasure. "About time she got the memo that I'm in charge."

"If you guys go at it, dibs on the balcony seats," Joker said, gently swiveling his chair back and forth. "I'll be the guy with the popcorn taking pictures."

"Noted." She paused for a moment. "Why do I have authority with them, but not you?"

"Nah, you got it wrong," he said, adjusting his cap. "I _respect_ you 'cause you're an ass-kicker. I _follow_ you 'cause you're my commander." He switched off a few screens that were demanding his attention with flickers and blips. "I _like_ you 'cause you're human."

She felt her stomach stir and tried to calm it. She wondered if her voice would fluctuate with her heartbeat. "I respect you for doing this all day." She motioned to all the flashing buttons and screens. "When you're concentrating, you rattle off numbers and words that I can't even follow. I trust you because you're a damn good flight lieutenant."

"And?" he asked expectantly.

She studied his expression for a moment. "I like you because I don't always have to stare at the stars to feel better."

He narrowed his eyes questioningly.

"There's a reason I like the bridge better, Jeff," she said. "Let's leave it there for now."

* * *

_A.N.: There isn't much to say about this chapter, but I hope that isn't the case for you guys! If anybody sees any mistakes of the grammatical or spelling nature, please don't hesitate to inform me. I do proofread my own chapters, but on occasion, something can slip through the cracks. This goes for all future and past chapters as well. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I really like being as error-free as I can be._


	32. Choke

_**NOTICE: **This is technically the same chapter as the Author's Note, but making two new ones would mess up the chapter numbering. This is a double upload, so please don't miss the next chapter. Your reviews for this chapter can just be written with reviews to the next one, if you've already given me feedback on this chapter when the notice was first posted. Thank you for all the well-wishes and please enjoy the full version of **Thirty-Two: Choke.**__  
_

* * *

The room was swimming before Mara's eyes. Familiar shapes of railings and crates became distorted and crooked like a reflection in a disturbed pond. A word rang in her mind, identifying what caused the sensation:

Pain.

She hadn't felt so much of it since she'd died – even her death was more of a tight squeeze, pressure on her chest and then nothingness. But this… she'd almost forgotten how it felt to lose her shields with no accessible cover, but now she remembered.

Garrus wasn't ready to go on a high-risk mission, according to Dr. Chakwas, but he'd insisted on accompanying Mara to the prison ship Purgatory.

Now, he'd taken one too many concussive shots to the abdomen and Mordin was forced to abandon his position to keep the turian from becoming overwhelmed. Now, with Garrus down for the count and Mordin's position overrun, Mara was on her own.

On her own, of course, except for Joker.

He'd been watching the fight since it began, but audio was distorted and everything had a furious red hue from the lights. Sounds of gunfire laced with static were only interrupted by various pained noises from Mara.

For painfully long moments, Joker sat hunched over his consoles, attempting to find any way to disable the shields that surrounded Purgatory's warden. After Mara's attempted kidnapping, the ship was thrown into disarray, affecting everything technological.

He managed to find a series of remotely-controlled generator pylons, and he hoped those were the ones that powered the shields. He didn't have time to test his theory.

"Shepard!" he called to her headset.

"I'm a little busy!"

"I can get the shields down!"

Bursts of gunfire – followed by the desperate clicking of an empty pistol – preceded the thud of Mara's back against one of the few pieces of cover left intact. "Try," she groaned, "I'm out of options."

"You have to buy me five minutes, and I can override the shields."

"Five minutes? That's a lot when—" The sound of something heavy smashing into metal would have drowned out her speech if she hadn't already cut herself off with an especially painful cry.

He didn't have five minutes. He had to do the unthinkable.

"EDI, shut down those shield pylons!"

She didn't speak, only showing her acknowledgement with a flicker of white on her blue hologram, and strings of code even Joker couldn't process flashed down the screens of his console.

Whirrs sounded from within Purgatory and Mara gave a shout of triumph. Mara had scrounged enough clips to finally finish the warden off. He was too easy for the effort it took to get to him.

She shrank against the wall, giving an exhale too long to be normal.

Joker leaned back. "You okay?"

"Could be better," she replied softly. At the worried silence she received from him, she shook her head. "I'll be alright. Now—" the word sounded strained and harsh as she pushed herself up again— "Let's try to actually _recruit_ this 'Jack' character…"


	33. Boredom

**_Notice: _**_This is a double upload, and the last chapter was technically replaced, not newly created, so make sure you don't miss that chapter!_

* * *

**Thirty-Three: Boredom**

Joker was in the middle of a rather heated "discussion" with the Artificial Brat when his omni-tool pinged. He jammed the AI's mute button and flicked open the message.

_[Mara] Are you busy?_

He hoped she wasn't asking for something like a cup of tea – or worse, requesting him to do his job – but he tapped out a reply anyway.

_[Moreau, J] Nah, why?_

_[Mara] Ah… it's silly. You're working._

Joker scowled. If she interrupted him, she wasn't allowed to back out of it. _[Moreau, J] Come on, spill. What's up?_

There was a short pause before the response. _[Mara] I wanted to know if you're up for Random Questions._

Joker switched the Normandy onto autopilot and kicked back in his chair. EDI's console flashed as if she was trying to speak to him, but he happily ignored her. _[Moreau, J] You wanna start?_

_[Mara] Ooh, I have a choice?_

Joker couldn't help but imagine a smile on her face. Before he could reply, another message blipped onto the screen.

_[Mara] You start._

_[Moreau, J] Okay, can you... operate a holo-screen with your feet? _Joker grinned at the thought of her exasperated sigh when she saw his question and took a sip of his lukewarm coffee while he waited for her reply.

_[Mara] What._

_[Moreau, J] Isn't this a "random" question game?_

_[Mara] No, I've never tried to operate a holo-screen with my feet. I don't think I could if I wanted to._

_[Moreau, J] Come on! I've tried. I totally sent messages._

_[Mara] Don't you mean "toe-tally"?_

_[Moreau, J] ...Whoa. Did you just pun?_

_[Mara] Can't be proven. My turn. Your honest opinion of music from 2 centuries back?_

Joker switched on one of the few radio stations the ship received in space and sent her a thirty-second clip of whatever song was playing. After a few moments, he took to the keyboard again. _[Moreau, J] That answer it?_

_[Mara] It's certainly not your sort of music. You strike me more as the foreign ballad type. Only certain people understand you at all, and fewer still like you enough to listen to you every day._

_[Moreau, J] ...I'd say you're psychic, but you've already claimed to be a sidekick instead._

There was a long pause before she replied with an all-caps _OH!_

_[Mara] How did you remember that? The first time we did this, right?_

Joker smiled, glad he wasn't the only one who remembered it. _[Moreau, J] Yes, ma'am. Like Batman's Robin, right?_

_[Mara] I'm impressed at you. You sure you didn't look at an old screenshot or something?_

_[Moreau, J] I'm making an indignant face at you right now._

_[Mara] I'm sure. It's your turn, Mr. Indignant._

A few flickers on his console caught his attention. He switched the Normandy off autopilot and readjusted his chair. _[Moreau, J] Can't. Hour away from Korlus._

_[Mara] Damn. I'll get my group together. Thanks for indulging me, Joker._

_[Moreau, J] I'm taking a rain check on my turn. Signing off._

* * *

_**A.N.:** I really love this chapter. I think it's a nice quiet one that brings out the high points of their friendship. A reviewer recently mentioned that it would be good to see them have more "friendly" conversations, rather than skipping right into romance. While I don't feel that I'm rushing things, it made me take a look at how Mara and Joker were interacting, and thus, this chapter. See, guys? Of course I pay attention to your reviews! :)  
**For clarity:** This chapter makes a reference to **Eleven: Odds and Ends**, and shares the same texting format, but I slightly altered it here. You'll notice that Mara's messages begin with [Mara] where it was previously [Shepard, M]. This is due to Joker editing her contact information in his omni-tool and listing her as Mara. The default is the last name and the first initial, which is why his messages still begin with [Moreau, J]. We're seeing the conversation from his screen only in this chapter.  
__Also, while writing their names so much, I realized that if they ever get married, her name will be Mara Moreau. I just think that's adorable.  
__Apologies for the long AN, but I guess I had a lot to say! As always, you're all lovely and wonderful and please, don't hesitate to let me know if you see anything wrong with the chapter. I didn't really proofread it today._

_-Gairi_


	34. Difficult

**Thirty-Four: Difficult**

_Note: This chapter is 100 words more than the usual length, equaling 600 words exactly._

Mara had seen many krogan, and she respected them greatly. Urdnot Wrex had left such an impression that she would never dare offend any member of his species, even hostile ones. They were warriors with honor and pride, and Mara understood those values.

While she appreciated the krogan, she had never been in awe of one. Now, staring through the glass of this liquid-filled tank, she couldn't claim that anymore.

A fully-grown krogan stood in the tank, stoic and motionless. Mara couldn't help but be impressed with the amount of work and dedication it must have taken for the warlord Okeer to create this being. He was as large as any she'd seen before, with one odd exception: he lacked the trademark hump normally used for water and nutrient storage. Wrex's had been… impressive, to say the least, but this krogan didn't seem to have much of one, if he even had one at all.

Mara glanced at the camera in the corner of the room. "EDI, let him out."

"Shepard, krogan are dangerous in open battlefields, let alone enclosed spaces."

"I know what I'm doing." Mara crossed her arms. "Let him out."

Mara could swear she heard EDI sigh. "Very well, Shepard. The controls – and the consequences – are yours."

Mara scowled. That wasn't what she'd intended, but she approached the controls with caution. She pressed a few buttons and the glass shuddered as the liquid was drained out. The tank opened up with a hiss and the krogan fell to his knees, bracing himself up on his hands as he coughed out a lungful of water.

Mara instinctively took several steps back and her muscles tensed. The krogan moved his head up and opened his eyes, revealing a set of unnaturally startling blues. He glanced from the window to the locked door and his gaze landed on Mara.

The krogan froze. In an instant – and before Mara could react – he leapt off the floor and propelled himself headfirst into her. She was slammed against the wall, pinned between four hundred pounds of krogan and a sheet of cold metal. Despite the pressure of his arm on her chest, she summoned enough breath to protest.

"I want to help you," she said. "My name is Mara Shepard. I'm the commander of the—"

He growled impatiently, cutting her off. "I don't need your name. I need mine." His eyes flicked from spot to spot, taking in every inch of Mara's face and the room around them. "The tank… said many words. None of them meant anything. Warlord, Legacy, Grunt… Grunt was among the last." His wide lips folded into a frown. "It has no meaning. It'll do."

"Nice to meet you, Grunt," Mara managed. "I need your help. I need the best of the best. You were bred for that."

He grunted – fitting, for his new name. "You… command respect. Your voice and your face are determined. I will follow you, if you lead me to worthy enemies."

Mara gave a relieved smile. "Glad you saw reason, Grunt." She nudged him gently with the blade of her omni-tool.

He let out a bark of laughter. "Offer one hand and arm the other, eh? I like you, Shepard." He pulled his arm away and her feet met the floor again. "Give me an order, and I will follow it, until I find my purpose."

"I'll do my best to give you one," Mara vowed. "For now, feel free to explore the ship and make yourself at home."

"Home…" Grunt whispered as Mara left the room. "I… can make myself at home."

* * *

_A.N.: This chapter just couldn't be trimmed down! I'd have to sacrifice either the introduction or the ending, and neither of those were removable. Of course, I don't think you all will mind it. :) The prompt, Difficult, was just that. Difficult to write with. I ended up just following my train of thought, so I hope the chapter is well put-together and on par with my previous ones. As always, do leave me a review or PM if you have any questions or remarks, as I love hearing from you guys and I always read them. If you see any mistakes, don't hesitate to point those out as well._

_-Gairi_


	35. Heat

**Thirty-Five: Heat**

Horizon. A line where the ground meets the sky.

"A line…" Mara growled as she met her own eyes in the mirror. _A line where everything you know ends._

She sneered at her reflection and slammed her hands down on the small countertop. Biting her lip and sighing, she took a deep breath and slowly slid herself out of the bathroom. Her palms were reddening after their too-harsh impact with the cold metal counter, and she grimaced at them as her fingers gently trembled.

_This is pathetic._

Mara sat down at her desk and slowly spun the chair with her feet. Looking around at the clutter that had accumulated, her gaze landed on a picture frame, slightly damaged. The pink heart sticker was peeling, and its white-lettered "Family" was faded. She felt a pang of guilt at leaving Kaidan on Horizon when she saw his face. He was part of her family, and she just let him walk away.

Mara felt the angry hotness of flushing cheeks, and she forced herself to look at the rest of the picture. Tali, Liara, Wrex... Mara's heart ached when she found Garrus, smooth-faced and smiling – as best as a turian could. Her mind introduced the image of him in the med bay, but she blinked it away.

_I'm so sorry, Garrus._

Engineer Adams, Navigator Pressly, and Doctor Chakwas were also on one end of the picture, all grinning like they'd had the best day of their lives.

Now, one likely hated Mara for her "choice" of work, another was dead, and the third was the only person in the Alliance – _formerly_ in the Alliance – who would accept Mara now.

And then, she saw Joker.

Unlike the others, he didn't smile in that photograph. He was smirking, as if he knew a deep secret and was dying to tease someone about it. It looked genuine. Mara hadn't seen him smirk like that since she'd died, and while that was a long time ago for her, it was an eternity for him. She wondered if she'd ever see that smirk again, and an unexpected tear dripped down her cheek when she speculated "no."

Mara's fingers curled around the top of the frame, and she was infinitely close to slamming it down on the desk. But she noticed how it flickered and blinked on occasion, and she knew she could very well break the frame by doing so. Standing up and pacing around, Mara gave herself a moment to think rationally.

"Who stayed?" she asked herself audibly. Her voice sounded too severe in the near-silence of her room, but she could almost envision herself speaking to Kaidan. "When Garrus saw me, he knew he'd be coming with me. Doctor Chakwas left the Alliance for this. For me. Joker came to Cerberus so he could fly… but he's flying for me. He stayed on for me."

She leaned against the glass of her fish tank, a satisfied smile growing on her face. "You left. Your loss, Kaidan."

* * *

_A.N.: Holy moly, I didn't think I'd crank this chapter out tonight. Between the release of Dragon Age: Inquisition, a load of work to do, and some poorly-spent free time, I really just started writing this chapter tonight with no planning at all. The only mention of "Heat" is a blush. I admit, I did better with "Tea" than I did here. :( But there is something good! I just barely passed 20,000 words on this story! I'm so excited and glad that you guys have supported me through that and I really hope you'll continue to, even if I occasionally have bad days and give you all some sub-par work like this. I really appreciate everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story. And even those who don't do that at all and just read it whenever they can.  
Are you reading this note right now? Hi. I really appreciate you.  
A word of warning: It's relatively late where I live, so I didn't proofread this at all. I'm not very confident in the way the chapter flows, but hopefully next week, I'll have something interesting for you. If you see any spelling or grammatical errors, please point them out to me so I can remedy them.  
Fun Fact: If you want to know what a writing kick is like for me, be sure to stay up-to-date with my blog! A link to that is on my profile page.  
_

_-Gairi_


	36. Veneer

**Thirty-Six: Veneer**

The ground was too far away from the asari café on Illium. Looking down was like looking into an abyss of light and skycars. The building was one of Illium's tallest, with the café only two floors below the top, and Joker was beyond nervous.

He almost cheered when Mara wasn't recognized at the door. For the sake of her pride, she'd argued for twelve and a half minutes before the hostess received a message from Liara T'Soni stating that Mara had a reservation.

"Here's to having friends, huh?" Joker had quipped before taking the first sip of his inordinately expensive wine.

It was taking an unusually long time to get their dinner, but Joker didn't mind. He would glance around, look at Mara, try to keep his elbows off the table, then look at Mara again.

He wanted to tell her how good she looked. Her skin had color; her eyes had life. It was like she'd been behind a wall since she returned, and finally, that wall was breaking apart.

Earlier in the day, she'd cut her own hair – somehow managing to get it looking halfway decent – in a sort of asymmetrical bob. The last time he'd seen her, it was past her chin. Now, one side only reached the bottom of her earlobe and the other hugged her jawline.

With another gulp of wine for courage – courage Joker wouldn't have thought he needed two years ago – he _did_ tell her.

Her forehead creased and her eyes revealed disbelief. "What?"

"I said you look great, Mara."

She paused and frowned. "I'm only wearing eyeshadow and chapstick. I borrowed this dress from Kelly. I cut my hair by myself. How does any of this make me look great?"

"You look different, but it's a good different, y'know? You look like you're not as worried."

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "My feelings have been so inconsistent. One minute, I'm angry, the next, I'm almost crying. Later, I don't even care."

"We're all entitled to screwy moods. I have screwy moods. I had _three _spoons of sugar in my coffee this morning."

"I barely know how I'm feeling right _now_." Mara sighed. "I know I'm happy to be out like this, but—"

"You should be feeling like you won the lottery!" he interjected. "I don't take time out of my busy schedule for just anyone."

Mara responded, but said something entirely against what she'd planned. "I don't remember getting any tickets for the dating lottery."

Joker bit his lip. He noted her half-shocked, half-apologetic expression and leaned his elbows on the table despite glares from the waitresses. "If you told me I was going on a date, I might've even brushed my hair."

"Your unbrushed hair makes me feel comfortable."

"Tied my shoes?"

"You're not wearing any laces."

"Worn something other than a beat-up band shirt?"

"I'm sure the Darling Gargles have fans here."

Joker leaned back, satisfied with Mara's new smile. "Then I guess I'm just too likable."

* * *

_A.N.: I know I'm late with an upload and I didn't even say anything. I'm so sorry, guys! Pretty much the only excuses I have are no inspiration and too much Inquisition. So I'm uploading early as a treat and I hope this can fill in for last week as well. I really like the chapter, so I'm hoping you guys do too. Please let me know what you thought of it!  
This chapter was supposed to be something entirely different than it was. Originally, I described Mara's thought process as she cut her hair, because that was supposed to be pretty interesting, but I couldn't find a way to make it work with the rest of the chapter. Then, she was actually supposed to get into a fight with Joker, not... this. Blame them for it; I didn't make the decision. :)_


	37. Nightmare

**Thirty-Seven: Nightmare**

When Mara hit the ground, she saw stars.

Not in the cartoon sense – flickers and streaks of light cluttered her vision, and she faintly heard her own cry of pain. A pair of hands hoisted her up and she watched the world come back into focus.

That focus was immediately shattered by an ear-piercing scream the likes of which Mara had only heard from one creature: a thresher maw. Then she remembered exactly where she was, and she began to panic all over again.

When Grunt had urged her to hit the Keystone for the eighth time in a row, she punched it and glared at him. "Happy now?"

But it rang louder than it ever had before, and Tuchanka began to shake. Hard-packed dirt was spit up from the ground as the subterranean monster tunneled around Mara and her team. Garrus put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it; he could guess what was racing through her mind.

That same hand jerked her backwards when the thresher showed itself, but Mara's feet didn't follow. When the beast spat its venom, the only thing that saved her was the sheet of rusted metal… which then slammed squarely into her. She hit the stone floor, and everything became a blur.

As Garrus pulled her up, she tried to hasten the recovery of her senses. She crouched behind a low wall, barely able to avoid the thresher's venom, and forced herself to take deep breaths.

Deep breaths did very little when faced with an earthworm two stories tall.

"What do you want to do here?" Garrus shouted. "We can wait this out, if we have to!"

Mara's heart was in her throat. In a voice laced with panic, she yelled back, "We can't! I won't let this thing live any longer!"

Grunt reared his head and unleashed a battle cry that had already cowed many of their enemies. Just before Mara gave the command to stand and concentrate fire on the monster, she readied the laser she'd taken from a dead Collector on Horizon.

Garrus had taken a perch behind fallen sheets of metal, the barrel of his rifle poking out from above them. Grunt had borrowed Mara's assault rifle and was using it relentlessly, even going so far as to stand upon a toppled column and yell incoherent threats. Mara chose a position where she could easily duck behind a pillar, but she rarely needed to. With her laser boring into the thresher's eyes, its projectiles were wildly inaccurate.

Finally, Mara graduated from her impromptu exposure therapy. After a single, devastating scream, the thresher maw slumped over and crashed to the ground, and the stone trembled. The laser slipped from Mara's hands and her knees felt like they would buckle and slide out from under her, but she remained standing.

She released the battle's tension in a long, vocalized sigh, and pressed her lips briefly to her left ring finger. "There you go, Travis," she whispered. "That was for us."

* * *

_A.N.: It's was nice to give Mara a moment of pure heroism like this! I'll keep this note short, but I do want to mention that I wrote a Christmas oneshot! For those who didn't see it already, it's called "Do You Wanna Build A Spaceship?" and it stars Mara and Joker in an evening of quiet gift-swapping. Give it a read if you like, and be sure to let me know what you thought if you do! I posted it last Saturday instead of my weekly upload here, so you'll probably find it easiest by visiting my profile page._

_\- Gairi_


	38. Open

_*Note: This chapter is one hundred words more than the usual count, equalling six hundred words.*_

**Thirty-Eight: Open**

Mara's footsteps were uneven from exhaustion and aches. She half-stumbled to the bridge, a glass of water in one hand and a pill bottle in the other, and dropped into the copilot's chair. She leaned her head back and allowed a quiet moan of discomfort before collecting herself and rubbing her eyes.

Joker switched the Normandy on auto and spun his chair toward Mara. Neither of them said a word as she took two capsules and sank into her seat. Joker eyed the bottle questioningly, but she waved her hand and he shrugged.

"Take two pills to not die?"

Mara shook her head, but smiled nonetheless. "Take two pills to not have a mental breakdown," she corrected. "It's an anti-anxiety." She held up the bottle and squinted at the name before tossing it at Joker. "I can't even pronounce this. Give it a shot."

"Nee-oh-fo-lay-teen?" he read haltingly. "I've never heard of it."

Mara was about to explain a probable reason for that, but she stopped herself short. "Why would you know anything about anti-anxiety meds?"

He fussed with a loose thread on his sleeve and huffed, shifting as if he was trying to avoid the answer. "I, ah… saw a shrink for a week after you got spaced, Alliance-ordered. He just threw a whole bunch of meds at me and waited for his check."

Mara sighed. "Yeah, too many of them are like that." She stretched out her legs and rested them on the panel in front of her. "Doctor Chakwas gave me this back when I was first assigned to the Normandy. She had to make sure it wouldn't cause any sort of dependency."

Joker's fingers twitched at the last statement. "Addiction runs in your family?"

She tensed up. "Ah…" Rubbing the back of her neck, she decided it was time to talk. "I used to be addicted to some party drugs. Hallex, for the most part, but after that, it was, uh… it was whatever I could get."

He sat up straight in his chair and said in a hushed whisper, "No way."

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "I had to waitress in a strip club to pay for them."

Joker slid his hat up and rubbed his head. "I guess I can see why you didn't say anything before, but… damn, Mara."

"Travis, um… he got me through withdrawal and everything. He got me into the Alliance and, ah… he asked me to marry him later on."

"Wait. Le-lemme get this straight." Joker slouched forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "So… a guy has to get you off drugs to ask you out?"

Mara's shoulders slowly relaxed. "Are you… this doesn't bother you at all?"

"You're not on 'em now." He shrugged and leaned back. "I just wanna know what it takes to get you out for dinner again."

"I won't go out with just anybody, you know," Mara said. "They have to be at least reasonably attractive."

"What's that?" he cupped his hand behind his ear. "I couldn't hear you over my reasonable attractiveness."

Mara laughed and spun her chair. "So what do you want to do?"

"Well…" Joker grinned and rubbed his hands together. "I happen to know that Garrus wants to pay a visit to the Citadel, and there's a pretty good place in one of the Wards. I'm feelin' like a burger the size of my face, so I'll probably need somebody to help me finish my fries."

Mara smiled and stood up. "I might be persuaded to share your fries, Joker. Give me the heads-up when you're ready to go."

* * *

_A.N.: I want to thank the people who have reviewed this story on almost every chapter I write. They have supported me for such a long time now, and it's really wonderful. It spurs me onward to make this weekly upload and work harder on my writing. However, I only got one review on the last chapter. That's not really encouraging, especially when it was a chapter I really wanted feedback on. I don't write for reviews – I write because I love it. But I post my writing online because I want that feedback, and when I don't get it, it really has an effect on me. As a fellow reader of fanfiction, I completely understand it when you just don't have anything to say. But as a writer, I really need your thoughts. Criticism? I can take it. Even if it it's something as simple as "I really liked this part of the chapter," that helps me and builds up my confidence. If you're a guest reviewer, I can't thank you through a message, but I am still thanking you from the bottom of my heart. If you've been following this story and my notes, you know that I don't do this often. But please, please review this story if you're enjoying it. Sometimes, all it takes is a review to make my whole day._

_Love and thanks,_

_\- Gairi_


	39. Contagious

**Thirty-Nine: Contagious**

Lazy afternoons were hard to come by, but docking on the Citadel was such a dull process that even Joker left it to his relief pilot. Mara was taking the day for herself, preparing an overly-fancy lunch to remind herself that she could still cook. Joker decided to support her in the endeavor – or at least score lunch of his own – and they wasted the better part of an hour with teasing banter.

When the emergency alarm blared throughout the Normandy, the fun was over. Mara jumped a good foot in the air and switched off every appliance she was using. A few crew members leapt up as well to reach the nearest fire extinguishers before EDI's artificially placid voice droned through the intercom.

"Please remain calm. This is a routine test of the Normandy's emergency systems to ensure they are kept in good condition."

Order soon resumed, but the alarm sounded the same as the one from the SR-1. Along with the smell of smoke from Mara's barely-burnt ham, the unfriendly memory of a broken ship was making its home in her mind.

A glance in Joker's direction proved that he felt the same way, and his motionless frame and tightly shut eyes were unnerving. Mara sat on the table in front of him and waited a few moments before gently touching his arm. "Jeff?"

"If I open my eyes, what am I gonna see?"

Mara knew all too well what he was thinking. "Take a deep breath. It's loud in here, but focus on what I sound like. Do I sound like something's wrong?"

Hesitantly, Joker shook his head.

"Then you know I'm okay. If you open your eyes, you'll see me. You don't have to look at anything else."

His mouth twitched, as if he wanted to frown but thought better of it. He opened his eyes, keeping his sight focused solely on Mara, and she gave a warm smile. "Is it too loud?"

Joker shrugged. "A little. It'll be all good in a minute." He didn't sound sure of himself as he spoke, but he gave a weak smile to keep Mara from questioning it.

She didn't fall for it, but he didn't have to know that. "Either you're spending too much time with me," she began, "or you're not as tough as you think you are. And it can't _possibly_ be the second one."

He gave a strangled chuckle. "You don't still have those anxiety pills, do you?"

"If I did, I wouldn't give them to you." She sat up straighter. "You don't have panic attacks like I do. This was _one_ time, and look how quickly it was over."

"Panic attack." Joker rubbed his forehead. "I really am spending too much time with you, huh?"

"Maybe it's something in the water." She gave Joker's shoulder a light squeeze before standing up. "If you need anything, you know who to come to."

"Jack?"

Mara laughed and returned to her cooking. "Just eat your salad, Joker."

* * *

_A.N.: You guys really came through with your reviews from the last chapters. I know it was the holidays, so I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't get my usual count. But you more than made up for it, and I want to thank you for that. Another 20 reviews and I'll hit 200. Maybe I'll do another oneshot when I reach the milestone, or maybe I'll offer the 200th reviewer a chance to suggest a chapter/oneshot that they'd like to see. I'm taking ideas for what I should do when I hit the 200 mark, so let me know what you'd like to see!_


	40. Good Riddance

**Forty: Good Riddance**

"Garrus received some news that put fire in his eyes."

Kelly Chambers was not known for making understatements, but today was an exception. When Mara attempted to find Garrus, she noticed that his console was left unmanned and the air in the main battery was stale. Someone had been stewing in that room for too long.

When asked, EDI reported that Garrus had gone toward the airlock. Mara was running for the elevator before the AI stopped talking, and she found Garrus already in his armor and examining his weapons.

"What are you doing, Garrus?"

"I found Sidonis, Shepard. I have to do this."

Mara knew it wouldn't end well. When she'd encountered someone who could have _possibly_ had something to do with Akuze, she gunned him down. This was another scale entirely.

"Let me come with you, at least."

Garrus agreed. He followed Mara back through the Normandy and stayed with her while she prepared herself, explaining the entire situation in detail. By the time they stepped onto the Citadel, she was fully up to speed… and almost as angry as Garrus was.

He'd lost his team, and he thought he should have done more to save them. _Where have I heard that story before?_

The warehouse lead didn't turn out they way they'd hoped. A volus? No, the real "Fade" was even less able to do his own chores. When Garrus and Mara arrived in the warehouse district, they saw that for themselves. Garrus hated dirty cops almost as much as he hated Sidonis, and Harkin was now solidly on the top of his hit list.

Mara flinched every time Garrus shouted. His voice wasn't have been as loud as gunfire echoing off empty shipping containers, but decibels were nothing compared to an angry turian. Worse still, Mara was unavoidably reminded of her father. Despite the multitude of differences between Garrus Vakarian and Jeremy Shepard, it was still shocking to hear either of them yell. Mara's father was a joking, kind-hearted man, and while Garrus was much tougher, neither of them raised their voices often.

It took more than a loud voice to get past a pair of heavy mechs, but that was where Mara's omni-tool came in handy. Concentrated fire from Garrus gave her the cover she needed to overload the low-grade systems, and the mechs were disabled. A high-impact shot to each of the heads finished them off, and after a bit of crate-climbing, Garrus was more than ready to hit someone.

After a heated interrogation, a meeting was scheduled. Mara was to keep Sidonis talking until Garrus lined up his shot, but she had doubts. As she stood before the ill-fated turian, she could only do as Garrus told her while she tried to ignore her internal argument.

_Is he really going to feel better?_

"Just a few more seconds."

_He's already made his choice._

"I'm ready."

She shifted to the left. _I can't deny him this._

A bullet rushed past her ear.

_Good riddance._

* * *

_A.N.: This is chapter forty. WOW. I'm not actually sure how far I saw myself going with this, but when I wrote out "Forty" I was so surprised that I almost hugged my seltzer. (It was the closest thing around.) Honestly, thank YOU, readers, for staying with me this long and for being so wonderfully supportive. Every single one of your reviews, or every time I see that someone knew has followed me or even favorited this, I get so excited. My family is probably very sick of me cheering at my computer.  
The last chapter's reviews impacted me more than usual. In particular, there was a guest reviewer who said, "please, for the good of all of us... never stop writing." I'm fairly sure you're reading this, Guest Reviewer, and you (hopefully) know who you are. That impacted me so much, almost to the point of tears. I can't honestly tell you how much it meant to me. Thank you, whoever you are. Thank you so much.  
_


	41. Wait

**Forty-One: Wait**

"Can we talk?" Mara asked, tapping Garrus on the shoulder

He switched off his console and turned to face her. "Sure thing."

She'd thought he would be more reluctant – no doubt with an excuse of unfinished calibrations – and his willingness surprised her. She blinked, then said, "Somewhere quieter," and started off toward the starboard observation. She opened the shutter and took a moment to stare at her reflection in the glass before sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Is something wrong, Shepard?" Garrus asked, his face wrinkling with concern. "You look distracted."

"I keep thinking about yesterday." She leaned on the chair's arm, eyes darting around the room. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He sighed – though it was more of a low rumble in his throat – and crossed one leg over the other. "I did what I said I was going to. I followed through; I got my closure. Sidonis is dead, as he should be."

"Are you still blaming yourself?"

Several minutes passed. He didn't answer. "What did it feel like, after Akuze?"

Mara had been anticipating the question. "It felt like this. I can't describe it, and you're already feeling it anyway. I blamed myself, just like you are, until one day, I just… didn't."

"It went away, just like that?" He shook his head. "I don't know how you managed that."

"That's the thing," she replied. "I don't think I did. Maybe it was just time. Maybe my brain couldn't hold any more guilt."

There was another long silence, and Garrus leaned his head onto the back of the sofa. "But I could have _stayed_, Shepard."

"So could I. Look at Virmire. I could have saved Kaidan and Ashley, if I tried harder. If I didn't let either of them lead Kirrahe's team, they'd both be alive."

"But then we would have lost the salarians."

"Exactly. If you had stayed with your team, you could have died. I would've had to look for someone else. Best-case scenario, I find one. Worst-case? I leave with only Mordin. Then what?" She stood and faced the window, eyes flicking between her reflection and the stars outside. "Think of how many times you've helped me through a mission. Think of how many bullets you've stopped for me. Think about last week, when Grunt took his Rite. You stood by me. Maybe saved my life. None of that would have happened if you'd died on Omega."

His eyes widened and he sat forward. "I… never thought of it that way."

"Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect, Garrus?"

He shook his head tentatively.

"It was one of my father's favorite things to talk about. He said a butterfly could flap its wings on one side of a planet, and on the other side, a hurricane would form because of it."

He left his seat and stood beside Mara at the window. After a thoughtful pause, he said, "I'm not sure what a butterfly is."

She laughed. "I'll tell you later."

* * *

_A.N.: I'd like to apologize for leaving you guys without a chapter last week and not even putting up a notification about it. I was running on four hours of sleep, so I don't think I would have written anything coherent anyway. I also have some bad news: for the next two or possibly three weeks, I will not be able to write new chapters. However, I leave you with this one, which is hopefully as calming to read as it was to write. I'll be back to my normal schedule as soon as I can! As always, please let me know what you think in a review or PM, and don't hesitate to point out any mistakes you see so I can correct them._


	42. Intent

**Forty-Two: Intent**

Mara couldn't recall the last time she'd counted the minutes. She had been cracking the noisy bones in her knuckles for what felt like an eternity as she tried not to stare at her own reflection in the window of the restaurant across the street. Her stomach fluttered every time someone passed and she tried to sit up straighter, pursing her lips and half-closing her eyes in an attempt to look haughtier.

Someone had told her once that it would keep her from appearing too "clingy." She always felt that she was doing a miserable job at it, but she'd gotten engaged once, so she couldn't have been so terrible. Still, every time she did it, she mentally kicked herself and questioned who she was possibly trying to impress.

The artificial lighting of the Wards had long since dimmed to simulate evening. It glinted off her glossy red shoes and the metal clip she'd slid into her hair. A kind of quiet jazz, the sort a couple would dance to, was playing over the restaurant's sound system. It made her wish that Joker would hurry up and come back from his club-scouting.

A fond smile came to her lips when she remembered how nervous he'd been through the first half of dinner. He'd not been ready with a witty retort or a one-liner here and there, but instead merely listened to Mara talking about this and that, things that were surely of no interest. He listened, and ate, and as he'd promised, shared with her a fry or two. His own conversation was very minimal. But slowly, he'd warmed up, and she had him smiling and laughing with her soon after.

Between kissing his cheek before the Ilos mission, his warm and unexpected hug after the Citadel fight, and the tension she'd felt from him ever since their night on Illium, she had no idea how the night had gone so smoothly. It was welcome, of course, but… in her mind, she'd been calling it a date. Was it? If so, was what happened on Illium just… a night? Or was _that _a date and _this_ was just a night? Mara felt a vein in her temple pulse with irritation and she refused to keep speculating.

She returned her attention to her reflection, ever-so-slightly distorted with the way the light shone off the other restaurant's window. Now that she was alone and quiet, her mind wandered to her first date with Travis. He'd been so chatty and warm, but she wanted none of it. Half her night had been spent staring out the window in silence. It had been a smaller, yet noisier café in a less pleasant part of the Wards – that was where she was always the most comfortable. She hadn't dressed for the occasion, instead throwing on whatever she'd worn the night before and pulling her hair back.

And now here she was, halfway through a date that was _nothing_ like that one, waiting for a man who was the complete _opposite_ of her late fiancé. The idea was more enticing than she liked to admit.

_A.N.: This chapter is the first half of a double upload. The next chapter is a direct continuation of this one. Neither of these chapters have been trimmed to fit my word count, so hey, more for you guys!_


	43. Last Dance

**Forty-Three: Last Dance**

_Note: This chapter is the second half of a double upload, and it's also a direct continuation of the last chapter. Don't miss it!_

Joker would have run back to the restaurant if he didn't think he'd downright shatter his legs in the process. He quite understood that leaving Mara to wait was definitely _not_ one of his better ideas – especially after he realized he'd have to return empty-handed.

"_Sure_, Mara, I'll go check it out. What's that, Mara? No, of _course_ I remember that it takes me fifteen minutes just to get to the john and back. No problem, Mara, you just wait here for an _hour_." He groaned and shook his head. "Real smooth, Moreau."

He caught sight of her sitting on a bench outside the restaurant, and he grinned sheepishly. She gave him a reassuring smile, which almost made it worse.

_Of course she's gonna say it's fine. How does she always find a way to get _further_ out of my league?_

"How'd it go?"

He shrugged and sat down beside her. "There's only one club in this Ward."

"So why didn't you call me from there?"

"They looked kinda closed. There was a guard and everything."

"Oh."

Joker tried to ignore the feeling that he'd let Mara down, but it tugged at his voice and pressed at his tongue. "This is, ah… kinda lame for a date, isn't it?"

She seemed genuinely surprised – an uncommon expression for Commander Shepard. "It doesn't matter about the club, Jeff." She stood up, holding out her hand with a smile. "Come on, before this place closes too."

Joker's eyes flicked between her face and her hand. "I don't really _dance_. It's more like painfully slow shuffling."

"Smooth jazz is shuffle-able, right?"

He anxiously looked around. "We're kinda in the middle of the street."

"Then we'll go inside and have dessert afterwards," she suggested brightly. "I'll even buy it, since you bought me dinner."

The prospect was becoming more and more promising. He hesitantly took Mara's hand and she pulled him up, holding his hand for a moment before re-entering the restaurant.

The server who was currently in the dining room gave them a smile. "We close in 30 minutes," she said, "but you're free to stay until then."

Mara gave a short _"we won't be long"_ nod before looking at Joker expectantly. "Well?"

He swallowed and felt the tips of his ears getting hotter than an overworked engine. "Uh… you want me to lead?"

She glanced down at her two left feet and shrugged a bit. "Just… assume position, I guess."

He awkwardly stepped toward her and settled his free hand on her ribs, the other hand still holding hers. She returned in kind by resting her hand on his shoulder – though she didn't have to reach, considering that he was a few inches shorter than her – and gave him a little grin as if encouraging him to continue.

Slowly, they began to shuffle back and forth.

The few patrons who were in the restaurant turned and looked quizzically at them. After a few moments, another pair rose from their seats and started dancing as well. Mara and Joker looked at each other and she laughed quietly while his shoulders relaxed.

"How much do you wanna bet they were just waiting for someone else to start doing it?"

"They should have gotten up anyway," she said as if it were obvious. "Why have music if you're not going to dance to it?"

"That's deep." He hesitated a moment, lingering on one of his legs after hearing an annoying grind in his knee. "Would a broken leg here count as an on-the-job accident?"

"Only if you consider me the Commander at the moment." She glanced down at the knee in question. "You okay?"

He nodded and shrugged it off before resuming the slow, lazy dance. "How's this: You stay Mara tonight, and I'll see the Commander in the morning about some hazard pay. Sound good?"

She chuckled gently. "I have a better idea. I stay Mara, and you stay Jeff for the rest of the night. How does _that _sound?"

He paused thoughtfully, scrunching his face in several ways to elicit another laugh from her. "Maybe, but what do Maras and Jeffs _do_ without ranks and nicknames?"

Mara smiled mischievously, like a cat within swatting distance of a fragile cup. "We'll see."

* * *

_A.N.: This double upload started out as one chapter. Then I guess I went a little overboard and more than doubled my word count. So I made some adjustments and broke it into two sections. Coincidentally, it's still Valentine's Day in my time zone at the time of this writing, and I can't think of a better way to celebrate. These chapters also mark the passing of the 20,000 views milestone, the 25,000 word milestone, and the "Most Shipped of all Gairi's Fanfiction Ships" milestone. (Okay, so I made that last one up.) I'm also expecting to reach or pass the 200 reviews milestone with these chapters, and any effort you guys make (you too, guest reviewers! I love you guys!) to help me reach this milestone will be so very appreciated. Maybe I'm prematurely celebrating, but making this a double upload is also due in part to that review milestone._

_I want to say that, with all my heart, I love this pairing, I love this story, and I love my readers. This pairing makes me smile even when I'm upset, this story brings me so many emotions when I'm writing or rereading it, and you all make posting this story on this site so worthwhile._

_I should go before I get sappy. The love theme from ME3 is playing right now and too many feelings are happening._


	44. Scarred

**Forty-Four: Scarred**

Mara occasionally wondered if her mind would recover from her past. One look at Jack's face when they landed on Pragia, however, erased any doubts.

"I want to watch this place burn," Jack growled, stepping into the rain and pulling her pistol from its holster.

Garrus examined the building. Windows were cracked and broken, walls were dented and chipped, and a few dim lights were flickering madly.

"Maybe it's nicer on the inside," he muttered drily after making sure Jack was out of earshot.

Mara gave him a warning glance. "Don't."

He lowered his head in apology and gripped his rifle a little bit tighter.

The deeper they went into the facility, the more unnerved Jack appeared. It was a logical response, but Mara still worried for her teammate. When they found a recently-killed varren, it was the last straw. Jack bolted down the hallways, sending a biotic "hello" to anyone who got in her way. Mara and Garrus had no choice but to chase her, and when Jack arrived at the door to the last cell in the facility – _her_ cell – she stopped abruptly and let her biotics fade.

"Who… the fuck… are you?" she demanded, aiming her pistol at the sunken, haunted face of the man before her.

"Didn't we hear those mercenaries talking about someone named Aresh?" Garrus said, looking at Mara for confirmation.

She nodded. The man, supposedly Aresh, spoke to Jack for a few minutes before he uttered his own death sentence: "I'm restarting the Teltin facility."

Jack was floored. "I wanted a hole in the ground! This whackjob wants to justify what happened by _using it_?"

"Everything we went through must have been worth _something_!"

"Jack," Mara started cautiously, "what do you want to do here?"

"That's easy," she replied, sending a biotic punch to the solar plexus that left Aresh sprawled on the cracked tile.

"You can kill him, or you can let him try to leave before we blow it." Mara settled her weapon back in its holster to finalize her point. "This is all up to you."

"I… ah, shit." Jack lowered her gun and looked at Mara. "Is this right? Will killing him fix my head?"

Mara frowned at how vulnerable Jack seemed. Were it anyone else, Mara would have offered a hug or an inspirational talk. But Jack was beyond accepting those sorts of things. Instead, Mara remembered when she'd been in a position eerily similar to this one. "No," she said finally. "It won't fix anything."

Jack waited a few moments, eyes darting between Mara and Aresh, before dropping her gun. Her fingers twitched and she made a small cry of frustration. "Fuck!" she groaned before waving him away. "Get out of here. Go!"

"Don't let this control you, Jack," Mara said, reaching to put a hand on her shoulder. She quickly redirected before Jack shrugged her off, planting her hand on the wall instead. "Now, are you ready?"

She nodded slowly. "Let's send this place to hell."

* * *

_A.N.: I didn't proofread this chapter very well, so if any mistakes jump out at you, just let me know and I'll fix them right up. Enjoy!_


	45. Steady

**Forty-Five: Steady**

A breath, a blink, a heartbeat. Then one gunshot, straight to the stomach. Every movement seemed like a mere tracing of something he'd practiced a hundred times.

Grunt scowled as he remembered the assassin, his strong jaw grinding back and forth. "Shepard," he rumbled when the door to the cargo hold slid open. He knew it was her before he saw her figure; nobody else was brave enough – or cared enough – to visit.

"How're you doing, Grunt?" she asked, sitting down on an overturned crate and folding her legs underneath herself.

A low note rolled in his throat. "I'm… confused."

"You feel like talking?"

He shifted his shoulders and sat on the floor, mirroring her position. "The assassin who breathes wrong – I don't understand why he's here." He paused thoughtfully, half-waiting for Mara to explain. When she remained silent, he continued. "He climbed through vents and little holes in the wall. He just killed people in his way, but we cleared the building in the same amount of time. Why wouldn't he do what we did?"

Mara rubbed her wrist absentmindedly. "It took you, me, _and_ Garrus to clear that building. Thane specializes in quick, quiet kills. Okeer didn't need to teach you how to crawl through ducts and use sniper rifles because you were already specialized in more upfront combat."

"But Garrus is trained for both."

She gathered her thoughts for a moment before replying. "Humans have a saying. 'Jack of all trades, master of none.' Have you ever heard it before?"

"Jack… the angry human. Is it about her?"

Mara shook her head. "No. It means someone knows many different things, but doesn't specialize in one thing in particular. Garrus was trained for heavy fire _and _stealth, but that doesn't mean he's a specialist in either of those fields."

"You say he's invaluable."

"He is. So are you. You're more focused on getting up close to our enemies than Garrus is, but that's because you're more specialized. Garrus is good, but not as _specialized_ as you are. Does that make more sense?"

Grunt pondered for several moments, his brilliant blue eyes slowly pivoting from one side of the room to the other. "Not better, but… more focused? Steadier. I think I understand."

Mara gave a smile, bright with pride. "Thane is like you, in a way. He's more specialized than Garrus, but not more skilled. He'll be helpful when I need someone for sniper support."

Grunt nodded solemnly. "What are _you_?"

She hesitated before answering. "I stick with pistols, but N7 training covered everything. I can use most weapons. But, like you and Thane, I chose to specialize. You've seen me use my omni-tool – that's my specialization."

Grunt stood. "The tank only taught me so much. I want to learn from _you_, battlemaster. Will you come more often?"

Mara felt her stomach tighten. She knew she was looked up to, but Grunt always had a way of humbling her. "Of course. All you have to do is ask."

* * *

_A.N.: Early update, since I'll be busy all day tomorrow. I do feel like I should point something out, though. I've never personally played any of the Mass Effect DLCs, so Kasumi and Zaeed will not be making an appearance. One of my reviewers said it can get a little tricky to remember who Mara has and has not recruited because I don't give many of the other characters a spotlight. Currently in her crew is Jacob, Miranda, Garrus, Mordin, Jack, Grunt, and Thane, and the next few chapters will be focusing on loyalty and recruitment missions. As always, I thoroughly appreciate my wonderful readers, and please let me know if you see any mistakes in the chapter so I can fix them ASAP. Enjoy!_


	46. Burn

**Forty-Six: Burn**

After walking only a few feet on Haestrom, Mara realized it would be the most physically uncomfortable mission she'd ever endured. The sun made her small patches of exposed skin feel like they were on fire. EDI offered what Mara already knew – direct exposure to the sun would wreak havoc on her shields. She glanced at a strip of sunlight on the ground and watched an insect get fried in seconds, unwittingly recalling the way boys tried to roast the ant-like bugs on Mindoir by holding glass above them.

_I'm here for Tali,_ she reminded herself. _This is all going to be worth it._

Further in, they saw a dead quarian and realized the sun wouldn't be their only problem. When they encountered geth, Mara's worries only increased. Dead quarians and live geth weren't good signs when Tali's location was still unknown.

Finally, contact with living quarians was made… and to say it sounded bad would be an understatement. Geth swarmed the group as the strained voice of a quarian soldier filtered through their comms. He gave them directions through courtyard after courtyard, each one filled with geth and sporting fewer and fewer places to avoid the sun.

When Mara's team finally reached the quarian who'd been helping them, it was like discovering that a rapidly sinking ship had also caught fire. A massive, lumbering colossus – more than living up to its name – was standing directly in front of the room Tali had sealed herself in.

One look at the graceless monstrosity standing between her and a close friend was enough to send Mara into overdrive. She reached for the stock of her newest toy – an upgraded version of a Collector particle beam – and gave her teammates directions consisting only of "cover me." Jack was more than willing. With a swing of her arm, a wide swath of geth had been flattened. Garrus took up his sniper as Mara bolted for the colossus, picking off synthetics before they could reach her.

A single thought enveloped her mind as she took a running leap toward one of the legs: _Tali won't be another Archangel._

Mara collided with the metal limb of the colossus and locked her free arm around it, the other still priming the particle beam. She inched up the leg as best she could, but the colossus began to shift erratically. She clung to it, pain shooting through her entire frame with every mechanical spasm, and raised the particle beam as it hummed loudly with its built-up charge.

She pulled the trigger. The beam sliced through the underbelly of the colossus, metal liquefying like a snowflake landing on a finger. It twitched and shuddered before sparking madly and Mara barely pried herself off the leg before it collapsed completely.

The remaining geth were shattered in moments. The door slid open and Tali stepped out, surveying the carnage. Despite her own weariness, Mara hugged her tightly. Her muscles screamed and her skin was burning, but through it all…

…she smiled.


	47. Protocol

**Forty-Seven: Protocol**

"So, wait." Mara held up a hand, still trying to understand her new crew member's logic. "You really would have killed the detective after spending one day in custody?"

"I would have attempted to dissuade her from holding me by force," Justicar Samara replied coolly. "But yes, had she persisted, the Justicar Code bids me to remove any obstacles that stand between me and my target. Thankfully, you interceded and assisted. Your help was welcome, I'm sure to the detective as much as to me."

Mara waited a moment before slowly nodding. The civilized language was a refreshing change, but it took a while to adjust to. "But now that you're working with me, you don't need to chase your target anymore?"

Samara looked down, restraining a scowl. "Your cause is my cause, so I put my target aside for the sake of the galaxy's safety. But should I hear any news of her, I will not hesitate to bring it to your attention."

"And I'll do everything I can to help you. She must be pretty dangerous if you're chasing her."

"She is. More so, perhaps, than any enemy I have fought."

"Then if you hear anything, I'm sure we can detour. It sounds like she'd be worth the attention."

That was how it ended. Samara said a simple "Thank you" and resumed her meditation, her very skin glowing blue with biotic power. Mara's hair stood on end from the charge in the room, even a few minutes after the door shut behind her.

She was conflicted about the asari. She felt the need to glance over her shoulder every so often to make sure Samara wasn't staring at her with disapproval. From the soft voice to the ever-calm demeanor, too many aspects of Samara's personality reminded Mara of her mother, evoking feelings that were warm and comforting, but also lonely and sad. She felt a familiar twitch in her arm as her fingers retraced the twisting of a bottle cap – thoughts of her childhood always brought a craving with them.

Another memory of her mother ghosted across Mara's mind and she turned back. She opened the door again and Samara landed gently on the floor, her legs still crossed as if she hadn't moved an inch. "Did you need something else, Commander Shepard?"

"Can you teach me how to meditate like that?"

She opened her eyes. "Are you feeling troubled?"

Mara nodded after a few moments.

"Then please, sit down. I would appreciate the opportunity to help you."

She sat, mirroring Samara, and sighed deeply. "If you don't find your target, what happens? Do they not let you be a Justicar anymore?"

Samara gave a quiet laugh. "Do you believe they will stop letting you be a commander if you fail this mission?"

Mara thought about this for a moment. "Well, they'll have bigger problems than me. And I'll probably be dead."

"We are not so different, Commander," Samara said, closing her eyes again. "Now, follow my motions…"


	48. Monster

**Forty-Eight: Monster**

_Note: This chapter is 100 words more than the usual length, equaling 600 words exactly._

Mara tugged the hem of her dress. It wouldn't reach her knees and the neckline left little to the imagination. "This is why I shouldn't borrow clothes from Miranda," she muttered as she shuffled uncomfortably through the noisy Omega nightclub.

When she'd told Samara to alert her of any developments in her Justicar quest, she wasn't expecting a lead the next day. More information clicked into place as the day went on; Samara's target – who she'd neglected to mention was her _daughter_, Morinth – might be on Omega.

How this led to Mara in a low-cut, skin-tight dress in a VIP club was a series of events she wished could be lost to the ages. Following a heart-wrenching conversation with the grieving mother of Morinth's last victim, Mara, Garrus, and Samara listened to the poor girl's diary to find more information about Morinth.

A few minutes in, the girl's pre-recorded voice said something that put Mara's stomach in a knot: _Hallex_.

She couldn't panic, not now. She had to finish the diary to find out what else Morinth liked, what would get her attention. But now… now, there was more at stake. She was confident she could escape with her life, but what about her sobriety? Her _sanity_?

So there she was, walking through a dim, crowded club, interacting with patrons and trying to be noticed. Here, nobody knew her name. If they did, they didn't care. She wasn't Commander Shepard here. She had no status, power, or respect. She was just a girl in a revealing dress who looked out of place enough to spot her from across the room.

And that was exactly what Morinth did.

Enough small talk about things she liked – some elcor artist, an old asari vid, a sensory band, and that damned drug – had Morinth firmly hooked. Mara's confidence was slowly slipping the more she talked to the Ardat-Yakshi. She exuded raw strength, both physically and mentally. Samara mentioned how powerful Morinth was, but Mara wasn't even remotely prepared.

In Morinth's apartment, things became even worse. There, on a small table, sat a purple-tinted bottle of Hallex. Mara's fingers twitched, twisting an invisible lid, and it was taking a great deal of willpower to avoid reaching for it.

"Wouldn't you rather have all your senses sharp right now?" Morinth purred from the sofa. "I know I would." She patted the faux leather beside her and Mara obediently sat down. It only registered a few seconds later just how uncomfortably close Morinth was.

"Look into my eyes," she whispered, "and tell me you want me."

Mara's ears were ringing loudly, drowning out everything but the asari's silky, stunning voice. A flush rose in Mara's cheeks, spreading to the tips of her ears. A murmur in the back of her mind cried "no." Slowly, that too was muted.

"I want you," she breathed.

Morinth smiled, sending butterflies raging through Mara's stomach. "Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."

Her vision started to fade out in the corners, removing the rest of the room. All that existed was her and Morinth. This is how it was meant to happen. "Anything you want."

The feeling of warmth and comfort was ripped away, leaving Mara breathless. The darkness in the corners of her vision consumed the rest of the room and the ringing in her ears intensified. She was gently hoisted up and held sturdily by a heavily-armored figure. Whoever it was tried to talk to her, but she was too numb to move.

But perhaps, most concerning of all – her fingers were curled around a purple-tinted bottle.

* * *

_A.N.: I'm so sorry I left you guys without a chapter of Stars last week! It was one of those "no inspiration" days that I hate so much and I just decided to say "whatever" and leave it alone. I am actually glad that I did, though - I'm really proud of this chapter. The next one will be a direct continuation of this scene, due to the cliffhanger-y nature of the ending. I'm excited to work on it! As always, if I have any mistakes in this chapter, please point them out so I can correct them. :)_

_In other exciting news, I started a Tumblr account which will ultimately replace my old blog. My username is "magic-pajamas" (without the quotations, of course) and I would really love it if some of you paid me a visit over there. I'm warming up to the Tumblr layout and I plan on posting stuff about Dragon Age and Mass Effect as well as my other fandoms that I haven't mentioned on FFN. I'll also be posting stuff about my original work. So far, I've already posted a short suspense/thriller type story called "Apple Maps" and if anyone here is interested, just drop by my Tumblr and if you have an account, I'll be more than happy to follow back._


	49. Hasty

**Forty-Nine: Hasty**

Mara sat in the copilot's seat, staring at the stars as if nothing else existed. Her gaze was focused, yet blank; her posture was slouched, yet her muscles were tensed.

Joker chewed the inside of his cheek and his brow furrowed. He'd been studying her since Doctor Chakwas assisted her to the seat and asked him to try speaking to her. He waved his hand in Mara's peripheral vision to get her attention and she blinked a few times before looking over, her movements twitchy and rapid. "What? I'm fine. Everything is fine."

A few moments of tense silence rose before she looked to him again, with wide, worried eyes. "I don't remember what I did. Is Samara okay?"

"Yeah. She's okay." He paused, wondering how much the others had already told her and how much she simply forgot. "You… you did great."

"Oh." She lowered her arms into her lap, her muscles beginning to relax. Whenever she heard a sound, she would still whip her head toward it as if it was sneaking up on her and her movements were still rushed, but at least she seemed to be calming down a bit.

He switched the Normandy onto autopilot and tossed a few questions around in his mind before rejecting them. He didn't know this Mara. Part of him was worried – maybe even _afraid_ – that this was the girl she hid behind a wall of bravery and toughness. He cleared his throat, his tongue feeling thick and numb. "Can I come over there for a sec?"

She nodded, a smile flickering across her lips. "Yes."

He stood up with a short exhale and shuffled toward her cautiously. She seemed less jumpy, but it wasn't clear whether she was feeling like herself again yet.

Slowly, he reached for the bottle in her hands. She made no movement, keeping her eyes locked on his while he slipped the purple plastic from her fingers.

She leaned up, arching her back, and pressed her lips to his in a peck that he instantly pulled away from with a hum of surprise. She blinked once before she clapped her hands over her mouth and gasped, "I am so sorry."

He began to stammer, but she scrambled out of her chair and interrupted him before he could form a full word. "No, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry, I… I don't know what I'm thinking."

"It's—"

"I-I shouldn't be around… people. Anyone. I'm just going to…" she trailed off, backing down the corridor for a few paces before turning around and walking toward the elevator at the end of the CIC, her head down and her pace frantic.

Joker slid his cap off and raked his hand through his hair. He'd barely even registered that the pill bottle was still in his hands – the kiss wasn't just a ploy by an addict to recover their drug. She clearly wasn't herself… but he couldn't tell if that made it more sincere or not.


	50. Morgue

**Fifty: Morgue**

The room felt oppressively small despite its openness. The air was thick with the smell of chemicals and blood, though it was not the coppery, sticky smell Mara was accustomed to. Alien blood was always foreign to her, no matter how many times she encountered it. Krogan blood, that sickly-looking orange color, was pooled and splattered across a row of metal gurneys, accompanied by a small number of recently deceased krogan females.

She'd never seen a krogan woman before. They weren't unlike the men of the race, with bulky frames and hard, dense skin. But there was something in their eyes, glazed over though they were, that seemed softer, more logical, and easier to connect with. Mara felt an ache as she looked at the corpses, feeling her heart sink as she realized the reason behind their deaths. All they wanted was a child, or at least for one of their fellow women to have a child, and this was what they received for their determination.

It made Mordin's choice even easier.

The smears of blood – salarian green, this time – on the glass tank were cast out of focus by the static of the holographic screen as it flickered on. He began to murmur to himself, as he always did when his mind was abuzz.

"Mordin," Mara whispered, resting her hand gently on his shoulder. "Breathe."

He straightened himself up and turned to face her, blinking profusely. "Short on time. Death of clan leader surely noticed; retaliation likely. Should leave quickly."

"We will," she assured. "But do you want to take a moment first? It's clear that Maelon was a friend at one point."

Mordin paused, one of the fleeting occasions he wasn't fussing with an experiment or rambling about his next one. The moment passed after barely a second of silence, and he shook his head rapidly. "Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. What to do with this data?"

Mara held up her hands. "I can't tell you what its value is, Mordin."

"Unethical. _Unforgivable_. Maelon sworn to use science for good of _all_ life. Instead…" he took a deep breath, casting a dejected glance down at Maelon's corpse, "betrayed his oath. Betrayed our purpose."

"But you killed him to avenge that."

"Yes, yes, and data is left. Could mean everything, could mean nothing. Can't tell."

Mara furrowed her brow and folded her arms. "You can't tell?"

He shook his head again. "Too soon to say. Your call, Commander. Keep data?"

She didn't like all this responsibility, especially since she'd been feeling quite a bit of guilt lately. "Mordin…" she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Why don't you keep it for now and examine it on the ship? If it's useless, you can delete it then."

He peered at her for a time as he processed the idea. "Logic, compromise. Excellent reasoning. Well done. Will take your advice." He inhaled deeply, hesitating a moment before giving her a warm, sincere smile. "Thank you, Commander. Will be here if you need anything later."

* * *

_A.N.: Chapter fifty! What the what?! I never expected to get **halfway** through my prompt list. I'm probably going to have to add some more prompts to be able to write until the end of Mass Effect 3! This chapter feels a little filler-y to me, but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless! Please do offer me feedback. Reviews always make me smile and although I can be slow to reply, I **do** reply! If you don't want me to reply, that's fine too. Just please give me feedback! It helps me write better stories.  
In addition, I'd like to remind my readers that I do have oneshots posted with Mara and Joker. All of these can be found on my profile page. If any of you haven't read those, I encourage you to do so. They're some of my favorite scenes between these characters, especially "We Need This."_


	51. Grave

**Fifty-One: Grave**

Mara wasn't one for shouting, especially not at those who were well-respected. The Council was the exception; they were closing their eyes to a matter of galactic security. But this had very little to do with galactic security.

This had to do with Tali. And that was something Mara would _never_ take lightly.

An hour earlier, the young quarian had been sobbing in Mara's arms, mourning over the broken body of her father. Tali had no time to properly grieve for her father. They needed to continue through the ship, destroy the geth still roaming its halls. But why? Did it matter now that they knew her father was dead? The question was all too familiar.

Familiar memories swarmed Mara's mind like the geth swarmed the Alarei. Her father had been crushed under the roof of their house. He'd only just managed to usher his daughter, barely sixteen, out of the house before the supports failed. She could only see his hand, outstretched as if beckoning for her, before it fell still and became lost in the rubble.

It would be unfair to say Mara was hurting as much as Tali. She didn't want to believe she could be. And yet, as her fingers twitched, searching for a pill bottle and clenching when they found none, she feared that she might be. So she took it upon herself, once Tali's breathing had steadied, to channel that anguish into angry determination.

Tali made it very clear: revealing her father's true intentions was _not_ an option. To her, exile was preferable. So when the time came to return to the Admiralty Board, Mara held no reservations. Her translator was abuzz, chugging loudly as it worked to decipher dozens of stunned murmurs in the quarian language.

"Do you really think Tali'Zorah sent the geth?"

"She couldn't have sent _that_ many working parts."

"Where is Rael'Zorah?"

"What will the Admirals say?"

"What about the human?"

Mara glanced around at the field of suited aliens flooding the room. Their respirators hissed softly, creating a static-like buzz in the atmosphere. The ship creaked and groaned, held together by quarian architecture – which was little more than hope and good luck – but the anxious hum of the crowd was overpowering even the metallic scraping.

Then Mara overpowered it all. The Admiralty Board wanted to bicker over unrelated matters? It was their argument, and it had no place in Tali's trial. Mara said this loud and clear. They were cowed – it showed in the way they hesitantly typed out their verdicts.

"Tali is found innocent of all charges. She has done no wrong."

Through her mask, her bright eyes softened with an expression of gratitude. She reached for Mara's hand and grasped it tightly with a faint _clack_ of their armor colliding.

"It's been a long time since anyone shouted at the Admiralty Board," she whispered with the snickers of an awe-filled youth.

Mara squeezed her hand. "Maybe they need to be shouted at every once in a while."


	52. Machine

**Fifty-Two: Machine**

From the beginning, Joker knew it was a bad idea. How a single turian ship managed to disable a Collector vessel was already questionable, but when Mara stepped inside and found it silent, it became even dodgier.

"What, did they all decide to jump out into space before we came?" Joker quipped.

Mara didn't seem amused. Judging by the movement of her helmet's built-in camera, she was shaking her head.

EDI revealed that Mara was gallivanting through the same ship she'd fired at on Horizon. That didn't help Joker's tension any; he was beginning to regret dismissing Mara when she asked if he wanted some of her anti-anxiety medication.

Joker switched on another screen, connecting this one with the feed from the camera on Garrus's helmet. Something about the connection between Horizon and this ship was bothering him, but he attempted to bury it. Mara didn't need any interruptions.

EDI was analyzing data Mara had found beside a dead Collector on a gurney, but Joker wasn't paying attention. The artificial voice trailed off in a dull, mechanical hum. He glanced out the window at the exterior of the Collector vessel and its bark-like appearance triggered a sharp memory.

_"__It's not the geth…" _

"Shit," Joker whispered. He reached for his console and pulled up EDI's scans of the ship's EM signature. After staring at it for a moment, he turned to the AI and said, "Time to be useful. You got any data from my old girl?"

"Any salvageable information from the Normandy SR-1 has been logged into my databanks. What would you like to access, Mr. Moreau?"

"Run this EM signature against it."

EDI's display blinked as the data was processed, and a mere second later, the results were displayed on a new screen.

"Those sons of bitches." He switched his comm back on. "Mara, you gotta hear this."

"Go ahead."

"On a hunch, I asked EDI to run another analysis on this thing. The EM profile matches data they got off the old Normandy. It's the same ship."

Mara was bitterly silent for far too long. Eventually, she managed, "I'm standing in the ship that killed me."

"Yeah," he replied in barely more than a whisper. "I don't like this, Mars. Watch your back."

"Holy… fuck." Jack hissed. When Joker drew his attention back to the camera, he found himself seconding the sentiment.

There was no way to tell how big the room was, but one thing was sure: far too many people could fit inside the pods that lined the walls.

"They're going to target Earth," Garrus deduced.

"Not if we stop them."

Joker was about to point out how unconvinced Mara sounded, but she found the databank terminal before he could open his mouth. Mere seconds after EDI had begun the data-mine, an alert sounded in the bridge.

EDI's holographic display went dark. It flickered back on, a violent red, with the ugly visage of a very angry Collector.

Joker swallowed hard. "Oh, that can't be good."

* * *

_A.N.: This chapter is dedicated to my best friend for no particular reason... other than the fact that it's her BIRTHDAY! We go together like Joker and the Normandy. :)_

_This is going to be a two-parter! The next chapter is a direct continuation of this one. I hope you're all excited to see how it turns out! This mission was covered in-game and it does progress pretty much the same way, but I hope the POV switch (we're following Joker in these two chapters) will keep it from being too bland._

_As always, please point out any mistakes you see so I can fix them, and reviews are greatly appreciated! I love you guys!_


	53. Maze

**Fifty-Three: Maze**

Once Joker reestablished a connection to Mara's camera, he wasn't expecting motion sickness to set in only a few moments after her surroundings came into focus. She was in the process of helping Jack to her feet while Garrus braced himself against the databank terminal, fighting against the unsteady movement of the platform as it swung about in the middle of the cavernous chamber. Mara looked up in time to see an identical platform hovering mere feet from the one she stood on and carrying several angry-looking Collectors.

Before his brain even caught up, Joker's hands already started working on the Collector security, attempting to break through their firewalls and find some way to take control of one of their systems. Instead, he found the exact opposite.

"Uh, Mara, you're gonna have to move a little faster."

She huffed angrily in response. "Oh, I'll get right on that, Jeff."

"No, I'm serious! The ship's weapons are powering up," he insisted, panic rising in his throat. "I'm _not_ gonna lose—"

"You won't," she interjected.

Secretly, Joker was glad she interrupted him. Otherwise, the word "you" might have slipped out instead of "another Normandy." He felt a hot, suffocating feeling in his chest and took a long gulp of his now-cold coffee. It did little to calm the sensation, since all it did was remind him of the way Mara made coffee – and by extension, what it had been like to think she could never make him coffee again.

Joker forced himself to turn Mara's camera feed off and rely on the comms. He didn't want to look away from the screen, but he was making himself sick by watching her wade through waves of shambling husks and Collector drones as she frantically tried to reach an exit. He wanted to attribute it to the sudden movements of the camera, but the knot of anxiety that had taken hold of his stomach wasn't just a product of motion-induced nausea.

After what sounded like a particularly thick cluster of husks, Mara hurriedly announced that she was on the shuttle. Joker only had to wait a few more seconds for it to land in the Normandy's hangar, and he was already priming the drive core for a rapid escape.

"Now!" Mara shouted as Joker's screens indicated the closure of the bay doors.

"EDI," he began, "get us out of here!"

"Please specify a destination, Mr. Moreau," EDI requested evenly. Apparently, AIs didn't come equipped with panic modes.

"Anywhere that's _not_ here!" he snapped, his heartbeat reaching a violent _thump-thud _in his ears.

The Normandy powered up without much help from him, and for once he would accept EDI's control over his ship. Bluish-purple streaks of light began to shimmer outside the windows and he sank back into his chair as the barely-tangible feeling of acceleration tugged gently at his stomach. He closed his eyes, but not before he smiled with relief at the familiar sound of ceramic-plated combat boots marching down the bridge.

* * *

_A.N.: To all the new readers, followers, and reviewers: Hello, friends! It's awesome to see even more people getting into this story! I've started to lose a bit of faith in the first handful of chapters; it's clear that my writing has adapted and improved since I first started writing this over a year ago, so I'm growing ever more surprised that so many people are finding and enjoying this story from the very beginning! I don't see the earlier chapters as bad, but they're definitely a lower quality than what I can produce now. But that's just a sign of progress, and as I'm fond of reminding you all, I don't think I would've come this far with Shooting Stars without your support. It makes me smile every time I see a review, follow, or favorite, and I love being able to interact with you all through this site and now, Tumblr. I'd like to hug every single one of you!_


	54. Nowhere

**Fifty-Four: Nowhere**

"Where are we headed?" Mara asked with a half-hearted sigh as she wilted into the copilot's chair.

"No idea."

She waited a moment as he stared blankly down at his console. "That's it? You have 'no idea' where we are?"

He gave no response and she scowled. She flipped open her omni-tool and tapped out "_You awake in there?"_

His own device blipped and he slid it open before shooting Mara a glare. "What?"

"Why do you look so angry?" she asked, her brows knitting together. "If you want me to leave you alone, just say so."

"I just…" He huffed bitterly and shook his head. "It was too close, Mara. We can't keep doin' this stuff."

"What, waltzing into traps? No, I guess that's not the greatest plan."

Joker was quiet for a moment, glowering down at his calloused fingers and running his thumb across his knuckles absently. "EDI's flying," he muttered finally. "I don't know where she's taking us."

Mara decided against bringing up his usage of new pronouns for the AI. "It doesn't matter like this. It might as well be a black hole." She paused, gathering her thoughts and mustering her courage. "I'm sorry if I scared you today, Jeff."

This caught his attention. His ears flushed and he felt the warmth beginning to creep down his cheekbones. "What?"

"You sounded upset over the comm. Maybe the headset cams were a bad idea."

"No, no, they're great. I, uh… it was just makin' me a little sick on those platforms."

She stood up and gently stretched her back. "I should get out of this armor. I guess we'll talk later, then."

He stopped her before she walked away and rose to meet her height. "Mara, wait. I don't wanna do it like this."

"Do what like what?"

He lifted his cap and scratched his head nervously. "We're all… awkward and different and I don't like it, so I don't wanna do _this_—" here, he motioned impatiently between the two of them— "like _this_. Get it?"

She most certainly did not get it. "I don't understand. What do you mean by '_this_'?"

She mimicked his gesture, but he grabbed her hands before she could complete it. "You kissed me, Mars. We can't really turn around now."

Her tongue felt thick and useless. She stared dumbly at her pale fingers clenched in his. "Then…" she began, lowly and slowly, "can we go forward?"

"How far?"

"How far do you want?"

He gave her a hesitant, yet knowing smirk. Without saying a word and without taking his hands away from hers, he kissed her with nervously nibbled lips. She returned it gratefully and gave him a small grin when they parted.

His face was flushed, a sight she'd never admit how much she enjoyed. She felt a twirling sensation in her stomach that left her feeling small and self-conscious. It was familiar, but she didn't need that to mean anything.

Right now, all she needed was another kiss.


	55. Garden

It was hard to believe such a pretty planet was so deadly. Mara was reminded of Virmire, which wasn't the most pleasant of memories, but thoughts lingered on the sandy, tropical environment rather than the mission.

In truth, her thoughts lingered more on anything _but_ the mission. She was unfocused and grateful that Jacob was taking charge – after all, it was his father they were here to find. Distraction was always dangerous, and she had a new dent in her hardsuit to show for it. She refused to learn her lesson; every time her mind wandered, her chest tightened and her heartbeat quickened, despite the risk of crazed crewmembers firing at her team.

She felt silly and girlish. Commander Shepard, on a quest to save the galaxy from a looming threat, had no right to sacrifice her watchfulness for a kiss or two. But the fluttering in her stomach disagreed, and she felt inclined to side with it. Maybe she was walking a dangerous line, but didn't she deserve it? She was at war with herself and she disliked it immensely. One minute, her cheeks were flushing and she was blaming it on the warm sun. The next, she was scowling and scolding herself for not being careful enough.

This wasn't right.

Miranda, present because she'd vowed to be of more assistance to Mara after her rapid response to Oriana Lawson's endangerment a few days prior, prodded Mara with her elbow. "Shepard. Look."

Mara blinked and refocused her attention on her surroundings. Her gaze immediately found a tall idol, constructed from pieces of the crashed _Hugo Gernsback_ and held together with vines and safety cords.

"What _is_ this? It's almost like some kind of…" Jacob trailed off, unwilling to finish his sentence. He shook his head and growled angrily. "Something is very wrong."

There was a ring of vibrantly-colored flowers around the idol, with blue and pink and yellow petals forming shapes Mara had never seen before.

_I could pick one and bring it back._

She scoffed inwardly. _Am I kidding? I can't carry a flower and shoot at the same time. This is ridiculous._

_Aww,_ she chided at her negativity, _but wouldn't it be nice? I deserve it._

"Commander, should we move out?" Jacob asked with a frown. "I really need to find my father."

Apparently, she'd missed an entire confrontation between Jacob and a girl who'd been afraid of his face. She mentally kicked herself and looked away from the flowers. "Sorry. Let's go."

They found the "Acting Captain" and left him with a half-charged pistol and a group of angry crewmen. Mara was still daydreaming. They called an Alliance ship to help the stranded women. Mara barely noticed.

Jacob and Miranda had gone ahead, talking quietly about the ordeal. Mara was left by the idol again, and she glanced down at the ring of multicolored flowers. Chewing her lip, she pinched the stem of one and tugged, breaking it away from its roots.

_I _do_ deserve it._

* * *

_A.N.: I'm a little conflicted about this chapter. I like it, but I'm not sure if you guys will. Also, I'm sorry about the late-ish update! As always, if you see anything wrong with the chapter, please let me know so I can fix it. And please leave a review telling me what you thought about it! I love hearing your thoughts and I love talking to you all! My Tumblr page is well established and I post updates about stories occasionally as well as stuff I find funny. You also get to find out a little more about who I am as a person and an author, if you cared to know. :) Username is magic-pajamas. Pay me a visit and say hi if you want! I love finding new friends and talking to readers._


	56. Destination

**Fifty-Six: Destination**

A peck on the cheek when returning from missions was becoming commonplace for Jeff. His ears would flood with heat and he'd sink into his chair slowly, tugging his hat down to hide his eyes as Mara's footsteps receded. But today wasn't one of those days, and when the _clunk-thunk_ of combat boots approached the bridge, Joker met her halfway with an open datapad.

"Traitor McTrappington wants to talk to you."

She didn't appear fazed by the Illusive Man's new moniker. "About?"

Joker shrugged and thudded into his chair. "Screwing you over again, probably."

"Yay." Mara twisted her lips into a scowl and retreated back into the CIC.

Not ten minutes later, EDI input a set of coordinates Joker had never seen before and Mara came storming back to the bridge.

"Lemme guess," Joker began as he spun his chair to face her. "We get to go investigate something that's probably gonna kill us?"

She leaned against the wall. "Pretty much."

"So, what's the monster _du jour_? Flying snakes? Giant spiders? A high school chorus club?"

"A Reaper."

He nearly choked on his coffee. "That's… you're kidding, right?"

She shook her head slowly. "We're headed for a derelict Reaper."

"It's not just _floating_ there, right? What's it doing?"

"I have no idea." She shrugged. "I guess there was a research team there for a while, but Cerberus lost contact."

Joker pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Y'know, 'investigate a broken death machine' wasn't exactly on my bucket list, Mars. Why are we doing this?"

"We have to find an IFF somewhere on that thing. It'll get us past the Omega 4 relay."

"Would it be a really bad thing if we couldn't get past the relay? I mean, what if it was impossible? Can we just shrug and say 'let's go home?'"

Mara's lips twitched up in a smile and she peeled herself off the wall, walking closer to him. "I don't think they'd let us do that. It'd be fun to try, though."

EDI's display winked to life. "I would advise against that, Shepard."

Joker immediately shot the AI his "nobody asked you" glare and its display quickly turned off again.

Mara sat gingerly on the arm of Joker's chair and glanced out the window at the stars rushing by. "Do you think it really will be impossible, Jeff?"

"If anyone can do it, it's you."

"That isn't an answer."

He exhaled and slowly reached up to touch her back. "I think we're gonna be fine. The only thing that's impossible is you dying again."

She turned her head and met his eyes as he gently rubbed her lower back.

"'Cause I won't let it happen."

Mara smiled and slipped his hat off his head and onto her own. He leaned into her back and wrapped his arm loosely around her waist, curiously listening to the sound of her heartbeat and the barely-audible click that accompanied each slow _lub-dub_.

"Neither will I," she said. "Neither will I."

* * *

_A.N.: I know, I'm a bad Gairi. I left you guys with no chapter last week! But here, have some fluff to make it better. I haven't been having the greatest of weeks, but it's getting much better and I'm happy to solidify that with some OTP love. I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I do, and I'm going to try to upload at my normal time again next weekend. Again, I'm so sorry I didn't give you all a heads-up last weekend and I'll work to get next week's chapter ready to post by Saturday.  
We're closing in on the end! Are you excited? I'm excited! :D_


	57. Fist

**Fifty-Seven: Fist**

_Note: This chapter is 50 words more than the usual length, equaling 550 words exactly._

As if it wasn't enough that Mara's camera had gone dark when she destroyed the core of the derelict Reaper, the deactivated geth floating into the airlock was like the terrifying icing on Joker's quickly crumbling cake. The airlock sealed again and equalized the atmosphere and the geth dropped to the floor with an echoing _thunk_ as the inner door slid open.

Mara entered, her face and armor bloodied and one of her gauntlets horribly cracked. Joker resisted the overwhelming urge to pull her into his arms; logic somehow won out and convinced him that his affection was no substitute for proper medical attention.

Grunt hoisted the geth over his shoulder and, well, _grunted_ at Joker as Garrus helped Mara's helmet off and locked his arm around her shoulders. She cradled her hand, unwilling to pry the broken gauntlet off her fingers, and shot Joker an apologetic look before being walked to the elevator.

He realized he was gripping the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He relaxed his arms, his fingers protesting stiffly, and he swiveled his chair and sank into it nervously. If EDI hadn't reminded him to punch in a set of coordinates to fly to, he'd have stared at the planet below for hours as his brain cycled through all the injuries Mara could've potentially sustained.

Midway through the flight, a button on his console lit up – the comm from deck three – and he nearly fell out of his chair. Were his legs solid enough to take it, he'd have dashed to the med bay. Even so, he decided to utilize his old crutches to move faster. He hopped through the CIC and impatiently prodded the elevator's buttons as if that would make it move faster.

He entered the med bay to see Mara sitting on a gurney with her right hand bandaged. "Before you ask," she said, "I punched a geth and fractured three of my fingers." She motioned with her uninjured arm toward the open door to the AI core, where a containment field was buzzing softly around an unresponsive synthetic.

Joker sat on a gurney beside hers. "Wait… you _punched_ a geth?"

"Pistol jammed."

"And now it's in the AI core?"

"Miranda already gave me a speech about how much knowledge Cerberus could get out of it." She yawned and turned onto her side, propping her head up with her elbow. "I'd rather play cards with it than give it to them."

Joker rubbed his forehead. "So we just tossed it into the most technologically vulnerable place on the ship? Great plan."

Mara opened her mouth to say something, but an angry electronic blipping sounded from the core and the lights flickered out. The emergency lighting, a violent red color, came on with a slow chugging sound. The containment field began to glitch, failing and reactivating over and over again. The geth slid off the table it had been lying on and stood up, clearly over a full head taller than Mara. It eyed her warily – if a geth's face even _could_ form expressions – and a few of its systems began to run diagnostics.

"Still wanna play cards?" Joker asked dryly, staring at the motionless synthetic.

Mara, now tensely upright, shook her head slowly. "Not really."

* * *

_A.N.: I've heard a lot of wonderful things about the last chapter and I want to thank you all, again, for saying such lovely things and staying with this story for so long. I, myself, am just as excited as all of you that Mara and Joker are finally embracing their feelings (and each other) after such a long buildup and I'm just as eager to see where they'll be venturing next. I loved the last chapter and I'm so happy that so many of you did too. That interaction, particularly the physical positions and the little details like the "click" of her heartbeat, was one of my favorite things to write. It strikes me as a section well-suited for fanart... wink, wink.  
I said last week that life had been a little rough lately, so for anyone who was wondering - yes, I'm feeling a bit better and things are starting to look up. I received some lovely messages from all of you and that's been such a huge thing for me. A few years ago, it would've been ridiculous to think that anyone over the internet would care about my feelings, and I couldn't be happier to be wrong. Thank you all so much._


	58. Gossip

**Fifty-Eight: Gossip**

Tali had never been on this side of the Citadel before. It had flowers the likes of which she'd never have dreamed, coming from turian ark ships and asari gardens in every corner of the galaxy. There were few windows, but the lighted signs and screens covering every wall made the streets more than visible. Small shops, lounges, and bars lined the streets and drew crowds. One could almost tell what something was solely by the patrons queued outside its doors.

Mara was seemingly blind to all of it. She was so intently focused on the footsteps of the turian politician that she'd begun to imitate them with her fingers, walking her gauntlets across the metal railing of the maintenance pathways above the streets. Every time the turian and his krogan bodyguard would move, Mara would spring off her haunches like the skittish pet she kept in her quarters – a "hamster," as Tali recalled. Thane would rasp a question over the comm and Mara would answer with a detailed description of the turian's new position. Then they would wait, and the waiting was the worst part.

After the first few rounds of this, Tali decided to sit against a railing or nearby wall and attempt to talk to Mara. The few responses she got were short and abrupt, sometimes coming entire minutes after she'd finished speaking. Something was off, and Tali was sick of leaving the matter be.

"You seem distant, _on'yeh_. Tell me what's wrong."

Mara didn't look away from the street below. "I'm just trying to concentrate, that's all."

The light on Tali's mask pulsed slowly with concern. "I don't like to pry, but you look so upset. I want to help if I can."

Mara sighed and chewed her lower lip. After a brief moment, she tapped the edge of her headset twice, deactivating the microphone. She looked pointedly at Tali until she followed suit, then muttered, "I've been too distracted lately. I'm making it harder on myself when I'm not a hundred percent invested in the missions."

"What can I do?"

Mara shook her head. "It's not you. I'm just having trouble staying compartmentalized."

Tali's helmet light blinked brightly before resuming a relatively normal rhythm. "Wait. Are you… seeing someone?" Tali snickered and poked Mara's arm. "You're in _love_!"

"I'm being _careful_," she replied pointedly. "Very, very careful. So don't go bringing this up, you hear me?"

Tali nodded solemnly. "You have my word." She held herself straight as long as she could, but her helmet light pulsed erratically with her next fit of giggles as she nudged Mara again. "Tell me everything!"

"I promise, I'll..." Mara trailed off as she looked toward the streets. "Did he move already?" She pulled Tali to her feet and they dashed off, praying the turian hadn't gone too far.

On the streets below, a few heads turned toward the catwalks as heavy footsteps clanged across them. Some would even swear they heard a filtered voice from above.

_"__That bosh'tet!"_

* * *

_A.N.: I love the Tali/Femshep dynamic **so** much. That friendship didn't get enough spotlight at all in the games, especially because Tali only got half a game's worth of screentime in both ME2 and 3. For those wondering what "on'yeh" means, I did some googling regarding the quarian language and didn't come up with any helpful canon, so I used a fan's expansion of the limited quarian language. According to them, "onyeh" can be translated literally to "respected older sister" and I really liked that for the Mara/Tali dynamic. I added the apostrophe to make it sound more quarian-ish.  
To those whose reviews I haven't replied to: Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I'm so sorry I didn't get to you last week! I really wish I did. I had a lot of free time and I was just super lazy. I'll reply to every review I can before I go to sleep tonight and I'll catch the rest as they come in. Love you guys! 3_


	59. Danger

**Fifty-Nine: Danger**

_Note: This chapter is 100 words more than the usual length, equaling 600 words exactly._

"You know they can just look out a window and see us comin', right? We're not invisible."

"Geth do not use windows," Legion hummed. "Structural weakness."

Joker rolled his eyes and stiffly swung his arms in a poor imitation of a 21st century robot. Mara settled her hand on his shoulder, giving him a stern, yet gentle glare. He slouched back into the chair and folded his arms, grinding his teeth unhappily.

EDI's blue orb popped up and blinked twice. "Shepard, the Reaper IFF device needs time to integrate with the Normandy's systems. Perhaps you should use the shuttle for this mission."

Mara turned toward the hologram. "I'll get my team together, then."

Miranda – who'd refused to let the active geth out of her sight since it awoke – spoke up. "We should take the whole team, Commander. That way, we can choose who to take based on what the mission looks like."

"What? That's a terrible idea. I won't leave the Normandy empty like that."

"It would be far from empty. We have an entire crew."

"I'm not that indecisive, Miranda. We can take half the squad and leave the others here."

She shook her head. "We're heading into a station full of geth. Who knows how many people we'll need?"

"I've done it before."

"You had a team of STG members with you and someone _still_ died."

Joker chewed his lip. Miranda was brutal when she argued, but he didn't think she'd be aiming for the vitals. He spun his chair around and interjected before Mara could open her mouth. "Just take everyone. It'll be fine."

"I don't _need_ everyone, Joker, and I'm not going to leave this ship alone. Anything could happen with that IFF and it's better to leave some of the team here anyway."

"It'll be _fine_," he repeated, waving her concern away. "Just take everyone. You'll only be that far away." He motioned out the windows at the dark mass in the distance. "It's all good."

Mara sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I really think this is a bad idea."

"We don't have a lot of options here, Shepard," Miranda said. "We can't postpone the mission now."

"This unit can go by itself," Legion suggested with a few blinks of its eye light. "There is a small probability that fellow geth will not detect any anomalies."

"No!" Mara slammed her hand onto the wall with a loud smack, earning a flinch from Joker. She clenched her jaw and remained silent for a few moments, letting the tension in the room settle down before speaking again. "Look, I don't even think we can fit everyone into the shuttle anyway."

"It can fit twenty humans," Miranda answered. Mara could almost hear her crossing her ankles and folding her hands the way she always did when she felt important.

"Can it fit Grunt? He likes his space."

"He'll adjust."

"He's a teenage krogan, Miranda."

"He will _adjust_."

Mara sighed again. "Fine," she muttered. "Bring them all. I'm sick of this. Let's just get this over with so I don't have to argue anymore."

Miranda signed off with a light click and Joker adjusted his hat, his gaze shifting between Mara and Legion every few seconds. "Want me to contact the rest of the team?"

"Do it. And if anything happens here—"

"You'll be the first to know," he vowed, setting his fingers to the console and beginning a message to the entire squad. "Be careful, Mars."

"I'm more worried about you," she muttered under her breath, forcing down the dark churning in her stomach.


	60. Frantic

**Sixty: Frantic**

Joked sipped his coffee and scowled. _Not enough sugar._ Even without Mara's team onboard, the CIC still hummed with activity. He'd been expecting a quieter day, and having his hopes dashed already had put him in a sour mood. He was tempted to turn over the controls to EDI and take the day for himself—nothing required his attention, but he knew the AI would "helpfully" alert him if anything did.

Something, whether some kind of premonition or simple laziness, kept him rooted in his seat. Before he finished his next sip of bitter coffee, EDI blipped warningly.

"What now?" he grumbled, glaring at the display from the corner of his eye.

"I have detected a signal originating from the Reaper IFF, Mr. Moreau. It appears that it is transmitting the Normandy's location."

Joker nearly choked on his drink. "What? To who?"

A shadow loomed over the windows and the cup slid from his hands. It crashed to the floor, its handle snapping off as the megalithic vessel hung over the Normandy.

"Oh, shit." Instinctively, Joker reached for his console and began typing hyperspace coordinates, but he was interrupted.

"Propulsion systems are offline due to a virus in the Normandy's computers."

EDI's display turned a vicious red. "I can save the Normandy, but I will require your cooperation."

"My…" he trailed off as he spun his chair around, staring into the now-darkened CIC. Emergency lighting flickered on, casting everything in a fain scarlet glow.

"Give me the ship," EDI said.

He didn't have enough energy to protest. He rose from the chair, shifting his weight from leg to leg as his teeth chattered.

"You must access my databases in the AI core. The maintenance shaft in the lab will provide access." EDI's voice was patient and even—Joker doubted Cerberus would simulate fear in one of their toys. "The Collectors have boarded. Main corridors are not safe. Please follow the emergency lighting."

Joker whined lamely. He braced himself against the walls, feeling all too fragile, as he inched toward the lab. Two crewmembers, looking every bit as nervous as he was, flanked the door. One of them—Hadley, maybe—said he'd keep Joker safe.

That didn't last long. The elevator doors split open with the creak of bent metal and a group of Collectors swarmed through, swatting Hadley like a housefly and snatching the other crewmember up. Joker's feet pounded the floor as he dashed into the lab, but he was met with a thick, hovering mass that looked more intimidating than any of the other Collector's he'd seen.

He voiced an admittedly unmanly squeak before realizing that it was in the AI core below, but when it smashed itself against the glass, the cracking sound spurred him forward. He tripped and toppled into the maintenance shaft, smacking his head against the ladder on the way down. His vision blurred and darkened at the corners. _Some pilot I am,_ he thought before fully blacking out. _I'll lose my ship twice._

* * *

_A.N.: This is the first half of today's double upload. Make sure you don't miss the next chapter, as it's a direct continuation of this one!_


	61. Silence

_A.N.: This chapter is the second half of a double upload, so make sure you didn't miss the last chapter! It's important!_

* * *

**Sixty-One: Silence**

Joker opened his eyes, wincing at a new pain in his left shin. He sat up to make sure it was intact, but adrenaline took over as he came eye-to-eye with a husk. It reached out a fleshy arm, but he clambered to his feet and sprinted for the med bay before it had a chance to do any damage.

He limped into the AI core and leaned against the wall. "Alright," he panted, "I'm at… uh… _you_."

"Connect the core to the Normandy's primary control module."

"Right, like I know where _that_ is." His fingers flitted across the console as he muttered something about EDI's secret plot for galactic domination.

The lights flickered and the ship's humming momentarily stopped—silence was never a good sign on a starship.

"I have access to the defensive systems," EDI said as the humming resumed. "Now you must reactivate the drive core in engineering."

Joker groaned and rubbed his knee. "Tell me I don't have to go crawling through the ducts again."

"I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees," EDI quipped with a smug blink of her blue hologram.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and grimaced.

"That was a joke."

"Yeah, sure it was." He lowered himself onto the ladder and haltingly climbed down, minding his footing. At the bottom, he dropped to his feet and his left knee buckled, but he regained his balance quickly enough to avoid a tumble. He sighed bitterly and headed toward the stairs, but EDI warned him harshly away.

"Hostiles are present in engineering!" she said, sounding alarmed for the first time since she'd been installed. "They are moving toward the cargo bay."

Joker knelt down at the bottom of the stairwell, watching the ominous shadows slide across the walls and floor. He shivered. Their footsteps were a heavy, slow pulse and it sounded like they were dragging something. He didn't want to find out what.

"No hostiles detected," EDI said. "Proceed into engineering immediately."

Joker had already started moving. He used his hands to help him up the stairs faster and hobbled into the room, hearing the barely-reassuring hiss of the door sealing behind him.

"Activate the drive core and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed."

"What? No! The crew—"

"They are gone, Jeff." She sounded remorseful, if only artificially so.

He squeezed his eyes shut and chewed his lip. "Shit."

"I have control."

The room lit up like someone had tossed a star into it. The ship jolted and Joker fell backwards as if someone had yanked the floor out from under him. His head hit the railing behind him hard enough to knock him out again. When he could finally crack open his eyes, there was a silence so deafening he could barely understand what EDI said about other life forms on board.

Even after his vision cleared and he could stand up, he could still only manage two words:

"Tell Mara."

* * *

_A.N.: To make up for falling through last week - again - please take this double upload as my apology. It was very good to write these chapters today. It made me feel like I found my purpose again, and after the events of the past few weeks, a purpose is greatly appreciated. I love being able to write this and get feedback from all of you, because you're such wonderful people and you're all so wonderful and supportive. As always, if you see any mistakes of the grammatical or spelling variety, please let me know so I can fix them! Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you all in the next chapter!_


	62. Fingertips

**Sixty-Two: Fingertips**

She hadn't stopped fussing over him since the debriefing. Some variation of the phrase "are you alright?" had been uttered more than half a dozen times in just as many minutes, but he gave the same answer to every single one: "Quit worrying." She'd examined his arms, his shoulders, his knees, and his face, barely brushing his skin with the tips of her fingers as if a firmer touch would send cracks through his entire frame. She'd fretted over his legs and worried about his head, but he waved her concern away every time she brought up a new injury.

Eventually, she gave up, gingerly draping her arms around him and burying her concern. They remained in that position long enough to draw glances. If their relationship—or whatever they chose to call it—hadn't already been fed through the rumor mill, today would be the nail in that coffin.

"I should never have left," she muttered after they separated. She pushed her hair away from her face with an angry huff and sat on the table beside him. "I _knew_ something could go wrong, and I still just left."

He didn't have enough willpower to disagree with her. "Yeah, well… everyone tried. Hadley, Hawthorne, Daniels and Donnelly…"

"We'll get them back. If there's anyone who can get us safely through that relay, it's you."

He clenched his jaw and silence filled the space between them. It was thick and uncomfortable, and it dragged on for so long that his voice seemed loud and rough when he spoke again.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he demanded with a glare. "Just… just goin' off like that with the _whole_ squad? What did you expect? I can't save the galaxy by myself!"

That stung more than she'd been prepared for. "I'm sorry, Jeff. I made a really, really bad call." She stared down at her feet awkwardly. "That's all I can say."

"Y'know what?" he added indignantly. "I should just leave! Just quit and get off wherever we stop next. I'll flag down a ship and go back to Tiptree. I'm done with this shit!"

"Joker, I know you don't mean that."

His posture slackened. "No," he said after a few moments, "but it felt good."

Despite it all, she gave a weak smile. She touched his hand and he responded in kind, loosely interlacing their fingers. This time, the silence that accompanied the gesture was warmer, less severe.

Still, Mara cut the silence short with something she realized she hadn't yet said. "I'm glad you're okay, Jeff. You did so much to save the Normandy and I'm… I'm really proud of you."

He raised his cap and scratched his head. "It's still pretty empty in here. I wasn't that great."

"Hey." She cupped his chin with her free hand and turned his face toward her. "We'll get them back. Nobody fucks with my crew." She tugged his hat off and gently touched his head. "And nobody ever fucks with _you_."

* * *

_A.N.: A late upload, but I still managed to make the weekend (at least in my time zone). The Suicide Mission is fast approaching, and I'm very excited to get to work on it and its follow-up chapters. Some surprises are definitely in store! As always, please let me know if there are any errors and I will correct them ASAP. I hope you all have a wonderful week!_


	63. Joy

**Sixty-Three: Joy**

Mara turned on the sound system in her cabin for the first time and jazz from two centuries back started playing. That the Normandy's design team knew about her music preferences was stunning, but she wasn't about to file any complaints. She had been pacing through her cabin for nearly an hour. It hadn't been long since she'd given the order to approach the Omega relay, but every minute seemed like an eternity. It may as well have been on the other side of the galaxy. She needed a distraction so she wouldn't go insane.

After pushing down nervous butterflies, she slid open the keyboard of her omni-tool and began a new message.

_[Shepard, M] Can EDI take over for a little while?_

_[Jeff] Yeah sure. Sup?_

_[Shepard, M] I'm going crazy here with nothing to do. _She paused and her fingers hovered over the keyboard. _[Shepard, M] Maybe some random questions?_

_[Jeff] Ok, hang on a sec._

She couldn't help the disappointed frown that formed on her face when longer than "a sec" had passed. She flopped face down on her bed, draping across it horizontally and slowly kicking her legs back and forth.

Her omni-tool blipped and she slid open the keyboard again. _[Jeff] You wanna unlock your door for me?_

She scowled in confusion, but then she heard a quiet knock on the door. She grinned and keyed in the combination from her omni-tool. The door slid open and Joker gave her a sheepish wave before stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Hey."

She waved back. "Hey. I thought you had to stay up on the bridge."

"Nah, EDI's got it covered. We won't get to the relay for hours." He sat down on the edge of the bed and adjusted his hat. "So, ah… what's _your_ favorite vid?"

"I'm pretty fond of that terrible one about us. The one with the really badly animated Saren."

"Oh god, _Citadel_!" Joker laughed. "We _so_ need to watch that. Best pre-suicide mission date ever."

They were making fun of it even before the opening credits finished, laughing at the actors chosen to play them and their teammates. Mara pointed out flaws in the armor and combat tactics and Joker found discrepancies in dialogue and plot points, and they both laughed until their sides ached at the mix of puppetry and holographic animation that made Saren look like a floppy marionette.

Shortly after the ending credits, EDI sent Joker an alert. They were less than an hour away from the relay and he was needed at the helm.

He left her with a long kiss. "Let's do this again sometime, huh?"

"I like that idea. So long as you don't get us lost in an asteroid field."

He scoffed as he backed into the elevator. "Yeah, and as long as you don't piss off any extra Reapers while you're out."

When the doors closed, Mara fell back onto her bed with a happy sigh. "I could get used to this."

* * *

_A.N.: These two are so cute that I was smiling just as much as they were while I was writing it. This story is so fulfilling to write, honestly.  
I have a tentative plan for the layout of the Suicide Mission. I believe it'll take three chapters, so I think I might upload the first one next Saturday and then follow up with the next ones throughout that week. So the uploads would happen on Saturday, Wednesday, and the Saturday after that. If you'd like to give me your opinion on that plan, go right ahead! Enjoy the chapter, and thank you all for reading!_


	64. Revenge

**Sixty-Four: Revenge**

What awaited the Normandy on the other side of the Omega 4 relay was a challenge this helmsman hadn't expected. The ship decelerated abruptly as he weaved between chunks of wreckage, narrowly avoiding impacts with vessels that seemed ancient.

Mara looked through the windows at the wreckage. "Is this the reason other ships can't make it through the relay?"

"If it's not, I bet I can guess what _is_." Joker raised a screen displaying scans of a massive energy signature. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's the Collector base. A hundred credits something's gonna try to kill us before we even get there."

Mara watched three smaller energy signatures appear on the screen. "Make it two."

"Taking evasive maneuvers!" Joker announced as he swung the Normandy into a curve. "That new plating better hold!"

Joker shot one of the drones out of the sky, but the remaining two managed to punch a hole in the cargo hold. Miranda was in the bridge at the time, so Mara grabbed her wrist and ran to the hold to fend off the drones while Joker continued to fight through to the base, still dodging fragments of broken ships.

Only one of the drones had remained in the hold, but between Miranda's biotic attacks and heavy weapon fire from Mara, it wasn't long before the drone buzzed away, damaged and flying on a tilt. Joker grimaced as more of the drones began to swarm the ship and he eyed the debris field before him. "We're sitting ducks out here, Commander. You better hang onto somethin'."

The SR-2 wasn't small enough to squeeze into the openings provided. It scraped and dragged against pieces of sharp, crooked metal and its kinetic barriers were ground down to nearly nothing. One by one, the Collector drones smashed against the broken ships as they tried to chase the Normandy.

One of them, however—a dented lump of a device—bumbled its way back into the cargo hold.

"Hold her steady, Joker!" Mara ordered. "That thing came back for another round!"

Joker dodged the ship out of the debris field and hovered as best he could while Mara's team pushed back against the damaged drone, but something else caught his eye. From a hole in the side of the Collector base came a miniature version of it.

"The Collectors sent out a ship," he said through the comm. "Orders?"

"Fire the main gun!" Mara ordered, the response strangled by the sounds of gunfire and squealing metal.

Joker slammed his fist onto the trigger and the gun charged up, vibrating the whole ship. It pounded the Collector vessel with enough force to send it spinning sideways—but not enough to break it. He pushed the Normandy forward and fired again, scoring a direct hit in the middle of the vessel. It was blown apart with a massive blast—one the SR-2 was too close to avoid.

Before Mara had even returned to the bridge, the Normandy crashed.

* * *

_A.N.: Just a quick reminder, I'm aiming for the next two chapters to be released during this week to reflect the urgency of the Suicide Mission. I'll do my best, of course, to make sure that quality isn't sacrificed in the name of a cool schedule. Hopefully, you all like the idea of having more to read!_


	65. Free

**Sixty-Five: Free**

She hadn't even assessed her own potential injuries before rushing to his side. "You okay?" she asked, bracing him as he picked himself off the floor.

"I think I broke a rib," he groaned. "Or _all_ of 'em."

She gave him a quick once-over. "You look alright for now. I'm still bringing Karen back. She can take care of any fractures."

"We knew this was a one-way trip," Miranda interjected. "We can't hope for anything."

Mara turned to face her. "Stop it. We'll be fine."

Her lips formed a grim line. "I'm just being realistic, Shepard."

"Well, _I'm_ the one in charge, and _I_ say we're gonna go in there, blow it up, and come back. And then I'm taking a vacation." Mara rubbed her shoulder, bruised from the crash. "_You_ can stay up here and preach doomsday all you want; I'm going downstairs to strategize with people who actually want to survive."

"Commander." Joker lifted himself halfway out of his chair. "Be careful."

She stared at him for a moment, her gaze soft and reassuring. "I will."

The initial resistance encountered in the Collector base was much less than they'd expected. It was nearly worrying, since less Collectors in one area surely meant many more in another. That didn't mean the fight was easy—there were enough Collectors to make Mara's journey through the first third of the base exceedingly difficult. Her armor was gathering enough dents to warrant a new set, and Mordin had applied medi-gel to more injuries than they'd sustained in the past three missions combined.

Tali tumbled out of the vent and began hacking the door systems to let Mara, Grunt, and Mordin into the chamber. The door parted with a resounding crack, as if it hadn't been opened in decades, and Garrus's team provided cover fire for Mara's group as they backpedaled into the room. It was an empty chamber similar to the one found on the Collector ship they'd just destroyed—rows and rows of pods, some holding people.

Mara stared into one and met the sleepy eyes of a human. She yelped and jumped backward as the woman clawed at the pod, screaming unintelligibly. Liquid filled the pod and she emitted a sickly gurgling sound before just… dissolving.

"Open the pods! Now!" Mara shouted before shoving her omni-blade into the side of a pod and attempting to pry it open.

Garrus and Grunt used their strength alone to tear pods off the walls. Mordin and Tali did the same as Mara, and Jack, Miranda, and Samara used the force of a biotic punch to smash the glass on as many pods as possible. The others just smashed into the pods with whatever they had.

One by one, crewmembers stumbled out of the pods, disoriented and exhausted. When Miranda's count revealed that everyone was present, Mara could hear Joker sigh over the comm.

"Told you nobody fucks with my crew," Mara said, just quiet enough for him to hear.

He laughed. "Guess not."


	66. Destiny

**Sixty-Six: Destiny**

Joker was finding out more about Mara's squadmates from their headset data than Kelly Chambers had ever learned in the months she'd been living with them. Every headset fed into a hidden data cache in EDI's servers. It had been created by Cerberus as an "extra security measure," but Joker had hacked into the system on his second day at the SR-2's helm. He discovered that Garrus would keep scores and compete with Mara. Mordin recited medical facts and Thane whispered prayers. Samara and Jacob were dead silent while Jack and Grunt never stopped talking.

Now, however, Mara's camera was completely dark due to interference. But the past heavy static and gunfire, Joker could hear some voices from her audio feed.

"Get these…ers off me, Shepard!" Jack shouted. "…can't hold this…shield for…"

Squinting at the screen, Joker could barely make out the shimmer of biotics and a whole lot of husks. With a scene like that, it was even more worrying that Mara had made so little noise. It had been like that for several minutes. Joker found himself checking the time so frequently that life seemed to be at a standstill, despite the ever-changing noises from Mara's audio feed.

He fidgeted impatiently. EDI had taken over the assessments of the Normandy's damage and compiling a list of the necessary repairs, so there was little else Joker could do to keep himself occupied. He always kept an eye on the data from Mara's hardsuit—particularly her vitals. He remembered sitting in the SR-1's bridge, staring at a similar console, and anxiously chewing his lip while waiting for a sign that she was alive. But that was when a Reaper had landed on her. It wasn't her fault. This time, she walked into it. There was only one consistent factor between the fight two years ago and this one: Joker was still powerless.

It was rumored that the Alliance had been working on better hardsuit technology. Technology to better protect the wearer from things like bone damage. One day, someone like Jeff might be able to do things that Mara did. It wasn't exactly one of his life goals, but he did sometimes wonder what it would be like. Sitting and watching while his friends walked into crossfire every single day had slowly worn down his patience, and it was getting harder by the minute.

But this was where he was meant to be. He was too territorial and he knew it—if going ashore meant leaving the Normandy in less capable hands, it was out of the question. But if fate was kind, the Reapers might have decided to just pack up the whole invasion and go home.

The team's camera systems rebooted right as the Normandy's airlock opened and Mordin ushered the crew inside. Many of them gave Joker a smile or a salute. Karen even hugged him… before promptly scolding him about the dangers of forgetting his medication.

"Missed you too, mom," he teased. "Go get some rest."


	67. Guns

**Sixty-Seven: Guns**

_Note: This chapter is half again as long as my usual chapters, equaling 750 words exactly. _**_Make sure you didn't miss the last three chapters, since they include the rest of the Suicide Mission!_**

* * *

The Illusive Man, like a cranky grandfather who needed help understanding new technology, always called at terrible times. Like when Mara was about to arm a nuclear bomb, for example. It wasn't very polite of him to ask her to do something _more_ for him, especially when that something involved giving him the Collector base.

He hadn't even said his last word before Tali closed the channel. She, Mara, and Jack layered their hands atop one another's and pushed down on the arming switch. A countdown began beeping steadily, drawing some unwanted attention.

It should have been an easy fight, but the floating platforms under the team's feet started trembling. A metal hand large enough to squash four krogan slammed down onto a platform, forming a crater-like dent. The head of the human-Reaper hybrid appeared over the edge, its eyes pulsating with a glowing orange light. Running was out of the question—the platforms had separated from each other and Mara's squad was stuck on a single hovering polygon.

The only thing Mara could do was use the Collectors' own weapons against them. Using the beam rifle she'd pried from the hands of a dead Collector on Horizon, she fired at the hybrid while Tali weakened its armor and Jack tossed Collectors off the edges of the platform with her biotics.

The Reaper creation would disappear for a few moments before popping up on another side of the platform, swinging its arms and looming over them like a curious toddler peering down at its toys before throwing them across the room in a tantrum. The Collectors became more and more concentrated, surrounding them on all sides while the Reaper watched from above.

Jack summoned all that was left of her biotics, combined it with Mara's energy beam and Tali's incendiary ammunition, and slammed it into the Reaper's chest in a concentrated burst. It began to shiver and curl in on itself, its fingers slipping off the edge of the platform. Just before it fell, lights shone out of every crack in its metal frame and it exploded with a blast of force, sending all the platforms spinning wildly.

Mara opened her eyes as the dust was still settling, her head throbbing as a dull beeping echoed off the walls. She groaned weakly and pushed herself up despite intense pain throughout her body. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. The holographic interface of the bomb she'd set was dim and flickering, but still working. It read 4:28.

_Four minutes? …Four minutes!_

Tali was pinned under a piece of metal and Jack was laying halfway off the platform. Mara roused them both, adrenaline replacing strength when she removed the dented metal, and pulled them by their arms as she dashed out of the alcove the platform had crashed into. Jack was the fastest, sprinting through the base as it trembled around them. Tali was limping but still moving fast, and after applying medi-gel to the best of her ability, she surpassed even Mara's speed.

Joker was calling her, but she answered only with grunts. Even adrenaline couldn't entirely remove the pain she was feeling. The Normandy was in sight after what felt like much too long, and Mara watched as the airlock slid open and Joker waved her forward.

She cast a look behind her at the swarm of Collectors that had been quickly gaining. Joker disappeared into the Normandy and then reemerged seconds later with a pistol, firing at the Collectors—and hitting her shields several times in the process. Tali and Jack leapt toward the Normandy, landing squarely inside the airlock.

Mara reached the edge of the base, but the Normandy had drifted away, creating a gap farther than she'd ever jumped before. She stepped back, giving herself room, and made a running leap. Just when she began to panic that she wouldn't make it, Tali and Jack both reached out, catching her arms and hoisting her up. They tumbled into the Normandy, nearly knocking Joker off his feet as he scrambled to his console. He didn't even sit down as he steered the ship away, firing up the drive core and boosting it with everything they had.

They slipped into the Omega relay with seconds to spare. Mara leaned against the wall and slid down, breathing hard and closing her eyes. They'd succeeded. They'd survived what had been called a suicide mission. She, and her team—her friends—were alive.

She _would_ have to see Dr. Chakwas, though…

* * *

_A.N.: This was SO much fun to do! I can't believe I just technically finished the entire second game. The second is by far my favorite, and I even replayed it while I was writing this section to bring myself up to speed on the stuff I had to write. Don't worry; Part Two isn't over yet! There's still some post-endgame stuff (*cough* fluff) I want to write before I end the part. Thank you all so much for coming with me on the wild ride that was Mass Effect 2: Gairi style! Enjoy the chapter!  
EDIT: As I was about to post this chapter, I found out that I hit 300 reviews EXACTLY and I didn't even realize it. AH! Thank you guys so, so, so much! I squealed and clapped my hands when I saw the number, so... yeah, you guys made me really happy. Thank you SO much, all of you._


	68. Celebration

**Sixty-Eight: Celebration**

Mara awoke with Jeff beside her. Despite them being in separate beds—or rather, gurneys in the med bay—it was still a welcome start to the morning. She gave him a lazy smile and he returned it warmly.

"First time you broke something and I didn't," he said teasingly, glancing down at the splint on her leg.

"And the last time I'm letting you fire a gun." She yawned and stretched out. "Did I mention that you shot me?"

"Yeah, yeah. I never had combat training, y'know."

She stood up, balancing on her good leg, and reached for the crutches Dr. Chakwas had left out for her. "Are you gonna teach me how to use these?"

"Just hop around like I did." He shrugged. "Now come on! There's stuff goin' on and I wanna be there!"

She looked out the window. Surprisingly, Thane had left his room and started socializing, along with Grunt and Jack. Mordin was examining the contents of the refrigerator and conversing with EDI. Garrus and Tali were sharing a plate of finger food while Miranda and Jacob chatted with the Cerberus crew. Joker opened the med bay door and beckoned Mara forward. She maneuvered clumsily at first, but was soon steady enough to roam the deck and mingle with everyone.

Thane and Samara were swapping stories over a round of drinks. He had a tale about every subject she brought up, and for every kill he said he'd made, she'd claim two more. They debated hanar beliefs and the Justicar code, and eventually, they began talking about their children. Mara politely withdrew from their table at that point.

Grunt and Jack were talking about the weaknesses of various species. Every so often, Mordin would try to add a fact or two, but they were getting too excited to listen. Mara kept them company, subtly adding Mordin to the conversation as they all interacted. Once they all seemed to be listening to each other, she left again, this time returning to Joker, Tali, and Garrus.

"I've never had chicken," Garrus was saying, "but I've heard that just about everything in the galaxy tastes like it."

"Wait, what about that paste substitution?" Tali asked, nudging him. "It comes in cubes. It's supposed to be like… what's that human food? Tofu?"

Joker laughed. "Ew, no way! Tofu is nowhere _near_ real chicken."

Mara sat down, leaning her crutches against the edge of the table. "I can actually cook some turian food. I'd love to learn how to make a quarian dish someday."

"I'd love to teach you!" Tali offered, her helmet light blinking in a pattern Mara had learned to associate with a smile. "I have to warn you: I'm not the greatest chef."

"One day, I'll make something for all of us. It'll be the biggest buffet the Normandy's ever seen."

"When we finish off the Reapers," Garrus said with a solemn nod. "That'll be the day."

"Yeah," Joker seconded. "That'll be a really, _really_ good day."


	69. Desire

**Sixty-Nine: Desire**

"What will you do when we get to the Citadel?"

It was a question Mara was asking of nearly everyone on the ship. She'd started at the bottom, asking Jack if she wanted to go anywhere in particular once the Normandy docked.

"Dunno," she replied. "Maybe go to Earth and see if it's got as many assholes as the Terminus."

Tali mentioned a sushi restaurant that served dextro-friendly food. "If Garrus isn't going back to Palaven," she mused, "he might want to come too."

Grunt clapped his meaty hands at Mara's suggestion of returning to Tuchanka. "If Clan Urdnot needs me, I will go," he growled.

When asked, Miranda went quiet for a time. The look in her eyes was fond and warm, a look she only adopted when she thought about her sister. Mara quietly withdrew from the room to let her reflect.

Garrus mentioned "one thing" he'd never been allowed to do, but always dreamed about. "You can come along for the ride if you don't have any plans." His mandibles shifted into what Mara had learned to recognize as a smile. She always imagined him winking along with it, if the expression was part of turian culture.

Mara altered her question when she approached Thane—"Are you going to visit Kolyat when we dock?" It was almost rhetorical, the way he simply smiled in response.

Samara initially said she didn't know what she would do. When pressed, however, she sighed and stared wearily at Mara before admitting that her two surviving daughters were alive and sheltered at an Ardat-Yakshi monastery. "I want to see them," Samara murmured, staring wistfully into the stars. "I… miss them more than I had anticipated.

Jacob simply shrugged when confronted with the idea that he could do whatever he wished. "Got me there, Shepard," he confessed. "All I want right now is some good downtime."

Mordin beamed when Mara posed the question. He chattered excitedly about visiting his nephew at university and telling his family about Mara and the Normandy. "Anticipate conversations about science," he said. "Several long stories to tell."

Before she left, he stopped her. "Aware you visit often, enjoy interactions." He paused, blinking rapidly. "You have my respect, Shepard. Very glad to have met you."

She hugged him and he returned it, squeezing her fiercely for the briefest of seconds before pulling away and smoothing his clothes. "Honored to participate in friendship. Never been 'hugged' before." He said the word as if it was foreign, and she laughed.

Mara made one last stop: the copilot's chair in the bridge. Joker had been watching the entire time—they'd made bets regarding each teammate's answer to Mara's question. Only Thane's was accurate, considering the wild predictions they'd made about everyone else.

"So," Mara began with hints of mischief in her voice, "what are _we_ going to do when we dock?"

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking. "I can think of a couple things."

* * *

_A.N.: I don't really have an excuse for not putting up a chapter yesterday or last week. I'm sorry to leave you guys hanging. I do have an announcement: I will be going on hiatus after the next chapter. The least I can do is get that chapter out for you next week, so barring any unforeseen circumstances, you'll have chapter seventy, titled "April," next Saturday. Thank you for hanging in there and waiting on me when I don't upload every week. The hiatus won't be permanent, of course, and it'll last, at most, a few months. I know I promised you guys fluff, but unfortunately, romance in all its forms has been a stranger to me lately. I don't want to force it if I can't comfortably write it, because realistic romance is a really hard thing to write and Mara and Joker deserve the very best writing I can pull off. The next chapter will contain romance-y stuff, because I've actually planned it out this time, and I'll try my hardest because I really **want** to get to that romance and fluff. Stay tuned for the next chapter_—_the end of Part Two!_


	70. April

**Seventy: April**

April 11th. Humanity barely remembered the day; it was the anniversary of a space shuttle launch in the 20th century, but nobody paid attention to early spacefaring history. Space shuttles had become space ships, and space ships were a part of life. It wasn't a day for revelry anymore—not even for Mara's birthday.

It hadn't been properly celebrated since Akuze. She was accustomed to it by now. No presents, no parties, no "make a wish and blow out the candles!" It was simply acknowledged. Occasionally, she'd reflect on the past year. Had she learned from anything? Progressed in any way?

This year, Mara had the time and the means to treat herself to a gift and a nice dinner. Having docked at the Citadel the previous evening, she now had the opportunity as well. She anticipated a calm day of sightseeing and wandering, but when the airlock doors opened and she caught sight of Joker with that puckish grin he could never quite erase, she realized she was in for much more.

"You move like an elcor," he said, already taunting her with the gleam in his eyes. "I've been standing here for an hour."

"Serves you right for not telling me you'd be waiting." She settled her hands on her hips. Where are we going?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Where were you going?"

"Shopping, dinner… somewhere. I didn't really make any plans."

"Sounds good to me. I'll buy you a present."

To Mara's surprise, he was serious about that. He walked with her through one of the classier Wards, one filled with boutiques and salons and shops of all kinds. Whenever she looked into a window, he'd ask if she wanted to go inside. She slowly warmed up to the idea of saying yes… especially when they discovered a shoe store.

Later, as they sat in a quiet restaurant, sharing a few breadsticks, Mara crossed her ankles and admired her new shoes.

Joker shook his head. "I can't believe you picked _those_."

"Why?" Mara folded her arms indignantly. "I can like high heels and pink bows and pretty dresses just like everyone else."

"Just wasn't expecting Commander Shepard to be a shoe hoarder."

She sighed. "That's the problem. _I_ like wearing girly shoes and cooking and making silly faces at babies, but _Commander Shepard_ is supposed to like turian warships and big guns and battle armor. Sometimes it feels like I'm not her at all."

Joker leaned on his elbows. "You're not givin' yourself enough credit. If you ever met you, you'd understand why everyone talks about Commander Shepard. You killed a Reaper, you came back from the _dead_, you saved the galaxy twice. You've done things like jump a Colossus and break though a gunship and talk to a geth after punching it in the face." He paused, adjusting his cap. "So… yeah, everyone's gonna think you like big guns and battle armor. But you're not gonna wear an apron and heels planetside—how would anyone know you like _that_ stuff?"

She stared at him for a moment, her eyebrows knitting together. "I don't know how to feel about this new trend where you're always right about me."

"Just think about it. I know you. I mean, yeah, _you_ know you too, but you know about every different Mara. Little Mara, Angsty Mara, Pre-Bullshit Mara, _Post-_Bullshit Mara, Super Soldier Mara… that's a lot to keep straight in your head. I just know one Mara. You, right now. I might not be a people person but I'm a… Shepard person, I guess."

She chuckled. "Does that make me a Moreau person?"

"I don't think so. See, I'm a paradox wrapped in an enigma and covered in conundrums." He waved his hands mysteriously over the breadsticks.

"Yes, but I _do_ know exactly how you like your coffee."

He gave a quiet _tsk. _"You win," he said, "for now. But I think you'd like it if I came out on top sometime…"

"Ooh. How risqué." She smirked. "I expect you to back up those words later tonight, Mr. Moreau."

"I am gonna rock your world," he vowed before leaning over the table to kiss her.

* * *

_A.N.: Here it is, friends—the end of Part Two. This was two and a half times as long as Part One, but I covered so much! Looking back at Part One, and even the beginning of Part Two, it's very, very clear how much my writing skill has increased. I owe a lot of that to this story._

_With further ado, here are the statistics as I close Part Two: Reviews: 378. Favorites: 76. Followers: 122. Total Views: 39,671._

_I am in awe, seriously. This is more than I ever expected to get. I remember when I hit my first 50 reviews and I was elated. Now I'm over seven times that number, and still elated! This is one of my favorite projects, and I feel like I know so many people in my reader group, rather than them just being numbers on a screen. I'm still excited to see new reviews. I'm still anxious to know what people think of every chapter I put out. I've written seventy of these. Seventy! That's huge! My word count on the Shooting Stars document on my computer, including oneshots, is over 40,000 words. That's 10,000 short of what's officially classified as a novel. I'm so thankful to all of you. Every single one. I've had people tell me they read the entire story in a day, it's been compared to a can of Pringles, and it's been lovingly followed through every single chapter and every single stage of Mara and Joker's relationship. Despite my hiatus and my need for a break, I absolutely adore this story and it remains one of the projects I take the most pride in. Thank you all **so** much!_  
_Love,_  
_-Gairi_


	71. Camping

**Seventy-One: Camping**

One day, on Mindoir, Mara's parents renovated their house. "We're going on vacation," they told her. "It'll only be for a little while." It lasted two months—a camping trip to some far-off park on the other side of the colony. She slept under the stars every night, making sleepy wishes on the last one she saw before drifting off. There was a blue one she always set her eyes on when she was nervous. Sometimes she thought she saw it flicker and she'd make a wish. She'd lie in the snow, letting it melt into her hair, and look up at the sky for hours on end. Her mind could wander forever if she'd let it.

Sometimes, the things she wished for were trivial—the imaginings of a child. "I wish it would rain applesauce cupcakes."

Other nights, she had been focused on her future. "I wish I can spend forever with someone who loves me more than anything… ever!"

But often, she'd wish to go home. Home away from home, as her parents said, had become nothing of the sort, and all she wanted by the end of the trip was to leave.

Now, there were no pretty stars to wish on, no mom and dad to keep her company or reassure her it'd be over soon. She was left with only restless nights, unending worries, and a homesickness unlike anything she'd felt in years.

Now, her nights were spent staring at a white metal ceiling. The cot in her room was chilly and hard, like the densely packed soil on her homeworld. She never rested well and she felt weary and achy as if she'd been farming all day. She could look out the window and see a park, one of the few natural-looking areas left in Vancouver. Watching the children running around down there was all she could do to remind herself there really _was_ a world outside.

Discharge was an ugly word. Doctors used it to describe whatever oozed out of dangerous wounds. Soldiers used it to exaggerate their hit/miss ratio. Admirals used it to remove the undesirables—honorably or not. Mara didn't get either. She got nothing but a gilded cage and a series of empty promises. Despite her efforts, and Joker's, and Anderson's, the Alliance brass immediately removed her from the Alliance military. It was like taking her away from home.

"You'll see your crew," they said. Lies on top of lies. She hadn't seen them face-to-face in weeks. Joker had been absent for just as long, though he always excused it when they spoke on vid-com.

"I'd come see you, but I'm with the ship right now."

_I wish I could be._

Sometimes EDI's voice would chime in behind his, saying something about more retrofits.

_Rebuilding my Normandy—again._

"Yeah, they've been a real pain, Mars. Dunno why they need me here anyway."

_If I said I need you, would you listen?_

"Shit. They want me for somethin'. Gotta go."

_Goodbye. Again._

* * *

_A.N.: Guess who's back and better than ever? A ton has happened during my hiatus. I've learned an awful lot and gained some new experience that I'm positive will help me prepare for the love, lust, and loss of life that'll permeate Part Three of this story. I'm still recovering from the writer's nightmare that is NaNoWriMo, but I was dedicated enough to finish an entire novel (first draft) during that experience, so it may be a slow return to my best work with these little bite-sized chapters. Either way, it's good to be back, and I hope you all enjoy this introduction to Mass Effect 3-era Mara Shepard._  
_-Gairi_


	72. Elephant

**Seventy-Two: The Elephant in the Room**

The trial hadn't been pretty. Facts were ignored, evidence was lost, and testimonies were thrown out. It was three days before the judges reached a verdict.

As Mara reflected on it, staring out the window at the little boy playing with a toy Normandy in the park, she came to the conclusion that punching the soldier who'd grabbed her arm in an attempt to arrest her was a poor choice. Really, he was only doing his job. She still hadn't apologized to him.

Joker had laughed. She remembered that much before her memory fogged over because of the electric jolt they'd sent up her spine to keep her still. Anderson was calling for them to stop, her crewmembers were protesting the verdict, but Joker was just… laughing. His grin quickly morphed into a look of concern once she'd been hit with the stunner, but upon her quick recovery, he smiled again.

She missed him.

His testimony had nearly made her cry. Kaidan's was harsh—"Cerberus brainwashed her," he said, among other indelicate condemnations of her efforts to save humanity—and the others were barely considered, even those from the ever-persuasive Dr. Chakwas and the levelheaded Gabby Daniels. But Joker's stood out. He'd shuddered when they called his name and stumbled on his words, backpedaling to make things sound better and putting blame on himself instead of her.

"Mara's not a bad person. I mean, she's not a bad soldier. She did what she had to. If she hadn't worked for… if she hadn't helped… I mean, if she hadn't used Cerberus's resources to kill the Collectors, some human Reaper thing would be stomping all over Canada by now."

One of the judges had taken it upon herself to scrutinize everything Joker said. When she wasn't staring at him, she was staring at Mara and watching every look they shot each other. If she smiled at him, the judge would make a note. If he stammered, the judge would make a note. Eventually she tapped her fingernails against the desk with a _tack-clack_ and said, "I have a question for the witness and the defendant."

Mara gulped and Joker clenched his jaw. Again, they looked at each other with a shared nervousness only they could see.

"Ms. Shepard, do you currently have romantic relations with the witness?"

Mara dismissed it. Anderson questioned its validity, then denied it with double Mara's certainty. The judge turned her attention to Joker and asked him the same question.

He gave Mara a forlorn look. After a second or two, he muttered, "I guess not."

The judge called for his testimony to be thrown out—she wasn't exactly convinced by his answer—but the others overruled it and dismissed all the witnesses.

On his way back to his seat, he looked at her again. She'd given a gentle smile. He didn't return it. He barely even looked at her until they finally delivered their verdict:

"Mara Shepard is to be discharged from the Systems Alliance Military."


	73. Anger

She jolted every time the door opened. With a hiss and a whirr, it slid away and the tough-looking guy she'd come to know only as "Meathead" shrugged his way into her room.

He raised his arm in a salute. "Commander."

"You mocking me?"

"No, ma'am." He lowered his hand. She noted his dog tags and instinctively brushed her fingers against her bare neck.

"The defense committee wants to see you."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow and dropped her tablet onto the bed. "Why?"

He didn't answer, instead waving for her to follow. As long as they let her out of that room, she'd oblige.

"Why's everyone in such a hurry?" she asked, eyes darting around the hall as she watched the mess of soldiers rushing about.

He shrugged. "Couldn't say."

A blue-suited figure broke through the rush and greeted Mara with a smile—one she didn't return.

"Anderson."

"Shepard. You look good." He reached toward her stomach. "Maybe a little soft around the edges."

She smacked his hand. "Don't touch me."

That earned her a brief glower. "Well, that answers my next question. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't get me reinstated… _Admiral_." They rounded a corner and narrowly dodged an intern with messy hair. "What's going on?"

"Admiral Hackett's mobilizing the fleets," Anderson said. "It's something big."

"And the committee wants to see me." She scoffed. "Why?"

"They're scared. You know more about the Reapers than anyone, so they want your expertise."

Mara stopped. "Reapers. Figures." She looked around, taking in the worried faces of those scrambling past her. "We're not ready. No one is."

"I know that. So does the committee."

"What, do they want to talk the Reapers to death? This is a waste of time. Give me my ship and my people and we'll have a shot."

"I can't just _do_ that, Shepard."

"Then we're dead."

Anderson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've pulled all the strings I have. You should've been tried and court-marshalled. You're lucky."

They were ushered into a corridor by a woman with teased hair. She had them wait and Mara took the time to ask Meathead for his name—again.

James. She said it over in her head. _James, Jimmy, Jay, Jamie…_

Anderson clapped someone on the shoulder loudly, catching Mara's attention. "Major Alenko. Good to see you."

_Major_ Alenko. She seethed inwardly and clenched her fists.

"Admiral. I'm just waiting for their orders."

"How'd it go?"

He shrugged. "You never know with them."

"Nice title," Mara said icily.

Kaidan frowned. "You hadn't heard?"

"No," she spat, "I hadn't. I also hadn't heard the Reapers were coming to kill us all, but I guess that's what happens when your friends testify that you're a traitor."

He crossed his arms. "That's not what happened, Shepard."

"Oh, please. Your testimony at my trial wasn't exactly glowing."

"We don't have time for this," Anderson insisted. He grabbed Mara's arm and pulled her gently away. "We have an appointment."

* * *

_A.N.: At the time of this uploading, it's the day after Christmas! So merry Christmas to all of my readers who celebrate it, and I hope all of you had a great holiday, regardless of what you celebrate! I hope you all had fun and were surrounded by the people you love. This isn't a marvelous present by any means, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!_


	74. Static

**Seventy-Four: Static**

_Note: This chapter and the following chapter are both uncut and edited only for grammar and spelling. As such, they aren't exactly 500 words. Enjoy!_

* * *

To Mara's surprise, Anderson had brought her to the Defense Committee, not to be judged once again, but to provide them with her insight. "No one knows Reapers better than Shepard," he said. Now, of course, they wanted to listen—not like it made any difference to her. They'd blown their chance of getting her help when they decided to discharge her.

"We're receiving reports, Ms. Shepard, from all across Alliance space," said a soft-spoken British admiral. "Many of our outposts have gone dark. Contact to the Batarian homeworld of Khar'shan has been completely cut off. The Citadel Council is reluctant to speak with us or offer any aid at all."

Mara held back a venomous "why should I care" and opted for the gentler "why are you telling me this?"

"Because," answered an older man with a gravelly voice, "we need your expertise."

"Then give me my ship, and give me my tags. I'm not going to help you from a cell."

They ignored her and the third admiral, a sullen-looking man with a sharp nose, asked, "Are these truly Reapers we face?"

Mara sighed quietly. "Do you have one here?"

The three admirals looked at each other for a moment. "No…"

"Then I can't tell you, can I? I'm not psychic."

_I'm a sidekick,_ she thought, and fond memories of random questions with Jeff began to distract her from the room.

The mild-sounding British woman was speaking anxiously, but Mara only caught the last part of what she said. "…lost contact with Luna Base."

"What?"

"The moon?" Anderson repeated. "If they've come that far, then…"

"Admiral!" A receptionist bustled into the room, a remote in her hands. "We're receiving transmissions from London and Paris." She pressed a few buttons and the screens on the walls clicked on, humming with life and loudly chattering over each other, each screen featuring a different reporter. French and English blurred together in a dull roar as Mara focused instead on the images being displayed. Fires had already erupted. There were people running in the streets and being trampled if they tripped. Buildings were trembling and the reporters were close to screaming with everyone else.

Soon, one screen went dark. Then another, and another, until they'd all flickered into static one by one. Mara felt it in the pit of her stomach and rising in her throat—this was bad, and she needed to help, no matter what.

"Contact the Citadel Council again," she advised, raising her voice so they all could hear. "Approach them by saying we need their help and we'll assist them in return. They don't do anything unless they stand to gain from it. Analyze reports from across the galaxy, see what the Reapers are targeting and when they're targeting them so we have a grasp of their tactics. They don't think like humans—remember that."

"What are we supposed to do about our lost colonies, Shepard?" Asked the sharp-nosed man, his hands pressed against his desk as he stood tensely.

"We can't do anything now," Mara sighed. "All we can do is defend what we have left and try not to lose any more."

* * *

_A.N.: As I mentioned earlier, this chapter isn't exactly 500 words. It came in at around 526 according to Microsoft Word's automatic count. Also, it's the first half of a double upload! Don't miss the other half, chapter 75, because it's a direct continuation of this one!_


	75. Collapse

**Seventy-Five: Collapse**

_Note: This chapter is the second half of a double upload. Don't miss the previous chapter!_

* * *

A loud boom and a shuddering, mechanical hum rattled the windows and everyone turned to look out at the city. The sound reverberated in Mara's head and she clenched her jaw. She knew what it was before she even saw the first metal leg crash into the freeway outside.

"Everyone, move!" she cried, waving them toward the door. "_Now_!"

They started to scatter, some taking cover behind desks, and other rushing out the door like they should, but too many of them were still in the room when a red, shimmering laser destroyed the windows and swept across the floor. The structure of the building itself began to disintegrate beneath their feet and a shockwave blossomed outward throughout the room. Anderson tripped, the British admiral was crushed under her desk, and Mara was thrown onto a table on the other side of the room, which then flipped over on top of her.

Her ears rang as she came to a few moments later, hearing Anderson call her name. She touched her head gingerly as it throbbed with pain. Her nose was bleeding, but she wiped it on her sleeve and reached upward from under the table, waving her hand until she felt Anderson's rough fingers clasp hers. He pushed the table off her and helped her up, though she felt dizzy from her new headache, and pressed a pistol into her hands.

"Come on," he said, his voice still soft despite the chaos. "We need to get to the Normandy."

"She's here?"

"And she's ready for action. Now let's move."

He dropped out of the window and landed in the long planter below before taking off on an exterior ventilation shaft. He waved for her to follow, but she was transfixed by the city before her. As in the vids on the screens, fires were starting, people were panicking, and Reapers were descending one after another, crashing down onto streets and small buildings. The smell of the outdoors was something she hadn't experienced in weeks, but she had no time to savor it.

She reached down to her pocket. Medication. Anxiety. That would help. She twisted the cap off and swallowed two.

"Shepard!"

"Alright!" She replaced the cap and shoved the bottle into her pocket again.

The Normandy. They had to get to the Normandy. Once she had her ship, she would be alright. She wouldn't have to watch another world burn. She could leave and help from afar, like she did so well, persuading and dealing and making things fit together like puzzle pieces. The last line of defense. That was Mara Shepard. _Commander_ Shepard.

That was what she was, not who she was, and right now, she needed to be an _it_. An unstoppable _it_. The kind that could face improbable odds and live to tell the tale. She could be—no, she _would be_—a hero again, and this time, even the Alliance's rules wouldn't stop her.

* * *

_A.N.: I was initially going to do one large chapter, but after I finished writing it I realized I was just under 1000 words, so I might as well post it in two chapters. So take this double upload as my way of saying THANK YOU FOR FOUR HUNDRED REVIEWS! Wow! I can't tell you how excited I am that this story has so much positive attention. I'm thrilled beyond all belief and thank you all, so much, for coming along for this ride with me and talking to me like you do. And for all you guest reviewers, just because I can't reply to you doesn't mean I'm not grateful for your reviews. I love them all. Thank you again, and may you all have a splendid year to come!_


	76. Sigh

**Seventy-Six: Sigh**

The Normandy was different… again. But it was dim, soft grays and blue instead of Cerberus' yellow and bright steel, unpolished and cozy instead of shiny and sharp. It was more like home than the SR-2 had ever been before. The armory was where it should be, the walls were angled properly instead of uncomfortably, and it was staffed like a ship of its size needed to be. There was no Miranda, no Jacob, and certainly no Illusive Man… but there was also no Garrus or Tali or Grunt.

No, instead of her team, she had unfamiliar faces all over again—and Kaidan Alenko, who was just as much a stranger. Before Anderson had said he'd be staying on Earth, Mara would have volunteered _Major_ Alenko to lead the homefront forces.

Meathead—_no, James_—was angry they'd left. He'd been pacing across the garage and following Mara as she gathered scraps of armor left behind. She needed to piece something together until she could find her old set.

"We need to go back," he said, slamming his hand onto the table. "We can't just leave."

Mara had little patience. "Yes, we can."

"Well, you can drop me off before we escape the atmosphere, 'cause I'm not leaving!"

"Stow it, Lieutenant. I have orders."

He would never argue with Anderson—and now that Commander Shepard had been officially reinstated _by _Anderson, he couldn't argue with her. He shut his mouth and set about equipping his hardsuit, no doubt inwardly protesting with thoughts as loud as his voice.

The intercom gave a soft chime. The system had gotten an upgrade, it seemed. It sounded now like some corporate headquarters; Mara was half-expecting a pleasant-sounding receptionist to say something about a call on line three.

"Welcome back, Commander. Glad I can call you that again."

Not a receptionist, then. Her cheeks flushed and her stomach became a fluttering mess. Whether it was just her medication kicking in or pure joy at hearing Joker's voice, she cracked a broad smile as her nerves settled down. "So am I."

She could almost hear his grin when he spoke again. "So, you gonna get up here or what?

He didn't have to ask her twice. James and Kaidan attempted to follow her into the elevator and she shut the door on them, feeling wonderfully smug. The elevator didn't move nearly fast enough for her, but _oh,_ did she run when it arrived on the second floor. Up the stairs and past a set of doors—a fancy new addition that only seemed to mock her attempt to reach the bridge—was someone she'd waited far too long to hug.

Joker swiveled his chair around and faced her with a brand-new cap and a familiar smirk. "Hey, Mara."

She let out a long, steady exhale, a sigh she'd held in for months, and leaned down to wrap her arms around his shoulders. He stretched up, she curled down, and they met in the middle with a kiss and a cuddle neither pulled away from for minutes.

"I missed you," she said, mumbled into his shoulder.

"You too."

"Everything's okay?"

"Nothing's broken."

"I said _everything_, not just your bones."

He hesitated and his eyes skimmed across her before answering. "Good as can be, with what's goin' on. You holdin' up?"

"Enough to fight back."

"Figured you'd say somethin' like that."

She chewed at her lip. "Are you with me, Jeff?"

"Always am."

She recognized the tone. It was the answer to a question she hadn't asked. "That's not what I meant. With the trial, and everything else… are you still _with_ me?"

He met her eyes, bright and blue and filled with concern. "Hell yeah, I am."

She smiled, a warm, loving smile only he was used to, and sighed again. "Good."

He glanced at his console as a few lights and a message flicked across the screen. "Transmission incoming from Admiral Hackett. I'll send it to deck five."

"Thanks." She opened the doors to leave after another glance around the new bridge. "It's nice in here."

He snapped his fingers twice. "Hold up."

She peered over her shoulder. "What?"

"That door's got a toll."

She strangled a laugh. "Oh, does it?"

He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms, and wiggled his eyebrows, coaxing her over with a smug-looking grin.

She reached him in a flash, framing his jaw in her hands and pressing her lips to his.

He hummed into it, a low, contented vibration she dearly loved, and smiled when she pulled away. "See? Tolls aren't that bad."

"Space pirate."

* * *

_A.N.: I think I'm going to change my word count goals for Part Three. It's been a long road, and I know you guys are invested enough in this story that you don't mind reading a little more. So, in honor of getting this far, and to avoid cutting words from chapters that may need the extra emotion (since ME3 is the Land Of Feelings), I hereby declare my word count OBSOLETE. Every chapter from this point forward, including this one, must only have a minimum of 500 words. Hooray for more words (and less editing)!  
_

_A note to my writing readers: One of my reviewers, bdrivermp, came up with an intriguing concept for a Mass Effect AU fanfiction. driver offered it to me, but since I don't think I'm the right person for it, we agreed to extend the offer to ALL of you! If any of you are interested in possibly writing a new AU, you can shoot me a message or get in touch with bdrivermp directly. Trust me, it's got marvelous potential._


	77. Call

**Seventy-Seven: Call**

Mars—the planet, that is—was just like the Citadel's Wards before Saren's assault. Dim and heavy and orange. It lacked the vibrancy, the life in every corner. It replaced the voices with howling wind and the metal floors with dusty craters. It felt frigid, even in the sun… but that was what witnessing the death of thousands of people at once did to a person. It made them cold.

Mars—the soldier, that is—had a brand new helmet, complete with a shiny camera and data feeds scrolling down her peripheral vision. Joker could send her text-based updates from the Normandy, thanks to some suit upgrades. His first test was a semicolon and a parenthesis. She gently mimicked the expression and tapped a short "got it" into her omni-tool.

Kaidan spied a body propped up against a crate used for cover. He said he knew the man, and Mara wondered just how many of the corpses that no doubt littered the research station Alenko would recognize. The nervous pit in her stomach was upsettingly familiar as a result. James had an eye toward the storm rolling in the distance, lightning coursing like spiderwebs across its cloudy surface and low thunder rumbling in its midst. Nothing here was a good sign.

They reached an elevator and Kaidan launched into a series of thinly veiled accusations. "Do you have any idea why Cerberus is here? Why shouldn't I think you know? You worked for them. They rebuilt you, they gave you the Normandy back, they hired Joker—"

Mara's patience thinned. He'd been watching her every move, and he wasn't subtle. But claiming Joker was her reason for joining? Whether it was true or not, she wouldn't tell him—nor would she explain herself again after this. "Let me be clear with you, Major. I've had no contact with them since I destroyed the Collector base, and I have no idea why they're here now."

He bowed his head. He didn't like being wrong. "Sorry, Shepard. I'm just—"

The pressurization system hissed, and Mara slid off the breather mask on her helmet. "Don't push me, Alenko. I can't afford to have someone I don't trust at my back."

He didn't say a word after that.

Inside the base, the bad signs turned into all-out disaster. Melted plastic covered tables and half-finished experiments. Scientists were sprawled across the floor, helpless in life and discarded in death. The only capable one was an asari doctor—one who crawled through vents and lifted the soldiers chasing her with biotics until she could comfortably shoot them.

Liara T'Soni.

Sure, she'd sold Mara's lifeless body to Cerberus. Some—like Kaidan—would say it royally screwed up her life, but she knew she wouldn't even have a life if not for them. She owed Liara thanks, at the very least.

"Come with me. You know what's going on here better than anyone."

"As well as most of the galaxy." She looked calm and sounded smug. Her hunt for… whoever it was seemingly resolved well. "I'm so sorry about Earth." She sounded like she was empathizing about the death of a pet, not the destruction of a world.

"We'll kick their metal asses," said James with a thrust of his arm. "Nobody takes our planet, right, Commander?"

Mara swallowed. Her throat was dry and she felt tired already. Still, she replied. "That's right, Lieutenant." She hoped it was convincing enough for them. It wasn't at all convincing enough for her.

* * *

_A.N.: I plan on continuing the Mars mission in the next chapter. As for the prompt, I wanted to make it like Kaidan's calling Mara out. ...Ugh. If I feel like I should explain my prompt, I probably didn't follow it right. I'm sure this isn't my best chapter. If anyone sees any spelling, canonical, or grammatical errors, please don't hesitate to point them out. I don't bite.  
I received a lot of lovely reviews for the last chapter, and while everyone ultimately congratulated my choice to remove the word limit, some of you brought up very valid and welcome concerns that the attention to detail brought on by having a limited number of words will diminish. I'd like to assure you all that it's just part of my writing style. The exercise in limited words has given me so much more of a detail-oriented approach to writing that it's slowly become ingrained in me, so it isn't going away any time soon. Thank you all for your concern about this, as that is more of a compliment to me than you may think. I'm so appreciative and grateful that all of you are here reading this and I'm very happy to have such a supportive group of readers. I couldn't ask for better ones!_


End file.
